drama queen

We came home from our trip a week early, because:


Basically, something was wrong with Hobbz (oldest kitty and Ed’s one true love). In the weeks before we left, he had started peeing on the floor in the downstairs bathroom. We’d catch him in the act, he’d stop for a few days, then start up again. Nothing else seemed wrong – he would just very deliberately pee on the floor, then leave like nothing happened. He hadn’t done it in the few days before our trip, so we just hoped he was being a prima donna about the state of his litterbox.

Unfortunately, the floor peeing got a lot worse. Our neighbour and cat sitter both reported in that he was a veritable fountain of pee; hosing down the bathroom at all hours of the day and night. He was also being unusually skittish, wouldn’t let anyone touch him, and was looking pretty rough. All of these are highly unusual, but when pee started to appear outside the downstairs bathroom, we knew something was seriously wrong. We asked our cat sitter to please take him to the vet, which went about as well as expected: he fear-peed all over everything to the point where he had no more pee for the vet to take. Blood was drawn, then they were sent home so Hobbz could be put in isolation in an attempt to capture some pee for testing (didn’t work – puppy pads are REALLY ABSORBANT).

Meanwhile, Ed and I are in Lille and feeling like horrible cat parents and terrible people all around. We discussed it briefly, and made the decision that we would cut our trip short and fly home as soon as possible. We were pretty much in the middle of nowhere, which complicated matters – but I searched through every possible combination of cities, trains, and airports and managed to come up with a return trip home that didn’t cost $2500 each, leaving on Saturday. It was Thursday at this point, so we left Lille and headed to Brussels as originally planned. We’d get a day and a half in Belgium (better than nothing), then leave from Brussels early Saturday morning to take a train to London and fly from Gatwick at noon.

Brussels was truly lovely, but both Ed and I were really distracted with worry about Hobbz so we didn’t get to see nearly as much of the city as we normally would. We made the best of a bad situation with many beers (for Ed), statues of small children peeing, crazy waffle concoctions, and huge epic castley things. I ate a weird taco. Pay toilets are both awful and great. Tourists are fucking rabid about Manneken Pis, which is surprisingly tiny. A great gay store named Boris Boy reminded me of my long-standing grudge against women’s sex toys and roused my outrage all over again. I drank the Diet Coke I smuggled into the country smugly. Angst aside, we had a lot of fun.

I was struggling, though. There’s a 9-hour difference between Brussels and Vancouver, and our cat sitter would arrive around 3pm each day so I’d be awake well after midnight, waiting for updates and passing along information for the vet. We had to be at the train station by 7am on Saturday for our train, so I was up at 5:30 to shower and finish packing and make sure everything was ready to go. Worry for Hobbz, stress about being so far from home, lack of sleep, angst over cutting our vacation short, and wracking internal sobs about having to return to the reality of my work situation a full week earlier than intended has taken a huge toll on me – I am not myself, something Ed has repeatedly noted over the last few weeks.

Still, we made it home. Our plane landed on time, all our luggage arrived, and by 4:30 we were pulling into our garage, desperate to see our cats.

All of whom were totally fine (and beyond ecstatic that we were home).

The vet thinks Hobbz has a slight kidney or bladder infection, or possibly a stone. Most (but not all) of the peeing has stopped, leading me to suspect he was being a complete fucking drama queen because Ed wasn’t home. We had to collect a urine sample from the floor to take to the vet, but that’s happening today and we’ll get a course of treatment for Hobbz .. who, incidentally, perked up a thousandfold the instant he saw Ed.

I am trying very hard to be pragmatic about our melodramatic diva of a cat, but there’s a liiiiiittle bit of resentment there. I’ve STILL never been to Amsterdam, damnit.

I know we did the right thing, and Hobbz isn’t out of the woods yet. Still, I can’t help but feel cheated out of what was supposed to be a complete distraction from the last few months – it kinda feels like I can’t catch a break. I wasn’t supposed to return to work until the 17th, but since we’re home and I don’t get paid time off, there’s no reason for me not to work the week. We’ll also need the money to cover the extra train tickets and flights home, because even though we had trip insurance, I don’t think it covers pet illness or emotional manipulation via floor urine. I haven’t been able to submit the claim yet, but I’m not hopeful. And I feel just weird overall – I’m glad to be home, but at the same time this is the last place I want to be.

I’m trying not to be all fatalist about this maybe being the last vacation we’ll ever take because once I lose my job we won’t be able to afford stuff like this (not to mention this trip was booked with proceeds from the sale of Sparta), but I am REALLY GOOD at being fatalist.

Pictures soon!


here is some insult with your injury

Dear Kimli,

As a member of our PetCare Family we are privileged to have the opportunity to provide peace of mind for you and Sasha. You can rest assured that Sasha is protected from the high costs associated with unexpected and unforeseen medical treatments.

