Monthly Archives: October 2007

at least my liver is happy

Posted in angst by

Ed is on his way to Saskatoon for a wild and crazy insurance convention. I know – I’m jealous too. Think about it! Insurance, a convention, Saskatoon – he gets to have all the fun. I hear the insurance industry has the best swag, too. I brought back MP3 players and computer hardware from CES, but I bet he’ll get pens and coffee mugs and maybe – just maybe – stress release balls. I am SO JEALOUS!

And apparently, too sarcastic for my own good. At least Ed has a job and isn’t some sort of unwashed bum with nothing to do but make fun of The Employed and wait for the postman to show up. It must be nice to actually have a purpose in life.

I am not doing so well. I am getting more and more depressed about my apparently undesirable and useless skill sets and worried that I will never, ever find a job. It does not help that I picked an absolutely lousy time to wean myself off my crazy pills; I have one pill left on the smallest dose possible before I’m off the chemically induced sanity teat. I’ve thought about going to the doctor and asking to up my dosage again, but that would involve taking a shower and going outside and frankly, I’d almost rather be miserable with incredibly intense withdrawal headaches.

Yes, things are just super.

a is for apple

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’m tired and out of sorts, so instead of words you just get pictures.

Here are the apples I prepared last night, stuffed and ready for baking:

And again, after being in the oven for an hour or so:

They were super good, but enormous – Darren was the only one who managed to conquer his; the rest of us ate half and took home tasty leftovers. I love cooking with apples; I have a repertoire of favourite apple recipes I like to bust out in the fall and winter.

Last night’s Nerds Do Thanksgiving feast was truly epic. Everyone brought such tasty food that we all had to be rolled out the door when it was time to go home. The booze was flowing fast and furious, so I got to play Designated Driver and drive the Delica back to the north shore. It was fun, and I did a perfect parallel park on my first try in a right-hand drive vehicle. Hooray for me and my mad skillz!

Looks like I had more words in me than I thought. I’m not convinced I’m making any sense, but at least I made an effort.

Hey, did you know that I hate waiting?

potlucky

Posted in everyday kimli by

My kitchen smells delicious.

We’re doing a potluck Thanksgiving dinner today, and my contribution is mashed potatoes, roasted garlic (so people can have garlic mashed potatoes if they wish), and baked apples. The garlic has been roasting for a while now, and it smells divine. I’m about to core the apples and stuff them with my SEKRET RECIPE, then package the whole thing up to bake later. Shan is downstairs making gravy and stuffing, and Miranda is making turkey and hams and yams. There are other people bringing other things, and we shall have ourselves a feast of epic proportions. Yay for potluck! Yay for Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for pretty much everything, really.

que sera sera

Posted in everyday kimli, i'm an astronaut by

I’ve been giving some thought to what I’m going to be if when (optimism for the win) I get a new job. Being an Astronaut has soured for me, so I need to find a new code profession for what I do.

Job titles I am considering:

  • Farmer’s Daughter – Milking cows, de-egging chickens, having sex with strangers in the hay. Life could be worse.
  • Rock Flautist – Think Jethro Tull or the chick from the Polyphonic Spree. I’ve never played a flute before in my life, but the title “Rock Flautist” makes me giggle.
  • Executive Butter Churner – If I’m going to churn butter, you better believe I’m going to do it at the highest level possible
  • Secret Secret Agent – So secret, the other agents don’t know I exist!
  • Rogue ADAM Harvester – I spent the morning playing Bioshock, and frankly, those sea slugs look like they might be good on toast
  • Verbal Gymnast – Back flip! Cartwheel! Naked somersault! Handspring!
  • Professional Forum Troll – It’s a hard market to break into; there are already so many pros out there
  • Gordon Freeman – I don’t think I’ve ever wielded a crowbar, but I assume I would be excellent at it. The facial hair and silence might pose some challenges, though
  • You – I was Time’s Person of the Year for 2006. Why isn’t this on my resume yet?

I think I may need to give this some more thought.

squeaky clean

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, nerd by

Grumble – my Gamer Tag Saga is at an end, albeit a little unsatisfactorily. After more emails and finally a phone call, it’s been determined that I am shit out of luck and the only solution is to create a brand new Xbox Live account. So, I did. I lost all my gamer points and achievements, but I was able to start fresh with my tag of choice. DeeAy was taken, but to my surprise, my first name wasn’t – I guess there’s a shortage of Xbox 360 games for wizards and dwarves and elfin princesses. So, if you have a 360 and wish to add me, my tag is Kimli. Much shorter than Zelicious Juice, at any rate.

