Monthly Archives: April 2008

catching up on my outrage

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

It’s been a crazy few days ‘round about these delicious parts, and I’ve barely had a moment to sit down and regale the internet with my heroic and naked deeds. All that changes today, though – I am in the Lab early, there are very few fires burning that I must tend to, and I have a breakfast burrito. Clearly, things are looking up and not just because I have extra salsa.

I did not, unfortunately, make it to the midnight launch of Grand Theft Auto IV. I would like to be able to say that I thought better of the entire thing, having realized the sheer folly in being awake at midnight on a work night just so I could join the sweaty nerd thugs in being able to purchase something a full eight hours before the rest of the population, but that’s not why. I had brilliant intentions to leave the house at 11:30 and scoot on over to my favourite EB Games, but .. well, I was just too tired to do it. It was still raining, I had a truly horrific day what with being wet for 15 hours straight, and no one would come with me, so .. I bailed on the midnight adventure. I am somewhat worried for my nerd cred, but I have faith that any one of the other thousand nerdy things I’ve done this year alone will prove that I am totally badass in strange, strange ways.

Besides, I picked up my copy yesterday morning. I figure I’ll have some free time to play it sometime on Friday night around 11pm.

That is, if I can pry the TV out of Ed’s clammy hands – we picked up Mario Kart Wii on Sunday, and it is a laugh riot of epic proportions. Ed’s taking a shine to playing online, and since the 360 and Wii are on the same TV, we will have to fight it out real time before we can fight it out in a virtual setting. I took heavy advantage of EB’s trade-in bonuses, and when everything was all totaled up they owed ME money. Good times. More people should owe me money.

So, about my rage dainties. Yesterday while attempting to get dressed so I could leave for work, I discovered that not one not two but THREE of my bras are royally fucked right up beyond normal repair. The hooks on the back have been straightened or just plain ripped out, and the underwires snapped into multiple pieces. BAD. My boobs deserve nothing but the finest in bra technology, and finding that three whole bras are wrecked is just infuriating. In a fabulous rage, I stormed to the internet and within five minutes, had ordered six new bras to replace my destroyed ones. TAKE THAT! I managed to find a sale and a coupon, so the 6 new bras are coming to me for the low, low price of $135. Since $30 of that is shipping, I am pleased with my discounts – after all, my bras need to be made of mithril with an adamantium core so $18 a piece is a friggin’ bargain. I’m not happy about having to buy new bras so soon, but this time around I bought nothing but function – no fur trim or sequins or crystal chandeliers; nothing but good old fashioned danger cleavage baring brassieres.

In other news, more than half of the 53 girls between the ages of 14-17 taken from the polygamist compound in Texas either are pregnant or have already given birth. Moral America, however, is too scandalized by the nude back of teen sensation Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus to give half a damn. Good game, America. Your priorities are clearly in the right place and once again, your common sense and compassion are stellar examples of the good our species is capable of.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go throw up in my mouth a little.

desire > common sense

Posted in nerd by

Grand Theft Auto IV is launching at midnight, and I kinda want to go. I’ve never been to a midnight launch before, and while I really expect it’s going to be nothing more than sleepy employees and excited neck beards standing in line in a deserted mall, I’m tempted. I also desperately want to bring a decanter of coffee with me, and offer up Hot Coffee to anyone who wants it. I am hilarious, you see.

Ooh – if I decide to go to the launch, I’ll have a perfect excuse to NAP when I get home from work. I am the Master of the Nap – it doesn’t matter how much sleep I got or the time of day or how much caffeine I just had; put me in bed and stick a cat on my ass and I’m out cold within 15 minutes. Of course, I can’t sleep when it’s bed time for reals, but I’ve learned to function anyway. And tonight if I can’t sleep, I’ll have a new video game to play. It makes perfect sense for me to go to the mall at midnight. I’d be a fool NOT to go!

