Monthly Archives: May 2007

return of the eternal fatalist

Posted in nerd, vroom vroom by

Feels like home – I got a parking ticket yesterday. This is what I get for wondering out loud if I should take down my Wall of Shame; the city is telling me loud and clear “hell no”. The only good thing I can see about this entire stupid situation is that Cool Harbour parking tickets are less expensive than Yuppie Town – $30 instead of $40. Hooray? Damn city, where the hell am I supposed to park my scooter?

Yesterday I wrote a letter of complaint. While I do complain a lot, I rarely take action on these complaints because let’s face it, I am but one wee round girl who is about as threatening as a kitten covered in glitter. This time though, I was simply bursting with righteous ire and really had nothing better to do, so I wrote an email to Nintendo to give them the What For.

On the “Everybody Votes” channel for the Wii, some genius submitted – and somehow got approved – the question “What do Canadians say more?” with the two options being “eh” and “sorry”. What the fuck, Nintendo. Stereotyping is Not Nice. I fired off an email asking why they were picking on Canadians, and more importantly, if I were to submit a question along the lines of “what do Americans enjoy more; getting fat or shooting guns?” would it get approved. See? Not nice. Canadians are (supposedly) all polite and stuff; we’re probably the only country you could throw a blatant stereotype like that at and we wouldn’t threaten to bomb you back to the stone ages create an uproar on CNN stage a protest get really angry about it. It surprised me to see, and none of us are planning on answering the question – 4 people out of millions; THAT’LL show them who’s boss.

They are.

So, while I have a wee ass marble at Nintendo, nothing short of death by mutant hobos can stop me from me being SO EXCITED about the release of Diner Dash for the DS next week. If I had a calendar, I would totally circle the date in red. SO EXCITED!

I wonder if I’m going to be “fired” tomorrow.

i iz asking for caption

Posted in everyday kimli by

I need a favour!

Everyone knows those silly cat pictures with the somewhat illiterate captions – here’s a site full of them, and here’s another, in case you’ve been living under a rock. Anyway, I have a silly picture of Sasha that is in need if its own somewhat illiterate caption. Thing is, I can’t think of one. Can you? Please help! Maybe I will think of a prize and the winner will get something utterly fabulous!

Here is the picture:

Caption away!

indecent

Posted in i'm an astronaut by

My tank top is too big, and every time I look down my tits are hanging out (more than usual).

We’re setting up the new Space Station. It’s ok, I suppose – after I get over the fact that they completely ignored the floorplan and sat people all willy-nilly (giving away my spot to the loudest guy in the world, and putting him in the Support section), I’m sure it’ll be just super.

We’re on the third floor now, and our windows open. I theoretically COULD take a flying leap out the window!

three quarters

Posted in i'm an astronaut, relationship drama by

I survived yesterday. Someone showed up with a dozen more liquor store boxes, and we did what we could. The office wasn’t completely packed when we left, but what remained belonged to one person who could deal with it alone. I didn’t kill anyone, everything I concern myself with is taken care of, and the rest is Not My Problem. Leaving work early on a gorgeous Friday was a nice touch though; the extra hour and a half of freedom almost made up for the ass marble the size of Pluto (which is a planet, damnit).

I’m sitting here on a Saturday morning in my underwear, and I am out of sorts. Josh and Shan are out of town for the weekend, and Ed is off “entertaining” a coworker. I ended up cleaning the entire apartment by myself last night while Ed was out drinking with his work people, and today he is out taking a visiting coworker to a park and getting sweaty. I did a little more housework – look at me, I’m a Domestic Debbie – and am now verbalizing my angst for lack of anything better to do.

I’m not so annoyed that Ed is gone as I am annoyed that he left the TV on NASCAR – seriously, what the fuck.

This picture was taken a couple of days before our wedding. In the picture are Christy, Heather, me and Ali – all clanmates and bridesmaids:

Three of those girls are currently raising or baking children.

Guess how relieved I am that it’s not four?

Bring on the cramps!

gotcha .. ?

Posted in angst, i'm an astronaut by

Am I on Candid Camera? Is this some kind of sick joke?

The Space Boss’s Wife dropped off ten boxes yesterday, from the liquor store.

That’s it.

There are no other boxes.

I .. am at a loss for words.

snails = awesome

Posted in everyday kimli by

I do not know enough about snails.

The front yard of our apartment building is quite nice, being fully landscaped and flowered and stuff. It’s really very pretty except for when the drunken idiots throw their garbage and empties all over the yard. Because there’s a lot of plant life, there are a lot of bugs. Some of these bugs are snails, complete with fancy shells and slimy trails of snail ooze. I am utterly fascinated by them, going so far as to name my favourite and check up on him every time I am outside.

The thing is, it’s almost impossible to tell a dead snail from a live one. I was very worried for a while, because Dave II hadn’t moved in days. I picked him up once and poked the fleshy parts very carefully with a leaf, and he flinched – so I put him back on the wall where no one would step on him. For 5 days, he didn’t move from his new spot so I was worried that he was dead. Finally I picked him up again, and look! Squishy and wet! Dave II is still alive, and I did a little dance.

