I realize that I unintentionally upset a lot of people with my “Real Vancouverites” label, so it’s time to do some ‘splainin’:
The 60,000 of you who have read those words in the last 20 hours or so – hello, by the way – don’t know me, or spend any time inside my head. What seems to you like a cruel dig at the ‘burbs really isn’t, because that’s not how I roll. I could spend paragraphs trying to make you see my brain matter, but it’s not yet 8am, I haven’t had any Diet Coke, I’m naked and wet from the shower, and I’m really regretting last night’s spontaneous home haircut .. so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.
“Real Vancouverites” had nothing at all do to with geography, and everything to do with pride (and taxes). I’m proud to live in Vancouver, and that pride – plus a very strict moral code and tiny little elf hands that couldn’t flip a car if they tried – is what stops me from doing things like rioting, destroying property, lighting cars on fire, and running people over with my scooter (although that last one is harder to avoid with every Mercedes that tries to run me off the road). The rioters? They don’t care about this city. They just wanted to cause some trouble, have some “fun”, and maybe show their friends how cool they are what with all the awesome pictures people took of them. They are not who I think of when I think of the people who make up Vancouver, the Lower Mainland, BC. They don’t embody the spirit of our city – THESE people do. These are the people who are “Real Vancouverites”, regardless of where they actually live. They’re what make our city great, and are the ones who deserve to live in this awesome, amazing part of the world.
So, why make such a big deal about the rioters not being from Vancouver proper? Taxes, man. My knowledge of where my tax money goes pretty much ends at paying my many parking tickets, but these carpetbaggers (I really just wanted to use that term again; it’s great) live – and pay taxes – in Richmond, Maple Ridge, Delta. Okay, maybe some of the property tax their parents pay go towards keeping Vancouver beautiful, but I bet most of it goes to the town they postally live in. Hell, Water Polo Dick Douche lives in Calgary. He doesn’t pay squat in Vancouver. He isn’t FROM here, in every sense of the word.
Next on my Lucy Docket: naming names. See the part of the post below where I fully admit that vengeance is not pretty? Well, there you go. Yeah, I’m rotten enough to want their acts to follow them around. Other people gain notoriety for far worse or ridiculous reasons; why shouldn’t this be the same? People are asking me if I would want my dirty laundry aired for all to see – um, it already is. Again, you’re new here – but I’ve been blogging here for YEARS (ten of them!), and I. Share. EVERYTHING. Also, I’m not an asshole and don’t have any humiliating acts of vandalism following me around. The worst thing the Wayback Machine has on me is the fact that my very first webpage ever was written in Comic Sans – embarrassing, but wouldn’t keep me from getting employed (as anything other than a designer or typesetter). If you don’t do shameful, cowardly things, they won’t follow you around. It’s that simple.
The information I posted last night is widely available for anyone with the gumption to do a little digging. I had nothing to do last night, so I dug and dug and then I wrote in a fit of righteous ire and also a cape. *I* didn’t out these people, their actions did. I consilodated the information, added some snark to it, and made a post on my blog. Did I expect my internets to blow up like this? Of course not. Am I regretting my post? Oh HELL naw. That’s not how I roll. I’m good at rolling, too. Optimus Prime taught me.
I might be Batman in my head, but I am just one small round girl on the internet with fast fingers and the mouth of a sailor. If my information is proven to be wrong, I will gladly remove it and post several flowing odes in honour of those I did done wrong. If I’m right, though .. well, free speech and the power of SEO and all that good stuff. I didn’t post anything that isn’t ALL OVER THE INTERNET. I just made it accessible. I’m like a wheelchair ramp. Why are you yelling at a wheelchair ramp?
Lastly, I’m trying very hard not to think about the cold, hard fact that this is the most exposure my blog will likely ever have, in all 10+ years of existence – and it’s not because of anything awesome I did or wrote, but because some jackhole dick douche idiots had to go and wreck the city I love. That’s sobering and depressing (but I’ll still take it). After all, I’m only human.