“Could I please get a glass of ice?”

“Sure okay yes yes”

*wanders off*

*comes back 5 minutes later with a plastic knife*

“Um .. thank you, but I really wanted a glass of ice.”

“oh okay okay ice yes yes”

*wanders off*

*several minutes pass*

*the universe begins anew*

*strolls on back; hands me a cup of water with three ice cubes floating in it*

“… thanks?”

*head explodes*

I am starting to have a sneaking suspicion that the Mayans didn’t mean the world as we think of was going to end in 2012, but rather the world – as it relates to each of us personally – will come crashing down on our heads.

Especially if you’re a woman.

If I was an American, I would be fucking terrified of the things coming out of the mouths of those who endeavour to be in charge. Every day, more and more articles are coming out that highlight the truly horrific things that people – usually men, who are among the last people anyone should be interviewing for their opinions on rape and women’s health – not only think, but proudly share out loud to anyone within earshot. “It’s not that hard to avoid being raped!” Really? Oh, okay. Everyone can stop worrying, then.

Sadly, the idiocy doesn’t seem to stop at the border – just this morning news out of Toronto is that all women need to do to avoid being raped is to “stop dressing like whores”. The last time some genius came out with the same idea – you know, blame women for being raped instead of blaming the men who do the raping – the Slut Walk was born. Some people didn’t learn a thing, though. We’re not just treading water, we’re fucking going back in time.

It’s 2012. How is it possible that women are losing ground instead of gaining it?

Out of nowhere, one of my favourite games of all time landed out the App Store last night for iPhone and iPad.

there’s no universal build?! WHY WAS I EVEN BORN

I had heard nothing about The World Ends With You being released on iOS until yesterday morning, so imagine my surprise when I further learned that the release date was that NIGHT. Things never happen that quickly in my world, but it was true: last night at 8pm I handed over a wad of money (in app terms, anything that costs more than $0.99 can be declared a wad) and was soon downloading one of the best games ever made for the DS; to be played on my iPad.

The future is here, and it sounds AWESOME.

I spent much of yesterday squealing on Twitter about the upcoming release (when I wasn’t being a raging bitch, but that’s a story for another time), and last night I finally (after, like, 7 hours of waiting) got my game on. I had actually been thinking about playing TWEWY on my DS again, but I didn’t want to overwrite my current, 99.8% complete game so I never really got much further than “that would sure be fun”. Until now! Now I can submerge myself in as much JRPG as I can handle, on a shiny new screen! I am so excited. They added some new features, but the game is the same AND all music is intact (something not even the still-unreleased Jet Grind Radio could promise), plus wireless play between friends and Twitter aspects. HOORAY!

So, why aren’t I telling you to go out and get this app right now or else?

Well, two reasons:

The World Ends With You is an AWESOME GAME but it is not for everyone. It is complicated. It is weird. You will want to strangle the main character. You will likely want to give up in disgust several times. I know when I first played it I was really annoyed by it (something I went through again last night; Neku is a little bitch), but I kept at it and soon I was enjoying then fucking loving the game. It’s terribly Japanese, and if you’re not familiar with the JRPG genre, it might scare you away.

Also, it’s not just a wad of money – it’s several wads, plus one of your lesser-used limbs.

Being a Square Enix game, the app does not cost the usual $0.99. It’s not $1.99, or even $4.99. Ed took a guess at $7.99, and even that was really off: the iPhone version is $17.99, and the iPad version is $19.99. There is no universal build, and Squeenix apps do not go on sale. In this crazy new world of angry birds and apps that drop to a sale price of “free” all the time, that’s a huge price to pay.

That being said, the DS version of the game was (and likely still is; it’s almost impossible to find used) $45. I often wonder how game developers can afford to survive when they sell their products for $1, which is why I go out of my way to encourage people to buy the games I truly think deserve some extra love. If a big developer like Square Enix wants to port their well-loved games over to a medium with an enormous audience, I don’t mind paying the price (TWEWY prices are in line with some of the Final Fantasy games that have been released on iOS). It’s not like I buy $20 apps every day (in fact, this is my first), and I REALLY love this game – it’s well worth it to me to pay the money to be able to play it again, all refreshed and new with added content and updated graphics.

ENOUGH INTERNET! I need to go buy a lace bonnet to increase my attack in the Shibuya District!

