You’re going to have to bear with me, here. I had a good update planned – it was going to be meaningful and elegant and professional, without any swear words or obscure pop culture references or anything. It was going to be a Very Special Post. It would have made you laugh and cry and write letters to the editor. It would have changed lives.

Then I failed to wake up this morning. In fact, I am not entirely certain that I am awake now. If I’m not, I’m having a very bad nightmare. If I AM, this sucks ass. I am utterly unable to wake up. I fell asleep putting on my underwear. I zoned out while putting on lipstick, and now my mouth is sideways. You know how you sometimes fixate on a word and it stops looking like a real word at all? Well, imagine that but on my mouth. I don’t think my mouth is real. It’s too small, like a button. Did I always have a button mouth? Why does it look like that?

I will write that really awesome update later, if I ever snap out of this haze. I’m not having a very good Friday – I got in trouble with my boss, some woman in a yellow truck gave me the finger when I passed her, and my mouth isn’t real. This sucks.