Now that I’ve talked myself into it, it’s time to convince Josh he needs to come with me and that he should bring a baseball bat, just in case.

a very bad idea

Posted in vroom vroom by

I’ve had some astonishingly bad ideas in my day. There was that time I saw a break-in happening across the street and tried to get closer so I could watch; that one time I decided to give up sleep just to see what would happen; that other time I thought it might be a good idea to skip a week’s worth of birth control then take them all at once. And just today, when I decided to ride Oscar into work even though the forecast called for rain – that could definitely count as a very, very bad idea.

I think my first clue that perhaps I am not as smart as I claim to be came when water started dripping down my legs and pooling in my shoes. I squelch when I walk. The ass towel I made so many jokes about last week would come in very handy right now; I am soaked all the way through and getting my chair soggy. Wet denim is very heavy, and I am unfathomably uncomfortable.

I had to put out a call for Emergency Pants. Luckily for me, Miranda was around and had to go out this morning anyway, so she is answering my desperate plea for help. If she wasn’t available, I would either a) have to go home (not really an option since I have a full schedule today), or b) call Ed and ask him to go to a Lululemon or something and buy me some yoga pants. This is not fun. I wish I was warm and dry.

To be fair, it started out as a light drizzle. It wasn’t until I was almost at the bridge when it started to rain for real, and shortly after that a fucking STORM blew through and the deluge started. Cars were pulling off to the side of the road on the causeway because the visibility was so poor and there was just so much water everywhere. Not me, though. Armed with little more than my “rain” jacket and good intentions, I kept going through the Calgary-style rainstorm on my scooter. What else could I do? I wasn’t going to get any wetter, and I was ¾ of the way to the Lab.

I am going to bring some Emergency Pants into work tomorrow.

drunk with alcohol

Posted in drunk af, vroom vroom by

Scooter woes – Oscar’s battery is completely toast, even with a recharge. I hadn’t received the call that my ordered battery was in yet, so I called the shop today to inquire as to the whereabouts of my goods. I can still kick start Oscar, but it’s not ideal to have a completely dead starter – if the new battery doesn’t fix it, I will be sad and poor because it’ll mean a shop visit to figure out what’s wrong.

The Yamaha shop, however, seems to think that I am a total drunkard. I called in and gave the parts guy my name, which he gave back as “Lush? L-U-S-H …” as he typed it in. I’ve gotten many variations on my name by people who can’t hear my mumbly voice, but I’ve never had my name mistaken for Lush before. Funny!

If there was ever a day I wanted to use the “working from home” card, it’s today. Yesterday was brutal with the paint fumes, and at 3:45 I couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave. I knew the second coat of stinky, stinky paint was going on that evening, so the Lab would be even worse today. Alas, I am here – there’s a new guy starting today, and it’s part of my job to abuse him mercilessly until he weeps. I can already feel my throat being all angry with me, and I am not looking forward to the remaining 7 hours of my day.

However, it’s both Friday and payday today, so things could be a lot worse.

Update: There might be something to that drunkard thing, after all – we just got an email at The Lab saying there was FREE STUFF over in the party area. In addition to some books and a plastic kaleidoscope, I scored a 4-pack of apple cider. I am going to drink the paint fumes away!

a kept woman

Posted in science by

My three month probation period at the Lab is up next week, but my boss is going to be in Toronto during my D-Day. To ward off any nasty surprises, I went into his office today to ask.

Me: So, my probation is up next week .. uh .. are you gonna keep me?

Nicknameless Boss: What, are you crazy? You’re awesome! That’s a no-brainer!

Me: Hooray!

I am incredibly gunshy when it comes to job stability, something my boss is actually aware of. At any rate, I am still employed, and will be even after the three month “try before you buy” period is up.

Take that, Space!

sloppy drunks need not apply

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’m still alive, although if I take many more trips over the Knight Street Bridge on my scooter I may not be. That wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but I made it in one piece and got many shocked looks from massive semi trucks for good measure.

