we’re off!

Adventure: Ireland begins today! We leave for the airport in a few hours, flying first into Heathrow and then taking a short hop into Shannon where we pick up our rental car and drive to Galway. I’m not looking forward to flying into London and then immediately leaving – there will likely be tears, because I am a ridiculous creature. Still, I’m very excited about our upcoming trip. We’ll be driving around Ireland for 10 days, then hanging out in Dublin for a while before coming home. ADVENTURE!

We’re also celebrating some milestones on this trip. On September 10th, Ed and I will have been together for twenty fucking years jesus christ that is a long ass time. If that’s not scary enough, the 21st of September will be our 15th wedding anniversary. We are celebrating with literal shamrocks and shenanigans (this remix is better than the original).

The hashtag for the trip is #kimligobragh. I’m not crazy about it, but let’s be honest – nothing will ever top #kimlichiwa as a trip tag. Also, the future is weird. Follow along on Facebook and Instagram, where I will undoubtedly post a zillion pictures of epic cliffs and roaring seas.

In other news, I am in a good spot right now. August was made of stress around here, but things have resolved themselves to managable-if-not-outright-satisfactory and I can breathe heaving sighs of relief. I’ve also had some fun: last Saturday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I spent the weekend in Seattle with Ali, and our day started out with breakfast with the girls (complete with avocado theiving) and a trip to the new Funko store in Everett which holy crap that place is made of awesome. I was fairly proud of myself for not going nuts in the store and buying everything in sight, but Ed saw through my ruse and knew it was because I actually own most of it already. Still, the store is packed with life-size Funko figures which are super cute. The Japan section has a great Godzilla scene going on, you can visit Hogwarts and Gotham, and .. just go check it out. It’s worth the trip, promise.

That evening, Ali took me to Art of the Table for my very first visit. Ed has been to AOTT many times, as have most of our friends – but somehow, I’d never gone in the 10? years it’s been a part of our social circle. I was getting pretty grumpy about it, but this past weekend I got to experience the whole thing.

It was probably the best meal I’ve ever had. I wanted to try everything as it was meant to be enjoyed, so I didn’t let any of my food pickiness dictate my meal. We had the tasting menu, in which small plates come at you continuously until you basically can’t move – and as a special request Barman Mitch gave me an introduction to the world of Gin (as I have previously decided that I am going to enjoy gin). I got very drunk but in a sophisticated way (there may have been some drunken facebooking about my boobs, sorry about that), but I managed to keep myself upright and thoroughly enjoyed each of the drinks Mitch made for me. Ali had a paired wine with her plates that I also tried and actually liked – that brings the total number of wine I enjoy to TWO. Yeah, I’m all fancy now.

If you’re a foodie or just want to try something special, I highly recommend a visit to Art of the Table. Seriously, I can’t really do the experience justice with mere words – it was SO FUCKING GOOD.

After food, it was time for burlesque! One of my favourite people ever was performing in a show in downtown Seattle, so we went to see some beautiful people take off their clothes. We were a bit late and missed part of the first act, but the show was three hours long so there was plenty for us to take in. Also, burlesque raffle: I won! Boobs were involved, and other substances. It was great. We were there to see Lauren perform, and her act was so great – completely different from the other performers, it was hilarious and adorable. I love Lauren. Have I mentioned that?

It was such a good, good, day. It’s been way too long since I’ve had quality Ali time.

Oh and on Tuesday, Ed and I went to a live sex demo. It was live! Live sex! Demonstrated!

More on that later, if I remember: I need to go triple-check the number of cardigans I’ve packed, and probably put on some clothes for the plane.

ADVENTURE HO!

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cliffs for daaaaaaaays.

punk rock feels

Once of the first (PG13) things Ed did when we started dating was introduce me to punk. Until that point, the only punk I had really listened to was some early Green Day courtesy of a boy I had a huge crush on (which was unreciprocated because his “type” was the complete opposite of everything I am but dang if I didn’t try), so the music Ed played for me was utterly new and totally fascinating. I loved the music, and bands like Descendents, ALL, Bad Religion, Lagwagon, Strung Out, and No Use for a Name became the soundtrack for that period of my life.