Yesterday when I checked on him, he STILL hadn’t moved – but he had reglued himself to the wall, so I knew he was probably still okay and not as excited to see me as I was to see him. Today, he was not where I left him and I was worried – but then! I found him! He had crawled down the other side of the wall, undoubtedly to get away from me! I am just happy that Dave II is alive and has not yet been eaten or stomped on.

I am showing near superhuman restraint at the Space Office – everything has to be packed by the end of the day tomorrow, and do not have any boxes. Wheeeeeee! Also, there are new tools being launched tonight that need some heavy duty testing tomorrow. Hahah! It’s not my problem though, right? They said so!

Oh god.

looking all pale and tragic

Posted in angst, everyday kimli by

I am tired of having red hair. Later this month, I will be returning to black. I will probably get tired of that soon enough and go back to red, but in the meantime I am mousy and disapproving.

Also, I am hormonal. I’ve been sitting at my desk for about two hours, completely enveloped in a white paper bucket of sad – for absolutely no reason. I am blue and melancholy. I am knee-deep in funk. I am wallowing in drama that does not exist. Even though I am lending credence to Ed’s theory that I often complain about having nothing to complain about, I am in fact sad that I am sad. Since that is obviously not anything a normal person would do – yes, I know I’m not the poster child for normal, but still – it must be hormones. I am pre-menstrual. Bring on the ice cream!

As much as I would like for this funk to disappear so I can go back to being jolly, it is in some small way a welcome sign of things to come. You see, last weekend I experienced .. things. Odd things, happening to my person. Since there was no logical reason for the nausea, vertigo, cravings or huge mood swings, I automatically self-diagnosed myself a pregnancy. To say “umm, oops” is but a drop in Understatement Ocean – but there was nothing else I could find that would fit. It didn’t help that over the course of my many accidents and injuries, I had been less than mechanical about taking my anti-baby medication. In fact, I fucked off probably close to a week’s worth of estrogen, skipped and then made up doses at random points during the week, and had unprotected sex with thousands of men, women and monsters with penis-like tentacles. All of this just added to my “Whoops, Baby” theory – it’s not just me being paranoid and overdramatic, it’s grounded in unlikely-but-still-possible truth. My current funk, delightful acne, and general all-around bloatie, mood-swingie self makes me think that perhaps the Festival of Menstruation will take place as planned. Ultimately, that would be a good thing. I’d just like to stop being sad, is all.

So! Who wants to cheer me up?

random tuesday

Posted in everyday kimli by

Random:

  • I almost hit a priest with my scooter when coming from the post office – bless me father, for I wasn’t watching the road
  • I want to work at the post office! They let employees park their scooters right on the sidewalk next to the building!
  • The Cambie Street Bridge and False Creek area smell like a) rotting garbage and b) burnt coffee – it is not yummy
  • My shirt is made of 100% non-organic itchy fibres and it is driving me crazy
  • I want a pug
  • Someone found my website by searching for “girls shaving their ssx organ”, which obviously means I’ve gone around for the last hour singing:

It’s tricky to shave your twat
To shave your twat I tell you what
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

It’s tricky to trim your snatch
To trim your snatch yet leave a patch
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

It’s tricky to Nair your hair
To Nair your hair all off down there
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

.. times about 400, since there are a lot of different euphemisms for my lady organ.

ask not what kimli can do for you

Posted in i'm an astronaut, relationship drama by

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There may very well come a time when it is appallingly inappropriate for me to wear shoes decorated with hearts and skulls – however, that time is not now. As long as I am able to somewhat draw air into my lungs (my sticky ribs are still acting up) and face an uncontrollable urge each morning to go to work looking like a drag queen, I will wear clothing and accessories that are only startling on me if you know my real age and also are not at as “hip” and “with it” as I am.

Besides, as long as my skin keeps breaking out like a 15 year old soaked in hormonal juices, I should be allowed to dress as though I shop only at Mariposa and Claire’s.

Hilarious Conversations with my Space Boss:

Kimli: Hey boss, we’re moving on Friday and we haven’t packed – are we getting boxes anytime soon?
Space Boss: Oh yeah, we need to organize that.
Kimli: *head explodes*

Oh man! That’s some side-splitting comedy right there that is in no way giving me any sort of stress whatsoever! Hahahah!

Last night’s perogies were made Polish style – I boiled them, then pan-fried them with bacon and onions. They were ok; I still have trouble getting behind the whole “potato stuffed in dough” food group. Ed liked them though, so I guess that is a plus.

I rode Sally to work today, and I’ve already found an errand I can go run that’ll get me out of the Space Station and out scooting around like the wacky hipster I am. Hooray!

I am strangely jolly, but am not currently craving sausage.

the joy of cooki.ng

Posted in relationship drama by

I am highly amused that I somehow ended up marrying into a third generation Ukrainian-Canadian family, yet still need to go to the internet to figure out how to cook perogies.

Oh, Wikipedia. Where were my culinary skills before you came along?