Blah blah blah we’re raising your rates blah bliggity blah

We look forward to continuing to enhance your special relationship with Sasha.

Oh, so many responses:

  • FUCK. YOU.
  • Peace of mind for me and my dead cat? Where do I sign?
  • I am interested in hearing how you plan to enhance the special relationship I have with the URN OF ASHES I have on my desk, and I would like to subscribe to your publication.
  • FUCK. YOU.
  • I’m eligible to enjoy a further 5% discount through your Microchip Registration Program? Excellent! I will endeavor to solder a chip to the dust and bone fragments, all that remain of my best friend ever, immediately so that we are adequately covered in case of unforeseen medical expenses.

As you might be able to tell, I didn’t take the letter very well. There were tears. There may have been rage and Hulk Smashing. I’m pretty sure I swore loud enough to be heard in West Van. I was not a happy girl.

We’re dealing with it this morning, because in addition to the 2 months of insurance they’ve taken from my account, we’re supposed to get $100 to offset the cost of death. They owe ME money, not the other way around. Also, they suck. The vet says they’ve sent in the paperwork twice, but the insurance company says they never received it – so I’m sending it in myself. There WILL be justice for Sasha, or I will seriously cut a bitch and enjoy every second of it.


not everyone poops

That was one hell of a weekend:

  • Bitter ex-boyfriends!
  • Skinny dipping in a rooftop pool!
  • A gay wedding!
  • Making out with a straight woman in the pool!
  • Getting to third base!
  • A great deal of drinking!

.. unfortunately, all of the above happened to my friend Jim and not me. His weekend was one for the record books; mine was not nearly as fun as I had planned (so I borrowed his instead). I was supposed to go to many parties for various celebratory good times, but instead I stayed home and waited for my cat to poop.

I woke up on Saturday morning to get ready for Heather’s birthday BBQ. I was to load up the Mazdabator with meat and Shan and Miranda, then head out for an afternoon in the sun with some awesome people. Later that night, we would go to Tanya’s housewarming party to meet her new beau and continue the good times with more people. What fun! How social of us! I had been looking forward to the day’s parties for several weeks, so I arose in fine spirits to get ready for the day.

Then Lemon got sick.

He started off by making some horrible noises that freaked us both out. We looked him over to see what was wrong and quickly figured out that he was all blocked up in the bum area. We tried to help – believe me, there IS such a thing as a lube emergency and it was a terrible time to have one – but he flipped out and cried and hissed and it was just awful. Ed called the vet who told us to bring him in immediately or he could die. Well, fuck. I freaked out while Ed took him to the vet, where they extracted the blockage and drew some blood and urine for testing. They sedated him and gave him fluids while looking him over, then eventually released him to us: we were to keep him separate from the other cats to make sure he used the litter box without issue.

Lemon was incredibly glad to be home – he’s never been so affectionate. He was clearly feeling much better – poop excavation is apparently a wonderful thing – but he wouldn’t use the litter box. We watched over him in shifts all day and into the night, and eventually – at 11:45pm – we were rewarded, sort of: Lemon peed. Hooray! Except, that’s not really what we were waiting for – we needed him to poop without issue before we could rule out calling the emergency animal clinic.

Ed spent a hilariously gassy night with Lemon in the spare room, but by the following morning he still hadn’t produced any poop. We were worried, because Lemon had eaten a can and a half of food by now and should have been pooping up a storm. As a last ditch effort, Ed cleaned out all the litter boxes in the apartment and then, just after noon, success! Lemon pooped without a whimper! YAY! We celebrated: Ed went for a long bike ride with Josh, and I went shopping with Shan and then we washed our scooters. YEAH! We are party ANIMALS!

The vet will call today with the test results; they’re worried this is the beginning of a larger problem. Lemon is fine and back to his old self, although a little more affectionate and less of a bastard than usual which I am okay with. Neither Ed nor I had ever been so excited about poop before, and this is probably the last post I will ever voluntarily make on the subject because it is gross.

So, I missed out on all the weekend fun, but my cat is feeling much better and that is the important thing. There will be other BBQs and much more summer fun to be had – it is all good.

Besides, it’s my Thursday today. I’m heading to Victoria on Wednesday to play nursemaid while my mom has cataract surgery. Internet service has been ordered, the DSL modem is in my bag and ready to go, and I’m almost packed. I’m looking forward to it – I’m pretending it’s a mini vacation – but I really need this rain to go away before Wednesday.