Last night we saw the Descendents play the Commodore Ballroom in Vancouver, and I was immediately hit with ALL THE FEELS for those early, confusing, libidinous days. The show was a bucket list item for Ed, and I’m so glad we went (we have a really bad habit of buying tickets to shows but not going) – they sounded amazing and it was a high energy show with multiple encores. Lots of old songs mixed in with the new, a comfortable venue with great vantage points, and just plain fun to be at a punk show with old friends. I mean, it wasn’t a white boy rap show, but it was still a good time – just faster.

I can’t help but wonder if the not-insignificant amount of longing I am experiencing for the early days of our relationship aren’t caused by the current upheaval in my life, our upcoming Big Anniversary, and my wayward hormones. I recently went through 25 years of non-digital photos to weed out duplicates and things that should never have seen the light of day, so those early years are fresh in my mind. It’d be easy to say “life was simpler then”, but that’s absolutely not true: life was messy and confusing and complicated as fuck. I like the now much better.

I do not know what to do with all of these feels, so I will go back to packing boxes and suitcases. We leave for Ireland in 24 days!

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us in a few weeks

life hack

If you’re anything like me, you’re completely awesome. Also, you have an iPhone and use Apple’s Safari in Private Mode as your porn-only browser. This, plus the fact that every single link you open on your phone will open in Safari by default, means you may have hundreds of tabs open. This isn’t really a big deal – the tabs aren’t clogging up your phone tubes or anything – but I like having a clean browser (content browsed notwithstanding). Closing each tab is a pain in the ass, and simply leaving them open is not an option. Sure, you can jailbreak your phone to force the device to accept Chrome as your default browser, but jailbreaking isn’t for everyone. What do you do when you need to close all your Safari tabs in a hurry (say, when the afterglow has worn off and you need to hide the shame of getting off at lustyaccountants.com from even yourself)?

I stumbled upon a neat feature one regret-filled evening not too long ago. If you long-press the tab button in Safari, an option to close all tabs at once appears:

Tap and hold that button to remain in denial about your fetishes. You can even do it with one hand, which is helpful when mistakes are made. Sticky ones. Ones that seemed hot when you read about it on your coworker’s secret Tumblr, but really require a level of expertise you are sorely lacking. Or, you know, whatever.

Go forth, my lovelies, and pound yourselves furiously! You’ve earned it! Just remember to clean up when you’re done, including your browser history!

today only: free shattered dreams

I am never going to be a flight attendant, and I am devastated.

Let’s back up a second. I never actually wanted to be a flight attendant – the thought of having to be nice to everyone even when they’re being horrible is why I work from home, alone, in the dark, without pants – but because I’ve specifically been told that I cannot do it .. well, now all I want to do is be a flight attendant. But that will never happen. Because I am never going to be a flight attendant.

We were several hours into our flight to Japan when I needed to pee. I untangled myself from all my cables, shuffled past a sleeping Ed, and headed up to the bathroom. It was in use, so I leaned my tired self against a wall next to the galley to hide the fact that I was doing the pee-pee dance.

I was probably staring blankly at my phone wishing I had internet access when I heard a voice to my left: “ooh, is that London?”

One of the flight attendants was doing galley things, and struck up a conversation about my tattoos. I showed her the skyline tattoo and those of Sasha and Cheddar. She marveled at the work Darci did on my arms, then commented “you know, I just love your hair. And your dress! The whole thing! *gestures at my everything*”. Her voice dropped to a conspirational whisper at this point: “You’ll never be a flight attendant, though.”

I didn’t have time to think about what she just said, as the bathroom finally became vacant and my bladder insisted upon being dealt with. When I had finished, she was nowhere to be seen; undoubtedly disabusing some small child of the dream of being a firefighter or astronaut.

I returned to my seat to think about what she said. Sure, she was very complimentary about my everything, but at what cost? The hopes and dreams I didn’t even know I had? It was like peeking at a whole new world, only to have the door slam shut in my face before I could take it all in. What good is my fun hair, epic cleavage, ridiculous wardrobe, and awesome tattoos if I can’t be a thing I don’t want to be? None. None good.

This could have been me:

BST

picture the exact opposite of this in every way, and that’s me

but now instead this is me:

LMG

again, think in opposites

with a lot of this:

no

EVERYTHING IS SIMPLY TERRIBLE.

