Monthly Archives: May 2007

oh dear god no

Posted in everyday kimli, i'm an astronaut by

I knew it would make me shudder and die a little inside, yet I clicked on it anyway – the headline that says “Doctor finds spiders in boy’s ear”. That’s like, all my nightmares at once. I used to be terrified of spiders making a home in my canals when I was but wee, but my parents always said it was impossible so I should calm down and go to sleep. Well, it’s possible. My parents LIED. I believe I will fill all of my holes with caulk – delicious caulk – just in case.

I’ve been at work for just over 30 minutes and I think I’m going to have some sort of fantastic hernia. We’re moving on Friday. Guess how much of the space station is packed? Yeah, that would be none. Also, the Space Accountant is now doing tech support. I suppose this should make me happy – after all, it’s another body, right? – but .. well, I have a bad feeling about this. None of this is truly my problem, though. I was told not to worry about the move – so I won’t. My desk can be packed in half an hour. So the Space Accountant is doing tech support – not my problem. Sure, I’m trying to maintain some sort of logical support structure, but everything I do is shot down or ignored so I will just shrug and let people fuck up anything they like. Trying to fix things makes me pushy, remember? Pushy and naïve!

Yesterday Shan and I went out and chopped off all our hairs. I’m not quite sure how I feel about my haircut; it’s REALLY short and I feel kind of lopsided and shorn. Shan’s hair is cute though, and mine’ll grow back. Everyone else seems to like it; I’m just .. not sure. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big a deal. After all, I’m married – I don’t need to look good anymore!

Hyuck.

Weekend was good; there was outside and dog shows and too many tourists and discounts and another trip to MEC. No bike ride though, since I was sore from my pleurisy and yesterday was very wet. This week there shall be bike riding! Verily, I have spoken!

Man, I do NOT want to be here today.

Oh, and I got new shoes and they are SUPER CUTE.

not dead

Posted in fuuuuuuuu by

Oops – as Ian pointed out, I forgot to check in. Sorry Lisa and Shan, but my smut and Convii aren’t quite yours yet – I’m still alive. Check back with me soon though, because the way things are going for me I’m sure I’ll fall into a pit of lava at some point.

So, I’m alive, but very annoyed. I bought three bottles of organic milk on Thursday night, because I am a hippie and go organics and glass bottles are friggin’ awesome. Except! Every single bottle is suspiciously chunky and gross! All my brand new milk is rotten and sour and completely not drinkable. I WANT MILK! What am I supposed to do with this big bowl of Cheerios I just poured? I’m eating it dry because I’m really quite hungry, but goddamn. Now I need to go back to the store and complain and get my money back and also buy some new milk. This is so not cool. I’m somewhat glad it was only a bowl of Cheerios and not my beloved Special K with Red Berries, because I’d have to do a lot more than just complaining – think robots and lasers and incoherent rage instead of just extreme annoyance and unquenched thirst for milk.

Stupid cows.

i have a restraining order against myself

Posted in medical anomaly by

This is rapidly losing the hilarity factor.

I am hurt. How? I don’t know. What did I do? Nothing. However, I have an unbelievable sharp pain in my left side, right under my ample bosom. It hurts when I breathe; it hurts when I don’t breathe, and moving? Yeah, that makes me swear a lot and wince and cry out and generally move around much like I figure an old person does when all their bones and organs start failing.

Since I am excellent at self-diagnosis, it’s been narrowed down to two things: a broken rib, or spontaneous pneumothorax. Naturally, I am hoping for the latter because it sounds totally wikked.

Even though I spent most of the month of April lying on the ground after falling down, I don’t think I did anything that would break a rib – and certainly not anything that would cause a delayed reaction rib breaking. It frankly feels like someone is stabbing me with a large dirty knife and twisting it around to see what would happen and I do not like it one bit.

So, back to the spontaneous pneumothorax. The internet tells me I likely have a wikked case of pleurisy, which to my surprise is not a pokeman. Pleurisy can be caused by a number of things, each more excellent than the last:

  • a viral infection
  • pneumonia
  • air leaking into my pleural hole
  • broken ribs
  • tuberculosis aka teh consumption
  • arthritis
  • lupus
  • sickle cell crisis: the latest offering from Tom Clancy
  • pulmonary embolism
  • pancreatitis (most commonly caused by excessive use of alcohol – I DID have a quarter bottle of raspberry cider last night)

Every single one of these says in large letters GET THEE UNTO THE HOSPITAL. So, that’s what I’m doing. I was unbelievably sheepish when I called my coworker – the poor girl, I’ve left her to fend for herself so many times because of my utterly fantastic injuries that I’m sure she hates me – and now I’m going to pile myself onto Sally and scoot to the doctor’s office where I will get to wait for a very long time before they tell me I have seven tumors and three pulmonary embolisms, which apparently can cause death. If I don’t check in later today, I’m dead from my mystery rib pain. Lisa can have all my smut, and Shan gets all my Converse.

