Monthly Archives: September 2008

crushing disappointment

Posted in everyday kimli by

After the initial trauma wore off, I admit to feeling a strange sort of affection for my tiny plastic hentai victim. I thought perhaps she was lonely, so I went one step further and attempted to order her a friend.

My plan backfired, though – instead of a fresh new tiny plastic hentai victim, I got the same one. Boo! I was very disappointed, and now I have two of the same girl:

I can’t imagine gazing at herself in the same position all day would be very comforting, so I am offering up the second tiny plastic hentai victim up for adoption. Surely someone has room on their desk for this utterly disturbing piece of Japan. Let me know if you want it – it’s my gift to you.

Also, I feel like this thing looks:

you want to put that where?

Posted in everyday kimli, relationship drama by

On Wednesday morning, I will be signing a 5-year contract extension with Team No Babies by way of a Mirena IUD. I did a lot of thinking and while I really want to Fight the System on the “never say never” policy, I just want something in place already. Also, we’re running out of condoms. I don’t want to spend the next year or so in ovarian limbo as I try to find a doctor who will tie my tubes and then wait some more for the surgery – I want to have freaky no-baby-making sex NOW, and being able to bathe my eggs in random sperm with no fetal repercussions is a priority.

I’m ready for this. I’m mentally prepared for the discomfort, thanks to the repeated sharing of IUD horror stories by people who suck at quelling fears. Ed is coming to the appointment with me then taking me home – the doctor suggested I take the day off, because it’s gonna hurt – and tomorrow evening I will stockpile the bedroom with everything I might need during my convalescence such as reading material, DS games, computing devices, kittens, and Diet Coke. It will be fine. *I* will be fine.

I think.

Yesterday, I picked up my Mirena prescription. I discovered there are two things nobody bothers to tell you if you choose this method of birth control:

  • It’s EXPENSIVE. Price was never discussed, which is good because it might have made me change my mind. The device cost $396.28! Holy shit! Okay, yes – when you price out 5 years of birth control at approximately $35 a month (60x$35=$2100), it’s a bargain. I’m lucky enough to have benefits that cover 90% of the cost, meaning I only paid $39.63, but man. That shocked me a little. And only a little, because I was too busy being shocked over:
  • The size of the friggin’ box.

I’ve never actually seen an IUD up close and in person, but logic tells me it’s probably pretty small because it’s meant to fit in your uterus, which is not enormous usually. Nothing could have prepared me for the shock and awe I felt when the pharmacist handed me the box: it measures 16”x4”x1”. It is big.

How big?

Here are some images to help you determine just how shockingly large this box is:

Mirena vs Domo-kun

Mirena vs Domo-kun

Mirena vs my new boots

Mirena vs my new boots

Mirena vs Macbook

Mirena vs Macbook

Mirena vs a half full bottle of Limoncello

Mirena vs a half full bottle of Limoncello

Mirena vs Sasha

Mirena vs Sasha

WHAT THE HELL!

WHY IS THAT BOX SO BIG??!

I wasn’t scared until I saw that box, and now I am terrified.

I like my men like I like my burritos, but never have I ever requested a 16″ burrito.

I think I’m going to have to do some stretching.

AHH!

that didn’t work

Posted in everyday kimli by

I gave it the old collage try (mm .. glue), but the alcohol didn’t do much by way of fixing all my problems. I got extremely drunk extremely quickly – I am nothing if not extreme – then had a very bad headache for a great many hours afterward. I also turned lobster red – I was dubbed Zoidberg for the night. All in all, a failed experiment.

I don’t know why I feel so out of sorts. Things are quite well – there is a kitten, and new boots. My job is great, I love my apartment and the assorted creatures in it, and there is nothing looming over my head like some sort of horrible spectre. This, then leads me to think that perhaps TEH DEPRESSIONS is rearing an ugly head – except this time I am catching it as it happens instead of letting my world implode and then realizing that I am insane again.

Usually there is much to be said for progress, but this feels like a hollow victory.

I think I will listen to some happy music, doll myself up a little, and maybe ask Ed to put on that assless kilt and dance around a little for my amusement. That, or go shopping. Maybe both – at the same time!

Wait, that would get Ed arrested.

Which could also be highly amusing, actually.

Excellent.

freaking out

Posted in medical anomaly by

Not even an adorable kitten and fantastically awesome new boots can stem the tide of this panic attack.

Hooray!

Wait, no. Booooo.

I think I’ll get into the alcohol now.

That will clearly make everything better.

grand aspirations

Posted in relationship drama by

Lemon was very vocal about his displeasure at my leaving, so my errands will wait for another day. They weren’t important, and are actually moot for now – my damn game isn’t in at EB yet, and I have plenty of Diet Coke at home. There’s no reason for me to leave, which suits Lemon just fine.

He’s sleeping right now, which is giving my hands a break. He doesn’t seem to like it when I leave the room, but I’ve been ducking out to pee and spend time with the other cats, trying to ignore his tiny squeaky cries. He’s actually doing quite well, and seems to think he’s ready for the world beyond our spare room door. That won’t happen for a few days yet, but it’s good to see that he’s eager to mingle and explore.

