I don’t know how to use eye drops.

My eyes have been watering pretty much non-stop for the past month, and I’m getting really tired of a) going through Kleenex faster than a 13-year-old boy and b) always looking like I’m crying. I did some research into watery eyes, and have come to the conclusion that I am either a) a senior citizen or b) suffering from allergies and should use eye drops to fix it.

Wait, what.

I do not understand the logic behind applying MORE liquid to my already-dripping eyeballs. It’s stupid. It goes against science. I need some kind of eyeball-friendly mop, not eye drops. Adding water to water does not make things drier. It’s just plain common sense.

It also appears to be my only option.

With nothing to lose, I stopped by the drug store today and picked up a bottle of Visine Advance Plus for Allergies. Okay, it says “tearing” on here – maybe it’ll stop my watery eye problem. I took the bottle back to my desk, and opened it up.

Um.

I don’t know how to use eye drops.

I asked around on Twitter, receiving answers varying from the sort of helpful (“stick your tongue out when doing it!”) to the typical (“anally”) to the sarcastic (“you drop it into your eye”). I was still nervous, though – I don’t necessarily have an eye-phobia but I do not like things going into my eyes – so I asked Josh. He found me a walkthrough straight from the factory, so I decided to give it a go.

I missed my eye three or four times. I think I got SOME liquid in there, but I can’t be sure – my eyes feel just as wet as they were before, and also a little weird.

I do not like eye drops.

They are not natural.

Is the return of my beloved bright green eyeshadow really worth this discomfort?

I know this is all over the internet, but if you haven’t seen it, please watch it:

I’ve watched it twice now and each time it made me sniffly. Her voice is incredible. I don’t care about the show; I want all of her dreams to come true.

*sniffle*

People on the reserve have a fun new game: Dumpster Olympics.

At least twice over the weekend, a group of people have taken a dumpster from somewhere on the reserve and rolled it down the hill of their street to see it crash into parked cars that are NOT on the reserve. It is awesome. So far they’ve damaged four cars, shattering the back window of one of them. The last time was Sunday night – the dumpster hit a curb and tipped over. If it didn’t hit the curb, or hit it a couple inches further down, the huge bin would have fallen right on the Mazdabator. Hooray!

I am too weary to properly express my disgust over this. They’re destroying other people’s property for the sake of amusing themselves. Awesome. There’s nothing we can really do to protect ourselves – we can keep our assorted vehicles out of the line of dumpster fire, but that’s only good until their next bout of bored, drunken creativity. Perhaps it is time to look into vigilantism. I bet I could make myself a cape, and I have some masks I could use. I’m scary, right? I could totally intimidate drunk/high people twice my size!

I will be really fucking choked if our car gets hit. We’ve already been boot-hatted twice, AND we just paid the stupid thing off – let us enjoy the whole “no car-related debt” thing for a couple months before we have to pay to fix other people’s “fun”.

People *suck*. I feel badly for the people who got hit. I’ve heard that one of the damaged cars was brand new; less than a week old. Seriously, what drives people to do this kind of stuff? Am I missing an entire chapter from my genetic makeup; the part that would make me want to hurt others for absolutely no reason? Ugh. So much uncool.

In other news, I’m thinking of scooting to Bellingham this weekend just to see if I can.

it is 906 and you are listening to los angeles