If ever there was a time for MORE KITTENS, it would be on a Monday after an exceptionally cranky Sunday. Today there are extra kittens, because I didn’t post any last week while I was knee-deep in om and pretending to be highly organized – but this week it is GAME CAT ON! I even picked out the cutest, most adoptable cats in all the world to entice you with warm kitteny-goodness. There’s a long weekend coming up, and what better way to celebrate Labour Day than to open your heart and home to some soft fuzzy purring love? You can even drink beer while doing it! It’s the best of all possible worlds!

arizona is guaranteed to be more welcoming and less crazy than his namesake US state

Arizona is a super friendly grey-and-white stripy kitten, full of fun and curiosity. He loves cuddling, especially when sleepy (which, if you haven’t experienced a sleepy kitten purring drowsily in your ear, is an excellent reason to be alive). Arizona would love to be adopted with one of his brothers, but would also do fine on his own. He’s got all his shots, is house-trained and neutered, so he’s ready to go – adopt Arizona today!

george has a flavour!

Fall is coming, and orange is a good fall colour. Meet George O’Mally; a great big orange-and-white ball of fun. He’s still a kitten, but a big one (that probably won’t grow to Hobbz proportions) that loves a good time. George has been around small children and is great with them, so if you’re into that whole “having kids” thing then George would be a wonderful addition to your home. He loves to play and explore, but is also very snuggly with a fondness for laps and falling asleep in the crook of your neck. George is very social and would do well in homes with other pets!

fyi tora is a cat and not a japanese war movie

Tora is a medium-sized adult male who looks like a bit of a bruiser but is secretly a bit of a diva. He is outgoing, friendly, and LOVES attention – but he still gets along very well with other animals, even if they’re distracting attention from him. Tora is gorgeous, easy-going cat who wants nothing more than someone (or a family of someones) to shower him with love and all the attention he could ever want. Adopt Tora today, and make your home more awesome just by having him around!

this chin was made for scratching, and that’s just what you’ll do

Avery needs you, and he needs you NOW. He’s a shy little creamsicle who is nervous around people, and needs some special love and attention to ease him into a new home. If you’re a loving, patient individual with a soft spot for tiny adorable kittens, then please consider adopting Avery if for no other reason than to save him:

HELP ME

LOOK AT THE NAILS ON THAT WOMAN! I am terrified she’s going to puncture poor tiny Avery, who is obviously thinking the same thing! Won’t you save him? Let Avery into your heart and home, and save him from a cruel, manicured fate!

hipster kitty grooms his goatee nightly

Last but by no means least, we have the lovely Torez. He’s a free spirited kitten with lovely markings and an great attitude, and would make your home an exciting den of adorable activity. Like the others (it’s apparently Boy Kitten Day today), Torez is housetrained, has had all his shots, and is neutered. He needs someone to love him unconditionally, and will reciprocate in kind – and I dare you to have a bad day with kitten love in your face on a regular basis. You can’t. That’s just plain scientific fact.

All the kittens featured today were photographed by Cindy Hughes, and are currently at Home Finders Animal Rescue Society. Please contact them if you’d like to meet one of these awesome cats, and hopefully find yourself a friend for life who wants nothing more than love and to lay on all your clothes.

KITTENS!

I HAVE SKIRTED!

Today I made use of my birthday present from Shan and Heather and attended a skirt-making class at Spool of Thread. Look at my skirt!

skirt!

“But wait”, you’re likely thinking. “That skirt looks .. normal. Are you feeling okay? Is this a science experiment? Did someone dare you to make something boring for once? Who ARE you?”

It’s okay! The skirt looks boring from a distance, but actually has not one but TWO SECRETS:

shiny shiny shiny shiny!

The fabric looks beige, but it’s actually a gold linen. It’s crazy shiny up close, and wearing the skirt is kind of like wearing a disco ball. Also, because I had to be fancy and because bias tape is the greatest thing ever, I edged the skirt in olive green for contrast instead of just hemming it (I may have zero confidence in my ability to cut a straight line, and bias tape hides all my crooked sins quite nicely and also looks great).

But wait! There’s more!

The skirt is friggin’ reversible:

thaaaaaaaat’s more like it

The other side of the skirt is this crazy Japanese fabric I’ve had for a while and was holding on to for the perfect project. I purposefully made the inside shorter so the edged linen shows underneath, because see above re: fancy. The skirt fits perfectly, and looks awesome if I do say so myself. Hooray! Successful skirt making is successful and also easy!

all of the colours!

