Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to Forks.
Yes, THAT Forks.
I’ve never had any reason to care about this sort of thing, and it’s not at all intentional – but when I was plotting our travel route for our upcoming vacation, Josh pointed out that US101 goes right through the town where Twilight takes place, and a stop there would likely give me some epic blog fodder chockfull of hilarity. And he’s right. A stop in Forks is bound to be hysterical and tinged with pity, so I am going to make the best of it. For some reason I gave us two full days to get from our place to Portland, so we’re going to have a lot of time to stop at random places – and I can’t think of anything more random than this.
Still, it’s going to be awkward. I have a very low tolerance for things that make me wince with uncomfortable embarrassment, and the research I’ve done has unearthed some of the most cringe-worthy stuff I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look at any of it with a straight face and/or without carrying a large sign that says “I’M HERE FOR THE SAKE OF IRONY ONLY”, lest anyone think I’m actually a Twi-hard who dragged her hapless husband – conveniently named Edward – along for the ride. It’s both sad yet financially wise of Forks to play on the rabid fanbase – seriously, when your town’s website has an entire section dedicated to a terrible series of books, what can you do? Ignore it and miss out on a slice of the pie provided by crazed fans who will throw money at ANYTHING remotely associated with their obsession du jour, or suck it up and play along?
Forks aside, I’m starting to get excited about our vacation. Since I’ve given us 48 hours to get to a place only 13 hours away, we should have plenty of time for Adventure. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Port Angeles – has it changed? Are they sweaty with Twilight fever? Is that McDonald’s still there? I want to go to Long Beach in Washington, and see Marsh’s Free Museum. There’s an alligator! And salt water taffy! Driving down the 101 was a highlight of our drive to San Francisco last year; how does the upper portion of the highway compare? The weather should be changing just in time for our trip, which is good – I have a lot of Portland wandering to do. My camera(s) are charged and ready; Domo is nestled in with a thousand power adapters, and I’ve cleared a block of 12 hours to spend in Powell’s: bring on the vacation!
As a special treat, I will bring back some of the cheesiest, saddest Twilight Forks souvenirs I can find and give them away on my blog. To enter the contest, leave a comment on this very post – when I return I’ll draw a few names and send you a little piece of Twilight, right from the town that started it all (even though SMeyer had never been there).
Spread the love, I say. If I have to wade through this crap, you’re all coming with me.