I need to go outside. When you’re frankly amazed at how little laundry there is to do and you realize it’s because you haven’t been dressed in five days, it’s high time to clean yourself up and go outside. So, I did. My body is clean, perfumed, and dressed in clean clothes; my face is made up; my hair shellac’d into behaving, and as soon as I put shoes on I will GO OUTSIDE. No, seriously. OUTSIDE! ME! The amazing pasty hermit queen herself! I am so awesome; I deserve a medal.

Or maybe some lunch.

OUTSIDE!

graceful aging my ass

Posted in everyday kimli by

The Mazdabator is parked out back, unlocked. Please do not go into it and steal the 80 pounds of wood pellets we use as cat litter, or the 12 litres of Diet Coke in the back seat. Thank you.

They’re doing construction or something on the crack house down the block, and large trucks with industrial vacuums are making a heck of a lot of noise in the alley. It set our car alarm off repeatedly, so I just shut it off. There’s nothing of value in the car except for my Diet Coke, so I don’t think the car is in any danger .. but I’ll probably go rescue the bottles at some point anyway. I like Diet Coke. I don’t have a problem, I can quit any time. I’m not hurting anyone! You’re not my science textbook! Leave me alone!

I’m debating growing my hair out. I’m worried that I’m starting to look old – or at least closer to my real age than I ever have before in my life – and perhaps more hair will help coax the illusion of youth along for a while longer. Ed claims that at every point in an Asian woman’s life her age catches up with her and she looks 80 overnight. I am truly hoping that is not the case with me – I’ve really enjoyed the part of my genes that routinely has me looking 5-10 years younger than I actually am. I am too young to look 80, and I don’t own a boathouse yet. I also am far too jaded and cynical to buy into commercials for creams that will help stop the signs of aging. Fie on you, expensive creams – bright green eye shadow does the exact same thing, for much less money.

Why isn’t the postman bringing me packages of mystery? There’re at least half a dozen things I’m waiting for, probably more – I want my stuff. And Ed’s stuff, although that is not as interesting to me.

Yay! Job hunting!

danger potato

Posted in broken kimli, nerd by

Being by myself all day is hazardous. I just had a near death encounter with a potato when I discovered that I cannot breathe potatoes, much to my dismay. It’s dangerous to leave me to my own devices for upwards of 10 hours a day; I am just that clumsy.

The potato wasn’t even all that good. I nearly died for nothing! What a waste.

Near Death by Carbohydrate aside, I’ve been busy. I gave some thought to the whole video game obsession, and started a new section on my site in which I wax more poetry about the games I’m playing. It’s up there under the picture (which is new, lookit) in a section wittily called “Game Reviews”. If you’re really bored, check it out. There are many, many words in there because I do not believe in being brief or wearing briefs or carrying briefcases. I did add some handy shortcuts for ease of navigation; each game title links to the review on IGN.com (and not ING.com because I don’t think the friendly British Dutch man who wants to save you money would have a lot to say about video games), and best of all you get to see me licking a Japanese copy of Me and My Katamari. What’s not to love? Nothing, that’s what.

Seriously though, if you manage to make it through the page please let me know what you think – not even Ed had the patience to sit through it all, and he claims to love me.

I am 4 hours into The Phantom Zelda, and it is a hoot.

Yesterday I stood outside in the rain to wait for UPS. While I was out there I took some pictures that I think turned out pretty cool. I know any hack with a camera can take macro shots of stuff and garden pictures are boring and scream of rank amateurism, but I really like how these came out. So there.

Back to abusing my resources, then.

for sale: one (1) video game manual writer

Posted in nerd by

Lmpe ejsy O esmy yp fp? Know what I want to do? Other than learn how to type and the true meaning behind “home row”, that is?

I want to write video game manuals.