I may be planning a trip to the fabric store as early as tomorrow to start a second skirt, because having two reversible skirts in London is four days worth of clothing and it is SO COOL to make things I can actually wear instead of just carry on my shoulder. YAY! Awesome birthday present was super fun! Thanks, Shan and Heather! :D

I started this morning out incredibly grumpy – not really because of one particular thing, but I was in a Foul Friday Mood.

Then work made it all better!

I’ve been largely AFK from everything for the past couple days; doing workshop stuff at a client’s office. I was really nervous about the whole thing because they were MY meetings – I have promoted myself to Supreme Workshop Facilitator and Master of All that Exists at work, and this 2-day session was my first outing of Being in Charge. For the last 56 hours or so I was either concentrating really hard on Doing Things, or being at home passed the fuck out: concentrating that hard took a lot out of me, and at the end of both days I came home and promptly collapsed in a quivering puddle of anxiety and headaches. Luckily, everything went really well but that didn’t stop me from waking up on the angry side of Friday, and I was all kinds of stormy on my way into the office this morning.

It’s three hours later, and I’ve been in all the meetings (including a long distance trek for Team Coffee). Normally that would increase my Angry Quotient, but the meetings were all good – I knocked Being in Charge out of the fucking park, and my team (which included my boss) and the client are all happy. Hooray! Then, when my meetings were finally done, I discovered there was leftover pasta in the Secret Fridges from yesterday’s office lunch that we missed due to being offsite at meetings (where, to be fair, we were fed a delicious lunch anyway that also included bacon). FREE PASTA! HAPPY TEAM AND CLIENTS! PAYDAY! Okay, maybe this Friday isn’t so bad after all. I even found the favourite lipstick I thought I lost, so things are looking up all over the place.

This is a stupid post, but it will make the little voice in the back of my head that is nagging me for not posting shut up for a day or two, at which point I should have other things to say that aren’t “I’m busy” “I’m cranky” “zzzZZz”.

People tweet at me all the time; sometimes even on purpose. I don’t know what it is about my name, but I get a disproportionate amount of people mistaking me for someone else – an entire legion of recovering alcoholics think I am one of them, all of Thailand thinks I am some sort of bible show host, and now some kid thinks I ate lunch with him in San Diego:

I am pretty sure I was not in California last week, but what do I know. I could have ignored the tweet – I usually do – but this time I was curious as to whether or not I had a good time, so I asked him if I had fun.

Apparently, that was creepy of me:

just because my avatar makes me look insane doesn’t mean i’m creepy :(

Yeah, the kid took a screenshot of my reply on Twitter, then Instagram’d his dismay that this creeper actually responded to him.

I really want to have some fun with him, but he’s actually right – he didn’t use my name in his post, so the very act of my finding his Instagram of my tweeted reply meant I had to manually look him up to check out his photo stream.

And that’s kind of creepy.

So, yes. I am a creeper. If you tweet at me thinking I am someone else, or if character limits chop off your friend’s Twitter/Instagram name and you end up with me instead, I will reply. And then I will Instagram your Instagram of my reply to your tweeted Instagram.

I’ve seen how deep the rabbit hole goes.

it goes this deep

I’m full of orders lately – play these games, adopt these cats – but seriously, it’s all for your own good. Now do it.

Jack Lumber

Universal
Genre: Canadian Fruit Ninja where the fruit is wood and the ninja is a lumberjack
Price: $0.99 (launch price)

I downloaded this game this morning, and I am utterly in love. This game is FANTASTIC – challenging, funny, so very Canadian (I don’t actually know if the devs are Canadian or not – if they aren’t, they secretly wish they were), with an intriguing back story. Seriously, this is what iOS gaming should be all about – having a good time with a kick-ass game. Bonus points for the lack of zombies, and for giving the often overlooked Lumberjack some much-needed love.

If my words don’t convince you to buy this app, check out the trailer. Even the TRAILER is awesome. Get it now!

Puzzle Craft

Universal
Genre: Static Match-3 farming
Price: $0.99 (launch price?)

Tired of matching jewels for nothing more than points and a tiny bit of personal satisfaction? Do you also enjoy creating civilizations, one flock of chickens at a time? Then Puzzle Craft is the game for you! Build your town up by collecting food and building supplies using match-3. Build homes, hire people, collect taxes – Puzzle Craft is a game you’ve played before, but not quite like this. It’s surprisingly deep, doesn’t require IAP to play well, and will keep you busy for hours. Just don’t name your town “Boner Town” .. that name is taken. By me. Long live Boner Town!