Also, I would like to have Jim’s weekend.

she’s onto us

Sasha’s been taking a series of pills for the last couple weeks in an attempt to combat the various things inhabiting her body. As soon as she started feeling better, her appetite was frankly hilarious – she would eat upwards of a can and a half of (very expensive, damnit) specialty food a day and STILL scream at us for more every time we went near the kitchen. She would even take her pills with hunger, because of these little things called Pill Pockets – a treat with a hole in it for you to drop the medicine into. Things were awesome. She was hungry, she loved the treats,  I didn’t have to struggle to get pills down her throat, and the vet was buying a new Ferrari every week.

Sasha’s appetite is finally slowing down, which means she isn’t eating everything in a 3 mile radius. Unfortunately, this is allowing her to be more picky with her food. She now KNOWS that there are pills inside the treats, and will do one of two annoying things: refuse the treat outright, or eat around the goddamn pill. She spits them out and looks at me as if to say “I know what you’re doing, and I will not play along”. Last night she would. not. take her medicine, and this morning – because I’m not running around trying to get to work on time; I have the day off – I tried to bribe her with her favourite treat: tuna. 1/4 can and 30 minutes later, the tuna plate is clean save for three little partially digested chunks – she spat them out. Fucker! I hand-fed her two of the pills wrapped in tuna, but the last one I had to bodily force into her mouth. I don’t think she’ll let me do that again – this is the cat that made the vets settle for less-than-ideal x-rays because she would not allow them to put her on her back. She’s like an angry old lady who hits people with a cane.

How the hell am I going to get all her medicine in her? She’s got at least two weeks of pills left, and I can’t spend half an hour each morning fighting with her. If she’s spitting out tuna, it’s going to take an act of frickin’ god to get those pills down. Any cat owners have any tricks for me short of heating the damn things up in a spoon and making her freebase them?



solid gold ultrasound

I think Sasha’s feeling better – she’s growling at the other cats again.

In a fit of wanting to be a children’s book author, I made Sasha her own page: it is here. Cans for Comments was such a success that now I’m doing Kisses for Komments – each comment left for Sasha will result in extra love and belly scratches for her. So, y’know, comment. Think of the children, by which I mean the cats.

Unfortunately, the vet is almost certain Sasha has cancer. Her blood work came back yesterday, and it’s not good. She wants Sasha to get an ultrasound immediately to find out how bad it is, but there’s a catch: an immediate ultrasound will cost $1500. On the other hand, if Sasha can wait two weeks, it’ll be $300 – there’s a traveling ultrasound technician who does vet visits, as opposed to taking her into the animal version of the Mayo Clinic. The thing keeping us in check – other than the incredible expense – is that we don’ t know how badly or how quickly she’s failing. I’m taking her in on Wednesday for more blood work, which should tell us if she’s getting rapidly worse or if it’s a slow decline. Once we know what she has and how bad it is .. well, I don’t know what comes next. How do you treat cancer in cats? I’m afraid of the answer.

Miranda and Jeanie surprised the hell out of Ed and I by setting up a donation page for Sasha – the link is at the bottom of Sasha’s page. I’m blown away by their generosity and the gesture itself – it’s very comforting to have all of you around, virtually or otherwise. Please don’t feel obligated to donate – every little bit helps and we absolutely appreciate it, but even just knowing people are thinking of Sasha is amazing.

My mom is here, and we’re going to do some wandering around town. I don’t know that Ed is aware he will be coming with us yet – he’s very comfortable watching HD sharks (much more scary than regular sharks), but he’s going to have to get off the couch soon. I don’t know why he’d be so reluctant – isn’t it the dream of every guy to take his mother in law and petulant wife to the busiest mall in the city on a rainy Saturday to wander around looking at shoes and purses all day? He should be thanking US!

Poor Ed.

cream lemon

Lemon is adorable. I’m trying very hard to get some pictures, but he won’t sit still – when he’s not trying to climb up my arms, he’s running around trying to attack nothing.

He’s so very chill – nothing seems to faze him at all. With this in mind, we attempted a mini-integration last night:

  • Cheddar was curious, then hissed
  • Sasha freaked the fuck out and had to be restrained
  • Hobble was afraid of him

We have grand hopes for Hobble and Lemon – they managed to sleep for a bit on the same bed. I blew it, though – Ed kept picking up Lemon and slowly moving him towards the snoozing Hobbs, and I couldn’t stop laughing. That woke Hobbs up, who saw the kitten, and jumped off the bed. I couldn’t help it. Too funny. The tiny, tiny kitten chased the enormous Hobbs around the room for a bit, then plopped down to get some more sleep. We’ll try a visit again tonight, but Hobbs doesn’t seem completely opposed to the idea (Cheddar will come around, and Sasha will continue to destroy the universe) so we may have peace – and dare I hope, snuggles – some day soon.

I’m very much enjoying my day off. I spent much of the morning snoozing and playing with Lemon, and now I’m about to head out to do a few quick errands. It’s all very domestic in here today, but I don’t mind. There is kitten. He is tiny and pointy and so very cute.