I got a chance yesterday to wax poetic about what I want to be when I grow up, and the answer just sort of came to me like a blinding flash of the obvious: I want to write game manuals. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I like to write and occasionally I have been known to play video games. It would make a whole hell of a lot of sense if I could put the two together and somehow still be able to pay rent each month. Whenever I am looking for a job (which seems to happen with startling frequency – good thing I own my own life preserver), I’m inevitably asked “Why don’t you write for a living?” While it’s supremely flattering to think that someone likes my finger words enough to believe that others would pay for the privilege of reading them, I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea where to begin, what to write about, or how to truly form a coherent sentence without abusing my most excellent friend, the dash.

I’ve bandied the idea of game reviews around too, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I’m extremely particular about the games I play (she says, looking at her bookshelf full of DS titles that are rarely touched except when it’s time to trade them in for more), and I don’t think I could do games I hate justice. While I could easily try to submit reviews for the games I do play and enjoy, I really don’t see me making a living at it. How many times can someone read “this game is okay, but it’s no Katamari Damacy” before they just give up? I’m thinking not very many.

I don’t think turning your favourite thing ever into a job is always that smart. You do things as a hobby to relax and get away from the real world, and I’ve seen first hand what happens when worlds collide – things get less fun, and as a being who is solely, 100% completely and utterly all about the fun, I don’t think turning my happy times into a daily grind is a good idea. That’s where game manuals come in. See, I very rarely consult a game manual when I dive into a new title. However, that doesn’t mean they’re not important – most people are not like me and tend to not think they know everything about all games ever, and will actually read or consult the manual before they start to play. Other people are like Ed, and will disgustingly and horribly read game manuals while on the toilet. Game manuals get read. They are important and occasionally awesome. I want to write them for a living – it’s combining two of the five passions in my life (the other three being Diet Coke, scooters, and bugging Ed for a pug) without encroaching on any of my hobbies. It makes perfect sense. I would be an incredible game manual writer. I’m detailed, amusing, anal retentive, and an excellent documentationist. I have a broad background (shut up) in video games, not just as a player but as someone who works in the industry sort of. I am cute and bubbly, and according to the lovely receptionist who ushered me into my meeting yesterday, have both a beautiful smile and first name – very important things in the world of video game manual writing. So, I’m all set.

All I need to do now is find a company looking for a video game manual writer. Naturally, I don’t have any idea how to do this. Short of parking myself on the doorstep of the many game companies in Vancouver and begging them for my dream job, I am at a loss for how to begin. This is what I want to do. How do I get there? Help!

25 years ago you really pissed me off

Posted in everyday kimli, i'm an astronaut by

Confidential to the woman who wouldn’t lend me a ladder as an 8-year old, saying “No dear, because I’m pregnant – there’s a baby in my belly”: My question was “do you have a ladder I could borrow because I’m locked out of my house”, not “would you like to ride bikes with me and try this wine I found”. Also, I was 8 and not 4 – I knew damn well you were pregnant, and what that meant. I needed a LADDER, not a retelling of Waiting for Baby. You suck.

This old memory resurfaced last night as I was trying to fall asleep, and I felt it really needed to be addressed. My indignation at being talked down to was almost as fresh as it was the day I left my keys in my other jacket and couldn’t get into the house after school; proof that I hold onto my grudges for WAY too long. I did eventually get into the house though, without a ladder – all it took was a screwdriver to pry the screen off the window to the den, and I crawled on through. I really fucked up the window, though. My dad wasn’t very impressed with that, even after I had tried to fix my damage with a hammer. I had to PEE! What else was I supposed to do, wait the 2+ hours until someone came home to rescue me? I loved being a latchkey kid, though. I got into so much trouble my parents never found out about in the few hours I was left to my own devices each day.

Crap and hell – I’m checking up on my references, and I can’t find one of them. Space Boss Charlie, my boss from the original Space Station, appears to be missing. Space Boss Charlie was awesome to work for and he promised to give me a super duper reference, which I still need. Even the internet is failing me on this one. This is why everyone should have an overly detailed blog, people. How am I supposed to go all Private Eye on your asses if you don’t make it easy for me?

I am waiting for UPS. They apparently have a package for me that I owe $6.78 on, and I don’t know what it is. I love presents, even if I more than likely bought it for myself. The mailman is here too, but he went next door first. I am sure he has goodies for me because I’ve gone on another online shopping spree to cheer myself up. Also, I just love getting things in the mail like the fancy rainbow styli below.

This life of leisure thing sure is boring.