Panic! I used a gift card to buy some books on the internets, and the tracking number for the package shows that it’s out for deliver – on FRIDAY! Where are my books? I only ever pay full price for books when I get a gift card, so these are very special books (ie: ones that didn’t cost me $4). We have a new mail person who doesn’t ring buzzers or leave package notifications, she tends to leave the item leaning against your apartment door. I’ve received two packages this way, but there’s nary a sign of my books. Where are my books! I hope no one stole them from my door. I will be a very, very sad monkey if that is the case.

(insert cynical comment about none of my neighbours being able to read anyway let alone wanting to steal books on miniature crime scenes [ooh, irony] or historical inaccuracies in American history)

I had yet another interview this morning. It went well, but all my interviews do – I know I interview well; it’s just getting past positions that aren’t quite right or we’re hiring internally but putting on a show or we’ll get back to you sometime in the next 6 weeks maybe. In the meantime, we continue the hunt. This has to end soon, right? Something will come along before I turn 50?

Yesterday I spent being sad about how much of who you are is defined by what you do for a living. When you don’t do anything for a living but sit by the phone and worry, there isn’t a lot you can contribute to the conversations around you. I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately; this whole feeling like I’m nothing because I’m an unemployed drain on society. You spend 8 of your waking hours at work, several more preparing for and getting to and from work, and the remainder taking in what relaxation you can before you go back and do it all again. That’s a huge part of life that I’m missing out on. I miss the money (a great deal – does anyone want to buy my XO so I can pay rent?), but I also miss the social interaction. I’m already somewhat of a complete loner freak; not being forced to interact with people on a daily basis is making me forget all about those social niceties I’ve worked so hard on. I remember being awkward. It’s not a place I want to revisit.

I have to go do groceries. Maybe I can socially interact with the soccer moms as they kill time before picking up their spawn in their shiny SUVs.

Most of the time, eating at Denny’s is a quick, tasty, affordable experience. It’s not gourmet by any stretch of the imagination, but it does fill you up nicely.

Then there are the times when the Denny’s in question is staffed by the unholy fry cooks of the damned, and your immortal soul is in danger with every bite you choke down your trembling gullet.

I don’t think I’ll be eating solids for a while.

I woke up this morning thinking about pre-natal vitamins. What the hell? Bad brain. BAD!

I finally heard back from one of the jobs I had interviewed for yesterday, and I did not get it. It sucks more than usual, because I had a really good interview with them and I felt really positive about it all. Unfortunately, they decided to promote from within and gave a current employee the position instead of bringing in someone awesome, ie: me. Their loss, I suppose.

I’m a little angry about it all, though. Yes, not getting the job sucks – however, they’ve known since Monday that they decided to keep it in the family and I had to call THEM to find this out. I’ve been anxiously waiting by the phone and email since day one, and they didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me until I hunted them down (literally, I had no contact information) and asked for an update. That’s three and a half extra days of worry I really, really could have lived without. Not cool.

So, I’m left waiting to hear back from interview one (4 weeks, 1 day and counting!) and the flicker of hope is fading daily. I do have another interview lined up for Monday that sounds promising – here’s hoping something good comes my way soon, because we’re running out of money and I’m getting scared.

Oh, and I’ve given up on working in the video game industry. I tried for four months straight and got exactly 1.3 nibbles that resulted in two “thanks but no thanks” – it was a nice idea, but I need a job and the statute of limitations on “follow your dream” has officially run out.

I enjoy the fact that my friends know to tell me to put on pants before they come to my apartment.

So, how’s stuff by you?

Apparently, I still have some secrets.

I’ve been spewing things onto the internet via this website for almost 7 years now, and sometimes I feel as though I’ve run out of things to talk about. It’s especially difficult to come up with interesting topics now that I’m not out on the town every day doing the 9-5 thing – there are very few good stories to be found in the domestic fondue that fills my day.

However, thanks to an off-hand comment made at yesterday’s breakfast, I have at least one more thing to talk about to stave off the inevitable flow of “what area of the apartment I cleaned today”. Are you excited? Are you salivating with the thought of new titillating tidbits from my mysterious life? Yeah, I bet.

I used to work in a car dealership.

And .. that’s about it. I was a hostess, the one who would greet customers on the lot and try to find out what they were looking for, then pass the information on to a salesman who would then do the selling. I hated it. I’ve never been good at feeling people up for information, and it just felt so slimy to me. I was very bad at it, and I think I only kept the job for 6 months or so – at any rate, I quit just before my “graduation” because they weren’t going to give me time off to go to Lollapalooza. There’s a lot more to the story of course, but it was actually a really bad time in my life (alcohol, shady people, date rape) and I honestly don’t feel like telling it all. The whole “car dealership” thing only came up during yesterday’s group breakfast at Dadeo’s when we were talking about dream cars – mine is a red convertible Cabriolet, just like the one that split my left index finger open like a grape and left a memorable scar. Before that moment, I had pretty much forgotten it all.

There. One less secret!

Yesterday’s pot roast turned out amazing. I made some Yorkshire pudding to go with it, and I honestly thing the whole thing is one of the best meals I’ve ever made. I am so proud of me! It was my first ever pot roast, too! In fact, I think I’ll go have some leftovers now.

Mmmm.