Lola is apparently out of oil. Her red blinky light had been going off on the dash, so I hauled out the manual to see what’s up. It suggested – eventually; it’s a very convoluted manual – that I check the oil, so this morning before I left I did just that. According to the dip stick, I have no oil at all. This is not good. I need oil. Ed, help! Make oil go!

Discovering Lola was in no shape to ride was the least of my Monday morning mishaps – I left the house multiple times today, eventually escaping on the 4th try. I slept upside down last night, and I think it made my brains sort of squishy – I’ve done many things very, very wrong today, and there’s a whole lot more Monday to go.

My birthday is in 12 days. I suggest that someone get me this:

better get me three or four, just in case