I haven’t actively watched any CSI-type murder shows in some time now, but that apparently doesn’t stop me from trying to plan the perfect murder. It’s probably not a good thing that I spent a good chunk of my morning thinking about the frozen ham I just took out of the freezer, and how it would make an awesome head-basher, then wondering if they would ever be able to trace the distinctive indentations in the skull to the frozen ham hock – especially if I cook and eat the evidence for Sunday dinner.

I could never be a criminal mastermind – I would want to tell people exactly how I pulled off this awesome crime, and then I’d go to jail where they wouldn’t let me on the internet.

Err, and it would be bad to take a life and stuff.

But mostly, I’d miss the internet.

Also, “Death by Ham” would be a great band name.