I spent most of yesterday in Richmond tooling around a warehouse on my hands and knees, making executive decisions left and right. At the end of the day I was filthy and congested, but I won’t have to go back there again unless catastrophe strikes and all my awesome work is unplugged. I was asleep until the moment I left the office and promptly passed out again when I got home, so I wasn’t near a computer for most of the day. It was a strange sensation, and one I don’t look to repeat anytime soon.

They’re painting our lab. When I came in the morning, the walls were a brilliant dark blue. It’s really nice, but I pretty much instantaneously got a really bad headache from the fumes. Also not helping: the rock n’ roll accountant brought his dog into the office today, and it’s super cute – so all the ladies in Accounting Land are cooing and squealing over the puppy and the noise, combined with the smell, is making my head throb like no other. This is going to be one hell of a long Thursday.

You know what I hate? Drunks. Especially sloppy drunks. Having to share personal space with sloppy drunks in a social setting make me seethe with superiority and scorn.

I have a shameful lack of interesting things to report these days, and it’s bringing me down. The weather outside isn’t conducive to fabulous adventures, and it seems that all the crazies are still hibernating through our unseasonably cold spring. Perhaps soon there will be exciting times, but they may be happening to everyone else – people are traveling to exotic places, and I .. well, I am trolling caves looking for Pokemans. Maybe more fun times would happen if I went outside.

I shouldn’t fret about my lack of travel, though. I am looking forward to next month’s road trip (even with all the math involved), and in June for my birthday Ed and I are planning my long-awaited scooter trip to Victoria. Those are exciting! I am content.

At least I would be, if Oscar’s battery wasn’t completely dead and the replacement I ordered on Saturday was nowhere in sight.

the earth is super

Posted in adventure by

Happy Earth Day, filthy hippies!

I will celebrate by complaining about the price of gas these days!

I promise this will not be one of those smug tirades where I crow shamelessly about how little it costs to fill Oscar’s tank, and I will endeavor not to feign shock that my last fill up cost almost $4 instead of the usual $3.20 (although seriously, that is crazy high). I know I am endlessly amusing to myself when I do that, but it must be really irritating to people who drive things that burn through upwards of $70 in fuel a week. While it completely must suck to be you, I’m sure you have valid reasons for driving your Turbo Hummer Cayenne Lexus Rover – perhaps it is that you have too much money. Anyway, this rant won’t be about any of that. I swear.

I’m worried about the expense associated with our road trip next month.

Ed’s cousin is getting married, so we’re using up most of our vacation time (again) to go out to Edmonton for the better part of a week. Flying is ridiculously expensive and puts us at the mercy of the wheels of others for our late night donair runs, so we’ve opted to drive. Road trips are fun, and I’ve actually made a pledge to not fly anywhere in 2008 so’s there are no extra CO2 emissions made on my behalf (I’ve also pledged not to own any cows because methane emissions are no fun either). Driving to Edmonton just makes a lot of sense, really.

But it’s going to be REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE to do so because the price is gas is so damn high.

I don’t remember the last time we fueled our car to fill the tank. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I bought gas at all – we use the Mazdabator on average twice a week, maybe. When I DO buy gas, it’s a) only because the “need gas” light is on and b) never, ever a full tank because the other $40 I’m not spending is clearly better spent on ale and whores. It’s going to take at least two full tanks to get us to Edmonton, and that’s going to be about $125-$150 in gas EACH WAY. That is EXPENSIVE.

No, seriously. I love going on road trips, and it’s sad to know that it’s no longer quite as simple as jumping in the car and taking off for adventure. If I had more leisure time to plan out my fun, I might look at taking a train – but that adds so much time to a trip, and when you’re working on mere scraps of vacation time each year you’re really looking for things that’ll bang your buck with conviction.

I wonder if I could scoot to Edmonton?