i have a small wiener

The conversation at Sunday’s brunch was all over the place and some of it was even appropriate for all ages, but at least two refills of coffee were dedicated to genitals (and not even OUR genitals). Donna mentioned an acquaintance who has “I have a small wiener” tattoo’d on himself, and it led to an animated discussion of what the fuck: what could possibly be the reason for getting something like that permanently inked on yourself?

We came up with a number of different theories:

  • He really does have a small wiener, and is being up front about it – once you see him naked, you can’t be disappointed or surprised because you were warned
  • It’s ironic, because his wiener is actually huge – when you see it, you’re all “ohhh, I see what you did there”
  • I bet there are women out there would totally fall for that kind of sad sack honesty, and pity sex is still sex
  • There’s no such thing as bad publicity – not only did the tattoo get the four of us talking about his wiener, I then wrote about it and now tens of people all over the internet are reading about his wiener
  • To incite curiosity – never have I spent so much time thinking about the dong of some random guy I’ve never met, and I am afire with a need to know what’s in there

There’s got to be a reason or two we didn’t come up with – what about you? Why do YOU think someone would tattoo “I have a small wiener” on themselves? And if you happen to be the guy with the tattoo, feel free to let us know (or you can show it to me – Donna has my email address). How many layers deep could this go? Is this the Matrix? Is the small wiener the One?

Men are so tacky. You’d never see a woman with “I have a shallow vaginal canal” tattoo’d on herself.





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