When I explain just how hard it was for me to do the Right Thing for Myself at the cost of disappointing someone else, my therapist is likely going to a dance on her desk with dollar signs for eyeballs.

I ejected myself out of space today. It was really hard to do, because I really liked the people I worked with .. but it was also the right thing to do, both for me and for them. It was right for them because I am too senior for what they need, and the longer I had to deal with a scheduled lunch break and being in the support queue the more likely I was to become grumpy and petulant and not at all fun to be around. And it was right for ME, because I’d never be able to get to the salary I wanted while working there, I definitely did NOT sign on to spend 40% of my time answering the phone, and I want – need – to be challenged daily; not held back because I’m going faster than anyone thought possible (I did warn you about that).

I have been agonizing about this inevitability since the end of March, and I mean agonizing. I second-third-eightyseventh-guessed myself so many times my head spun, and I’m sure those close to me were sick of my moaning over what should have been an easy decision to make. I’ve got an almost pathological need to keep people happy, though, even at the cost of myself – I’d rather be sad and dignified in my martyrhood; nobly sacrificing my dreams so I don’t inconvenience others.

Isn’t that an enormous crock of crazy emo shit?

I’m all for needless melodrama, but sometimes the line must be drawn heeah.

I was offered my dream job (I have several dream jobs; this is the non-naked, non-video game one) this week, for an enormous increase in salary. I accepted it on Wednesday, and this morning I resigned from the place I was working in Burnaby. I’ll be back downtown, starting the Monday after Josh and Shan’s wedding. I am nervous, elated, excited, hopeful, and a little bit sad – I really liked working with the people in Burnaby, and would have taken several of them with me if I could.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but for once in my life my title will have no slash. I don’t need to do two jobs just to do what I love; I just .. get to do it. And y’all have NO IDEA how much that means to me.

This is my science, but I’ve got everything to prove.

tryin'.

Him: Do you think I packed too much stuff for camping?

Me: It doesn’t look too bad .. you may not want to bring the cat toy, though. And the sewing machine. Leave the sewing machine.

Him: Then how am I supposed to sew? It’s a STAG party, damnit!