10000000

Universal
Genre: Sliding Match-3 dungeon crawling
Price: $1.99 (made by 1 guy in his spare time before his first baby came along, so buy the game and support incredible indie devs)

Puzzle Craft is great, but you can’t kill things. If you miss killing things, then 10000000 (the game is really hard to find – if you’re searching, just look up “eightyeight games” instead) is what you need. It’s another matching game, but one that allows you to slide the rows and columns to make your match. How fast can you get to 10 million points (I did it in 5:05)? Match weapons, gold, and building materials to earn your freedom. The sliding mechanic will mess with your brain until you get the hang of it, but for all the swearing you’ll do you’ll have a great time so get it already.

Shoot the Zombirds

Universal
Genre: Save the pumpkins from dead birds!
Price: $0.99

Ignore the kind of dumb name and get this app. It’s got great style, zombie birds, and dumb little pumpkin babies you have to keep saving because they’re not smart enough to get out of harm’s way. All that being said, the game is actually a lot of fun – I love the look of it, it’s challenging without being impossible, and even though it has zombies they’re not PEOPLE zombies so that’s okay (people zombies are so played out). The game is definitely worth a look, and plays great on both iSmall and iBig devices – grab it for a buck and save the day. For some anthropomorphic pumpkins. They’d do it for you!

Happy Street

Universal
Genre: The closest you’ll get to Animal Crossing on iOS
Price: Free

Animal Crossing 3DS keeps getting pushed back, and now it sounds like we won’t see it in North America until 2013. If you are like me and this fills you with blinding hot rage, turn that frown upside down by getting Happy Street. It’s been out in Canada for a couple months, but just launched in the US store this past week. While it is heavily IAP-driven, it’s possible to play without spending a cent – you just need to be patient, and also do whatever the weird guy in the blue hat tells you to do. I’m 18 levels in and still playing (add me to Game Center if you want to visit my town for free game-money: Drunk Bettie), and it’s been fun so far. And no, I don’t know what’s up with the white fecalphiliac cat. I try to ignore it.

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow, so these should keep you busy while you wait for the next round of cats to adopt and for the Paralympics to start. Go now!

It’s always a good morning when I can get sucked into controversy on Twitter before 9am.

Reports out of Ottawa today reveal that the new plastic Canadian $100 (which, as a poor person, I only see on TV) originally had a vaguely Asian-looking woman on the back, but focus groups had a problem with that:

One person in Fredericton commented “The person on it appears to be of Asian descent which doesn’t rep(resent) Canada. It is fairly ugly.”

If ever there was a good time to *facepalm*, it is now – so many what the fucks.

• Canada is multicultural – featuring someone who isn’t Caucasian on one section of our 6 coins and 5 bills isn’t multicultural ENOUGH, but it would have been a great start.
• If you really want to get nitpicky (and apparently, people do) the woman being vaguely Asian or not wasn’t the POINT – it was supposed to celebrate medical advancements in Canada
• Why the fuck does the release of new bank notes require a focus group? It’s money. Make it available, and we’ll spend it.
• How much did that focus group cost? How much did the emergency redesign cost?
• Was ANYONE from that focus group from the West Coast? We aren’t nearly as afraid of Asians as they seem to be in NB and QC.
• They removed the offending vaguely Asian threat and replaced it with .. the singer from A-ha:

taaaaaake oooooon meeeeeeeee .. taaaake meeeeee oooon

What the fuck. What the fuck all OVER the place.

Not happy with the decision the Bank of Canada made to de-Asian the bill, I decided to Asian it back up again on my own:

aww yeah

Finally. Money that represents MY Canada!

Jerks.

It’s no secret that I am in love with my iPhone. It’s never more than a foot away from me at all times, and I have been known to make special provisions to my day to accommodate exciting iPhone happenings. Since the 3G was released in Canada in 2008, I’ve been on the front line of Team iOS and a bit of a rabid fangirl about the whole thing. I upgraded to the 3GS, then the 4, then the 4S, all without hesitation, and looked forward to each new launch with a full bladder and an empty wallet.

And yet .. the rumours swirling around the iPhone 5 are causing me all the angst ever.

Until the official launch event in September, no one is really sure what the deal is with the iPhone 5 (or if it’ll even be called that). I’ve read rumours that it’ll be bigger, smaller, faster, slower, made from glass, look like water, have tentacles, give you reacharounds, smell like cookies – too much conflicting information to properly get an idea of what to expect. Most sites reporting on the rumours do agree upon two things, though: the new iPhone will be bigger, and will use a 19-pin connector instead of the 30-pin that’s been the standard since 2003.