Fucking ow :( :( :( :( :(

why me

Posted in everyday kimli by

Oh, strange lady in the 7-11! All I want is ice, Diet Coke and my Chupa-Chup (with surprise!) – why are you telling me the following things:

  • You hate not being allowed to smoke wherever you want
  • You’re not hurting anyone
  • Instead of punishing you, why don’t they go after the 15-year-old girl who taught you to smoke when you were 12
  • She was really cool and you wanted to be just like her
  • Britney Spears just wanted someone to inseminate her and give her babies, so now she’s done with K-Fed and they’re both better off
  • Britney was a government experiment made in a lab somewhere, because her sister looks exactly like her
  • You forgot to get gum

I am so glad I was in line ahead of her and therefore able to escape to the safety of the space station before she told me more things I did not want to know.

My surprise, by the way, is a humping turtle pencil topper. It is bizarre, and really actually fits in with the entire trip to 7-11.

hot wet action

Posted in everyday kimli by

Last night we scared a wee Japanese waitress. I would feel bad, except it was hilarious and we (the North Shore Hipster Squad plus special guest stars Miranda and Reilly) made a lot of people question our sanity. We went for dinner at the yummy Asian restaurant at the Quay – I can never remember the name, but it’s the place we went to with Bobbie and her crew – and as we were digesting and swapping stories of our misguided youth, a thunderstorm rolled in. Well, everyone at the table spent a goodly amount of time in Alberta before relocating to BC, and the one thing we can universally agree upon missing is the frequent stormy weather. The six of us let out a whoop of joy and RAN to the register to pay so we could go play in the rain. We didn’t even bother trying to figure out who ate what, we just split it in three and ran outside. The thunder and lightning didn’t last very long, but the torrential downpour soaked five of us to the skin – Ed, being less hip than the rest of us, opted to stay under the awning and watch the fun. He’s no stranger to my rain dancing; many times I’ve gone outside to get utterly soaked and then he complains that I get the car seats all wet. Hey, some people enjoy sticks up their bums; others enjoy running around in a monsoon and having to wring out their underwear when it’s all over. GOOD TIMES!

Today is Thursday, and about the time when I start figuring out what I’m doing this weekend. It’s supposed to be nice again, so a bike ride is definitely in order – but other than that, I’m open. We spent a lot of last night trying to plan Fun Things around everyone’s busy schedules – the birthday season is starting, and there are a lot of things on Operation: Fun that have yet to be done. I wanted to drag people out to Castle Fun Park again for my birthday, but we may need to reschedule because M&R won’t be in town that weekend – booooo. The Richmond Night Market starts up again on May 18th, there are parks and museums to visit, and before you know it it’ll be Road Trip season and then the Big Anniversary. So, there are things to look forward to. This pleases me.

Also, I am inordinately excited about this. Portable internet thrills me to no end.

rate my thingie

Posted in everyday kimli by

I yoink’d this from Donna – it’s some sort of movie promo quiz thing that tells you what kind of animal spirit you have. I put it on a different site because I didn’t want any moving pictures on my site – they might steal my soul – but take a look and rate me because I want to be an awesome animal. Seriously, if I turn out to be a hamster or something, I’m going to be pissed.

Rate Kimli’s Inner Spirit Animal Thingie!

Remember: I am awesome; not hamster-like at all.

where’s my box of chocolates and long stem rose

Posted in everyday kimli by

Ed gets triple Canadiana points today. This morning we were discussing the small infant who lives below us who, for the last week has been screaming at the top of her small infant lungs each night at 11pm like clockwork (please note: we are not complaining about the small infant, we are simply discussing her as though she were an interesting plate of radishes). We figure the small infant might be teething, as she is around the right age for teeth to start appearing. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Small infant sure screams a lot.
Ed: Yeah, I think she’s teething.
Me: You mean it’s teething time?
Ed: *breaks into a passable imitation of Leonard Cohen* yes, it’s teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethin’ tiiiime

I was audibly impressed that he did not go for the obvious and easy “Hammer Time” riff, instead busting out some excellent Leonard. Ed definitely wins this round – he even managed to get in a Tragically Hip reference in the car with regards to a Pho restaurant on the North Shore (for the record, it is sinking and Ed does not want to swim). I would doff my hat in his general direction, but I slept through shower time and therefore am using the hat to hide my unkempt mom hair.

I am so tired.