Monthly Archives: April 2008

knife wielding zombie pepper jack

Posted in adventure by

I need to have more adventures. It seems like everyone’s life is more exciting than mine – Josh got to witness some old gay man hookups while hiking, and Miranda gets to keep excellent company with an evangelical Christian for a week. Me? Well, I have Diet Coke. It’s just not the same.

Oh, wait – I have more than Diet Coke; I have page after page of badly written Exchange documentation I have to recreate from scratch. YEAH! It is clearly awesome to be me!

I have faith, though. I find blistering humour in things that are commonplace or terrifying to other people, so I just need to bide my time. My extremely irrelevant sense of self means that I am almost always highly inappropriate, and that makes seemingly everyday situations play out like a very bad movie. As well, the weather is slowly warming up which means outdoor good times – there’s ample opportunity for horrible (but funny) things to happen to me there. And! In just over two weeks, the Angels and I will be heading back to the potato farm for further investigation and staggering amounts of hilarity is to be had in naked farmers having group sex. I will find that cauldron, damnit.

In the meantime, I will ask questions about cheese.

Last night in a fit of whimsy I bought some mini mini Bocconcini (apparently it is really small, hence the need to emphasize the mini mini). Now what? I am not generally a cheese person at all, but once I had some sort of grilled bocconcini and it was good and now I want more. I have a tub of tiny cheese in brine; how do I make it taste good?

Cheese is hilarious. See?

the smell of wine and cheap perfume

Posted in everyday kimli by

Things I have done today that you probably have not:

  • Downloaded Britney Spears and Journey in the same heartbeat without a trace of irony
  • Took my pants off in the parking lot
  • Contemplated dangerous elective surgery for fun
  • Rickrolled Ed because he got a bad song stuck in my head
  • Asked my boss for popcorn money
  • Been reprimanded but secretly lauded for declaring myself Electron Overlord in my email signature
  • Decided over the course of 15 seconds that Miranda and I are going to Japan next winter, and started planning

.. just a normal Wednesday morning ‘round these parts.

I do believe I’ve been punk’d by ICBC. Yesterday my only piece of mail was an insurance renewal card in my name for a license plate I do not own. I immediately came to two conclusions – either ICBC was playing a city-wide April Fool’s joke, or someone had thefted my identity and was insuring cars left and right in my name. The latter didn’t seem likely, but the former was absolutely definitely what happened and I had to track the criminal down and beat them up or perhaps steal the car they insured in my name. Fortunately, I was too tired to do any of that right away so I resolved to wear my crime-fighting clothes under my regular work clothes just in case I was called upon to fight some crime.

As is the story of much of my life, the real reason behind the renewal notice was much less interesting than anything I imagined. I called ICBC this morning and after spending a million years on hold, I learned that I have a generic “extra insurance” policy attached to my person in case I get killt and the killer doesn’t have enough insurance to cover my expenses. That’s it. No crime, no fake Kimlis roaming the streets of Vancouver terrorizing citizens, nothing but a normal boring reasonable explanation.

I appear to be in some serious need of adventure.

i lied

Posted in everyday kimli by

I was really tired of my usual “oh and by the way I’m pregnant” April Fool’s joke – sorry about that. My ego is way too massive to ever stop posting; I envision myself as a tiny withered 97 year old woman floating around in my hoverchair making nonsensical updates via the thought-powered internet I had installed in my brain sometime in my 60s.

I will be an awesome cranky old person!

shocked by porn

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’ve been trying to find a picture of my Danger Shoes online to show Ali, but my search somehow took me to hardcore porn.

Normally that isn’t really a big deal, but I’m at work and I’m pretty sure it’s against The Lab’s appropriate internet use policy.

Full frontal anal penetration aside, it was pretty damn funny – this marks the very first time I’ve ever been full out shocked by pornography.

My stars!

this might just be the most fun i’ve ever had

Posted in nerd by

.. but I can’t tell, because I have no idea what’s going on.

My friends have been worried about me because I don’t have enough video games, so I’ve been importing DS titles from Japan. I have Arkanoid DS and Space Invaders Extreme, both playable with the fancy paddle that came bundled with Arkanoid. The majority of the text is in Japanese, but both games are so old school that it didn’t take much time to figure out. Good times.

Yesterday, my 3rd imported game showed up. It’s very fun – I think – but I have no idea what’s going on. Way back in the ago I bought Taiko Drum Master for the PS2 on a whim, and it turned out to be a great deal of noisy fun. When I discovered a DS version, there was really only one thing I could do – order the game, brush up on my drumming skills, and hope I can work my way around the Japanese screens.

Taiko Drum Master is probably one of the most bizarre games I own, and the DS version does not disappoint. I can’t tell what I’m doing, exactly, but I seem to be able to dress my drum up like a fish or a carrot or a wolf in a babushka and what more could I ask from a game? The music is hilarious – Japanese pop songs make me giggle – and it came with official DS Taiko drumming sticks. Ed was wary of the game but since he’s wary of everything I give it little thought. Funny Japanese game is the win, I think.

This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to force my way through a game in a language I don’t understand. I bought the Japanese version of Me and My Katamari for the PSP because a) it came with a cool pre-order gift and b) the NA version wasn’t out for another six months. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of text in that game so when I finally got the English version I discovered that I was doing everything wrong. I don’t mind, though. Owning things that aren’t from around here make me so awesome it hurts.

Hey, did I ever tell you about my first job? Ed thinks I’ve told the story and I think I’ve told the story but I can’t for the life of me find the entry. Does me working at a taco stand in a mall ring any bells? Let me know; I don’t want to tell a story I’ve already shared. I must be getting elderly in the brain.