It has been decided that I either need to a) go back in time and create a prenuptial agreement, b) bring the concept of a postnuptial agreement into vogue, or c) convince Ed to renew our vows and introduce some sort of neonuptial agreement to the mix.

It’s not that I’m trying to protect my assets, seeing as I don’t have any. The things that are important to me are not financially significant in any way, and we don’t really argue over anything except the Xbox. No, my pre/post/neo-nuptial agreement really has nothing whatsoever to do with money – it’s more about the things I feel are missing from our marriage.

I’m not unhappy in any way – if anything, I’m a little bit TOO giddy most of the time – but there are some things I wish I had demanded in writing before I agreed to get married:

• Mandatory moon roof in any vehicle we might purchase (does not apply to convertibles)
• Video Games:
  • Should we both be playing the same game independently of each other, custody of the console should be divided equally
  • Should we be playing different games on the same console, an agreement must be reached that the console will be swapped on alternate days of the week OR that Party A will be allowed to play the game through in a timely fashion so that Party B can start their game
• Spoilers: I will not share things I know unless asked, but you MUST share things you know if I ask
• I get a pug
• Minimum of one MMF threesome per year – the swords do not necessarily need to touch (although it would be super if they did), but there must be at least two of them

The entire list basically boils down to just the last two: I want a pug, and I want more dongs. It’s really not a lot to ask, but these are both things that are unlikely to happen any time soon and that makes me very sad and frustrated. There’s no clause for FFM events – those can happen any time – but Ed’s extreme heterosexuality is getting in the way of my own Penthouse Forum stories, and that just isn’t fair.

I spent most of yesterday talking about wangs on MSN with various people. I really, really hope IT doesn’t go through our chat logs.

Vancouver Twestival! I was apprehensive about going, but I am SO GLAD I did! I had a fantastic time, heat and noise issues aside – I met some fabulous people, ate some ridiculously amazing sushi, declared myself a volunteer and manned the registration desk to give Kim a break, and just had a bundle of fun in general. I even won a door prize! It was a certified Good Time. Thanks to the #YVRTwestival committee for a great evening!

victoria wins the prize for "stockings most likely to cause awkward situations outside of twitter events"

john biehler'd my boob!