Daily Archives: February 8, 2007

i don’t know why i swallowed a fly

Posted in medical anomaly by

Finally, my doctor prescribed me the one thing I’ve truly needed for a long time: medicine that will make me pee more.

I saw Dr. Safari last night (no sign of the Latino Sherpa though) for a refill of the anti-crazy, and she took my blood pressure because I think she really enjoys doing it. The last several times I’d been in for my various herpes my blood pressure clocked in high – I just attributed it to my near-constant rage at the world around me, or that I always seemed to be having a terrible day when I had to go to the doctor. Last night was no exception; my panties were in a mighty bunch over the various ways in which Ed had done me wrong. My seemingly constant high score worried Dr. Safari though, so she prescribed me half a low dose of some drug that, among other things, will make me pee like a jolly fiend. It’s also reputed to increase my sensitivity to sunlight, so I’m going to be a hypertensive pee-crazy vampire in danger of heart attacks and kidney failure. Hooray!

the secret of the door

Posted in everyday kimli by

Last night while herding cats back into our apartment, I noticed something strange – there were words carved into our front door. I immediately leapt into Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist Mode, wondering if the idiots upstairs had exacted revenge on our door by carving some (undoubtedly misspelled) bad words or insults into it. A closer inspection of the door told me this wasn’t the case – the words had been there for a very long time, and in fact had been lacquered and coloured over in an attempt to hide the words. The cover-up worked adequately enough, since we’ve lived there for six months and this was the first time I really clued into the fact there were words there and not just scratches. Now that I knew there was a message though, it was time to once again go all CSI up in my bidness.

My first go at deciphering the message was to take a piece of paper and rub a pencil on it to make the words stand out. Only problem: no pencil. Okay, let’s see if this method would work with a highlighter! Conclusion: nope, that doesn’t work. Do I have any crayons handy? I’d long since thrown all my crayons at Steve and didn’t have a single one handy. I did have pencil crayons, but they were all in storage and I was feeling lazy – it was almost midnight. What to do?

I eventually decided on manual translation. I stood at the front door staring at the words until I could make them out, and at long last I was able to figure out what it said.

The message was totally worth the effort, too. If I hadn’t spent 30 minutes of my life Nancy Drewing the words off the door, I would’ve never discovered the following Confucius-like verse:

Boo-Boo’s Place
OH YEAH and the
Loonie!

For some reason, I am less than satisfied.