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a fantastically boring update

It’s frickin’ AUGUST. I am officially panicking about the move. I had planned to be half packed by now, with most of my belongings neatly stored in (labelled, documented) boxes and ready to go into storage. I have .. not done this. I half-heartedly packed some boxes this week, but it’s just stressing me out even more beccause I’ve barely made a dent in the sheer volume of STUFF in my office alone. Also, it’s hot. Sifting through the chaos of my life is sweaty business.

I really need to kickstart myself into gear. I am overwhelmed, but I know if I can just get into a groove it’ll be easy (and fun, because I’m weird like that). I think some deadlines will make things move faster: I’ve booked a junk truck to come haul away the things we can’t rehome, I’ve got some boxes ready to be packed, and an upcoming long weekend with no plans. I did pack up five boxes of stuff so I could deal with the furniture, but that’s just depressing: my Optimus Prime shelf is all packed away, and the death cubes in my office are almost empty. Still, it’s a start.

In other news, I finally got my trip to Seattle in. I had planned a weekend away so I could see the Kasuma Infinity Mirrors exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum, and the weekend went off without a hitch. We stayed in a hotel in downtown Seattle, did a lot of walking, ate some foods, and saw some art. The exhibit itself was really cool: I love Kasuma’s work, and the infinity rooms were super awesome. Some downsides, though: long, long lines and a very short amount of time in each room (like, 20-30 seconds each). This was by design and made sense given the sheer volume of people, but I wished for a less rigid experience: there were so many RULES. Every Art Guard in the place had a huge list of things you couldn’t do, from touching (obvious) to leaning against a blank wall while waiting in a long line (what). I was lucky to find a way to game the system, by being a loser with no friends: because I was by myself, the Art Guards would let me skip the lines and go to the front to join a smaller party in the room. I got into the light room multiple times this way.

The exhibit was cool and totally worth the membership I bought to the SAM, but it doesn’t really compare to the Kasuma exhibit we saw in Tokyo. For starters, it was about 8 times the size, had a lot more paintings and sculptures, and the infinity room was more of an infinity hallway that had no time limits (and is probably one of the coolest things I’ve seen, period). I feel ridiculously lucky that I got to see both exhibits within four months of each other.

We stayed in Hotel FIVE, which has a weird backstory. When we checked in, I had this overpowering dejavu thing going on. It bugged me all day, until I had a fleeting thought and chased it down. Many many years ago – like, in 1999 or 2000 – there was a LAN party at the old Speakeasy office in Belltown. It burned down in May of 2001, so LANsanity would have had to have been well before then. Ed and I flew to Vancouver, then drove down to attend the LAN with Heather and George – Heather was a clanmate in QGirlZ, and George and Ed were both fairly well-known Quake players. This LAN party was the first for a lot of things: the first time Ed saw Vancouver, his first time meeting people who would become life-long friends, the first time a half-naked Ed was dogpiled by three girls with body paint, etc. You know, typical LAN things. Anyway. The reason the hotel was so familiar was because we had stayed there before, during LANsanity. The hotel changed hands a bunch of times and had been updated all over, but the shape of the building had remained. The memory is a funny thing.

Also, if you’re ever in Seattle looking for some good eats, Max’s Cafe in Hotel FIVE has these incredible waffle sliders on the breakfast menu. SO GOOD and totally worth a visit.

Healthwise, things are getting better. There were more crossed wires, but eventually people realized I wasn’t on any medication outside the nightly insulin. That has since been remedied, and my blood seems to be improving: I went almost two straight weeks of green single digit numbers (until yesterday, when my blood was having a tantrum) and while I still have the occasional bout of uncooperative blood, I am within the normal range more often than not. This is good, but instead of getting sad when I have a bad day, I get angry. Fuck you, blood! I feed you salad and protein all the damn time! How dare you be full of sugars?!

I also went for an ultrasound for my heart in late June, and I haven’t heard anything from the doctor so I’m assuming this means my heart is totally awesome and all healed and stronger than ever. Who wants to test this with me?

We leave for Ireland in 43 days. It can’t come soon enough. I am wallowing in limbo for a number of reasons, and it’s stressing me out a lot so I could really use some epic views of an angry sea. Yes, I can see the ocean from here, but it’s not really angry – just sort of perpetually peeved, like when the coffee shop is out of agave nectar and you have to use honey like a commoner. That sort of thing.