I hope this all works out. That’s my biggest fear, and my greatest desire – I want a big happy family of animals and also Ed. We had a very rocky time leading up to Lemon’s arrival because Ed did not want a 4th cat, and I used very stupid tactics to drop the bomb on him. We patched things up (I hope), and seeing Ed interact with Lemon last night made me smile. It also makes me feel guilty on several levels: I know he’s trying to get along with this tiny interloper for my sake and also I think he wants babies.

Did I forget to mention that?

I think Ed wants kids. He would make a great father – he’s good with small creatures, both human and non. Deep down I think that part of his refusal to get a vasectomy is because a very small part of him wants babies, and that terrifies me more than my eloquent vocabulary can let on. My membership in Team No Babies is unwavering as ever, but I do sometimes feel guilty that my selfish decision to spit on my god-given duty to procreate might affect others.

Only sometimes, mind you – I am nothing if not selfish and self-righteous in my refusal to let other people sway how I live my life, even if I happen to be married to one of them. I do not play well with others.

This is what happens when I’m locked in a room with a computer and a sleeping kitten – I think. I should never think. Scary things come to the surface when I think.

cream lemon

Posted in kitties by

Lemon is adorable. I’m trying very hard to get some pictures, but he won’t sit still – when he’s not trying to climb up my arms, he’s running around trying to attack nothing.

He’s so very chill – nothing seems to faze him at all. With this in mind, we attempted a mini-integration last night:

  • Cheddar was curious, then hissed
  • Sasha freaked the fuck out and had to be restrained
  • Hobble was afraid of him

We have grand hopes for Hobble and Lemon – they managed to sleep for a bit on the same bed. I blew it, though – Ed kept picking up Lemon and slowly moving him towards the snoozing Hobbs, and I couldn’t stop laughing. That woke Hobbs up, who saw the kitten, and jumped off the bed. I couldn’t help it. Too funny. The tiny, tiny kitten chased the enormous Hobbs around the room for a bit, then plopped down to get some more sleep. We’ll try a visit again tonight, but Hobbs doesn’t seem completely opposed to the idea (Cheddar will come around, and Sasha will continue to destroy the universe) so we may have peace – and dare I hope, snuggles – some day soon.

I’m very much enjoying my day off. I spent much of the morning snoozing and playing with Lemon, and now I’m about to head out to do a few quick errands. It’s all very domestic in here today, but I don’t mind. There is kitten. He is tiny and pointy and so very cute.

rope

Posted in everyday kimli by

It is unnerving to see rope outside your window.

It is a thousand times more unnerving to see that same rope falling very quickly to the ground.

I’m not really afraid of heights, but I *am* afraid of falling off high buildings.

introduction

Posted in everyday kimli by

It was supposed to happen this morning, but for the sake of office harmony, we moved it to this afternoon. I doubt I’ll have time to update when it all happens, so I will spill the beans now:

Before the day is out, you will get to meet Cream Lemon, the Incestuous Bad Idea Kitten!

I’m adopting the kitten from a co-worker. He’s 9 weeks old, and some sort of Siamese brown point/gray point mix. The pictures I’ve seen so far, while blurry, are adorable. I will have many pictures to share before the week is out, I’m sure.

What’s with the name?

I have a history of giving my animals outlandish (if not downright ridiculous) names. Lemon (as the new kitten shall be known) was named because I was Wiki’ing “incest in popular culture” (don’t ask). I stumbled upon the Cream Lemon saga and thought it was a great name. Very shortly after, the decision – a bad one, according to almost everyone – to adopt the kitten was made. Upon learning that his parents were brother and sister from the same litter, it dawned on me that this kitten was in fact the product of incest – which tied in nicely with the whole “Cream Lemon” thing. My coworker was a little embarrassed to let the whole cat incest thing be known, but I found it hilarious because I am highly inappropriate.

I am very excited and also sleepy. I took the rest of the week off to work on Operation: Kitten Integration, and will be living in the spare room with the door closed for the next couple of days. I’m hoping the kitten will bond with Hobble, who really needs a playmate – he likes to pounce on Cheddar, but she’s getting old and can’t really take a 22lb wall of cat flying at her from all directions.

Sasha will sit in her corner and hiss as usual.

I am well on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady.

stain remover ftw

Posted in everyday kimli by

After Gillian came to my rescue last week after a salsa-related emergency, I came to see the wisdom of carrying a Tide-To-Go pen with me. I bought one that afternoon, and have used it a half dozen times since then. It’s a very good idea for someone like me – a klutz with an ample bosom – to have the ability to rapidly remove stains. Ed suggested that I choose my wardrobe based on what I’d be eating that day, but I don’t own that much red. Besides, it doesn’t work – I’m wearing white right now, and I managed to drip butter on myself. I’m spot-free – for now – but just to be safe, I think I will eat lunch with a bib.

Tomorrow, I will finally let you know what this Cream Lemon thing is all about.

You cannot wait.