The Mystery of the Gift Noose Man has been SOLVED, thanks to elsewise: the statue is of the Andean god of wealth and plenty, named Ekkeko!

This brightly painted plaster statue from Bolivia depicts an Andean pre-Christian deity known as Ekkeko, the god of abundance, money and luck. Similar statues are also made and sold in Peru. As is customary, Ekkeko (pronounced ey-kay-koh) is dressed in modern clothes with a real knit cap made of wool; he has outstretched arms, an open mouth, and a painted moustache.

Wishes for material goods that are tied onto Ekkeko’s body before noon on January 24th will be granted during the coming year. Once given to Ekkeko, wishes are never removed, so a well-used statue will be loaded down with desires. In contemporary usage, the small items Ekkeko carries are usually placed in clear plastic bags; but also included are colourful cast- sugar “mysteriosos” (mysterious things), an older regional form of offering made to be placed on llama-wool rolag altars as well as on Ekkeko statues.

This Ekkeko is about 7 1/2 inches tall. He is carrying a bag of shredded green paper representing good crops, a bag of white rice, a clay cooking pot, money in the form of a photocopied U. S. dollar, a bag of metallic party confetti for happy times, a bag of red-coloured granulated sugar, a bag of dried herbs (probably Basil), and a pink sugar mysterioso embossed with two llamas. Unseen, because they are on his back, are a small house made of plaster, a blue sugar mysterioso embossed with 7 children, a black llama wool rolag, a miniature set of pan-pipes, a miniature black rubber sandal, and a red truck made of plaster.

Ekkeko’s mouth is open so that he may receive his offering — a lit cigarette, which is put into the orifice after the mysteriosos are tied on him. The length of the ash that forms without breaking off as he smokes the offering is a divinatory sign of how much good fortune he will grant the supplicant during the coming year.

This is awesome.  Now I can relax, knowing what this thing is. I’m not really all that superstitious, but I’m really glad I didn’t take the Gift Noose off of Ekkeko – I would like some abundance, money and luck please! I still don’t know what the foam or balls are supposed to represent – I have my theories, but I can pretty much guarantee they are not correct – but I will leave them on my Happy Gift Noose Man, and add some wishes of my own before January 24th: a picture of a pug, a kitten, and more confetti for additional good times. Maybe some Diet Coke, too. I won’t be offering Ekkeko a real cigarette, but I can give him a pretend one made of paper or candy or other things that may not be appropriate in the office.

Yay for elsewise! You win at the internet!

So I ordered some stuff from my favourite Japanese website a couple weeks ago, and the box arrived this morning. What I was getting was a total surprise – I had ordered the Fukubukuro Lucky Bag 2011, which is basically a big grab bag of random Japanese goodness. I figured it would be at the very least interesting, and at best completely awesome so why not take a chance because random is a lot of fun.

There are a lot of weird ass things in the Lucky Bag, including but not limited to:

• A fuzzy pig
• A strangely offensive bendie doll
• A coy fuzzy tiger making sexual overtures
• A sheet of fake leather to make your cell phone classy
• A golden stork delivering a shiny crystal that I gave to my pregnant coworker who was thrilled
• A pocket that, when squeezed, barfs out a little marble with Doraemon on it
• This thing that looks like a bowl of chicken soup with a plastic pocket containing a coin and instructions written entirely in Japanese
• Herring
• .. and this thing:

happy man has a noose of presents for you

his gift noose includes a fake US $100 bill, a ceramic heart, car and house, a bag of confetti, a package of short straws, some little ceramic balls, and what looks like gauze

he has a real pretty mouth (that is wide open - am I supposed to put thing in there?)

WHAT IS THIS THING?! WHY DO I HAVE IT??! I AM TERRIFIED and kind of jealous of that hood, actually. It looks warm and cute. Seriously though, if you know any Japanese people, can you please ask them what this thing is and if I should be afraid or overjoyed that I have it? It came in bubble wrap but no packaging or information, just a happy dude in a green suit with a bunch of things tied around his neck and a fuzzy red hood.

what.

I am so confused.