Well, fuck.

Having to get all new cases when I switched from the 3GS to the 4 was a pain in the ass, but secretly I didn’t care – I change the look of my phone as often as I change my mind. That being said, I don’t particularly want to do it AGAIN mostly because when I like something, I like it a LOT:

i like iphone cases, okay

I think that’s all of them – all the ones I could find, at least. Most of them are cosmetic, but a few serve very specific purposes and get used often, and replacing them would be expensive. In this, the dawn of my New Fiscal Responsibility, spending many money on plastic shells (even if they do awesome things) simply isn’t in the cards: I *want* to upgrade my phone; I’ve budgeted for it – but I may skip it altogether, because I am just that annoyed.

All the cases I have are one thing – the new connector is another marble in my ass entirely. Off the top of my head, we have at least ten 30-pin connectors in the house and they all get used regularly. It’s not even a matter of simply replacing them all; Ed has 2 iPhone 4 devices he has to use and we share cables where we can. Needing to buy new cables, even the bare minimum to keep me seeped in full battery goodness at all times, will run into the hundreds and that just plain sucks.

Why you gotta do it, Apple? Why you gotta break my balls like this?

Yeah, I know this post is a text book example of First World Problems and Whining, but cut me some slack – it’s a slow news day, I’m working from home without any Diet Coke, it’s roasting in the Lady Cave, and I can’t leave because I’m waiting for FedEx to arrive with my PAX passes. Also, it’s Hump Day. I should go find someone to hump so I’m not so annoyed at this hypothetical iPhone situation.

I am to be applauded for the amount of restraint I am showing in NOT adopting every single one of the kittens that need a home. Honestly, it’s only the vague, probably not real promise that I may someday get a pug that is keeping me from MOAR KITTENS. If I had more money than I knew what to do with, I would rent an apartment and fill it it cats then go hang out there for days at a time.

Adopt these cats for me so I can come visit them:

I WILL GET IT

Elora and Sheer Khan are sister and brother. Elora is the sensible one of the two; preferring to look adorable and be loved for it. She has a wee tail, is house broken, has had all her shots and is spayed – basically, she’s perfect and she needs a home. It would be lovely if you could adopt her with her brother, but even if you can’t, she will be a fantastic edition to your home and heart.

hello i am the prettiest

Sheer Khan (I do not get that name – is there a reference I am not seeing? Is Khan suddenly see through?) is energetic and awesome. He is always on the verge of attempting to GET IT (the IT changes every minute or so), and loves to play. Both SK and Elora are gorgeous tabbies full of purrs and adorable cat love that will inevitably melt your heart and turn you into a babbling, cooing puddle of goo.

gonna get it gonna get it gonna get it

Like his sister, SK is read to go to his new home where he will keep you busy and entertained as you try to keep him out of all the places he shouldn’t be (but is just so proud to be there that you won’t have the heart to stop him). Both kittens are also microchipped – they’re practically robot kittens, and that is just really cool. Adopt Elora, Sheer Khan, or both of them today (before my resolve breaks and I come home with a basket full of kittens).

Perhaps you have a specific colour scheme in your home, and wish to colour-coordinate your pets to match. Well, we have you covered – take a look at Darragh:

please take me home :(

Darragh looks very sad in his picture, because some heartless asshole abandoned him in a MAILBOX. Luckily, he was found and rescued in time and now he is playful, affectionate and loving. He would do great in a home with other cats, but is also ready to be your best friend forever. He’s had all his shots, and is neutered/microchipped/house broken .. all he needs is you.

LOVE ME

If you are made of frickin’ stone and none of these gorgeous kitties do it for you, you might consider adopting Shelley:

mew!

Shelley is a soft fuzzy kitten waiting for you to adopt her. She can be shy at times; retreating into her cat shell when frightened or sleepy, but Shelley is affectionate and purrs like a motorboat when petted. As with all cats, there is a slight risk of Shelley actually being a pizza-eating ninja who fights crime in the sewers at night, but rest assured that if that happens it will be both radical and totally tubular, dude (and may or may not be soundtracked by Vanilla Ice).

All of the above cats were photographed by Ben Johnson and can be adopted by contacting the HomeFinders Animal Rescue Society. Do it! Do it now! Do it before I can, because if I adopt more animals Ed will kick me out and I will be homeless and need rescuing myself!