everything is awful all the time

We moved to the middle of nowhere almost two years ago, but I’m still on the mailing list for our old neighbourhood because frankly I like seeing what is collectively up their butts this week. Any kind of change to the area, regardless of what it is, has been fought against. Social housing? Horrible. Craft beer store? God no. Dispensaries? THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Halfway house for troubled teens? No, not THOSE children! New rental buildings? Might attract the wrong kind of people! New condos? They’ll all own cars and want to park them! It’s a never-ending litany of creative complaining.

This week, they’re railing against a series of high-rises the city wants to build along Hastings, where all the run-down bridal stores currently are.

Actual complaint from a resident of the neighbourhood:

News tonight confirmed people living on busy streets have higher probability of major illnesses, Parkinson’s, cancer etc.

But city councillors of Vancouver want to build many towers all along Hastings, Broadway etc.

You can’t live there because they might get cancer. That’s a new one!

Oh, boomers. You’re so awful.


I’m microdosing my mother.

Wait, that sounds bad. I’m not microdosing her, I’m microdosing myself WITH her. Is that better?

Microdosing is taking small amounts of psychedelic drugs in the hopes of enhancing yourself without the full effect of the drug taking over. It’s claimed that this can “unlock” your brain, making you smarter or more creative or more able to concentrate. I have no real experience with this. My mother, crazy though she may be, is not a psychedelic drug, so it’s really nothing like microdosing whatsoever. I’m simply taking my mother in tiny doses. Just a little bit at a time. To build up immunity.

My mother is iocane powder.

I have a difficult time relating to my mother because she speaks in tangents and doesn’t understand a single aspect of my life outside of Ed and cats. We’re eerily similar in that aspect, although MY nonsensical rambling makes PERFECT sense and hers does not (shut up and let me have this).

To keep my sanity, I’ve been visiting my mother in quick bursts. I dropped in on Monday afternoon to deliver some things I brought over from the mainland. Last night, we went for dinner with her neighbour/friend, and tonight mom and I are going shopping. Small doses. I can do this. Just a tiny bit at a time.


you can’t go home again

but when you do, everything looks weird and gives you belly pangs. Also, construction. So much construction.

I’m in Victoria for the week, cat-sitting for Friend Sue. I’m staying at her place while I sit on her cat, which is win-win because the cat has someone to simultaneously distrust and beg for attention, and I can work from Sue’s living room because there is internet. Add in some ice cubes and running water, and I am fully self-sustaining. I’m also playing Good Daughter and getting some mom visits in while I’m here, so in between sitting on Sue’s cat while she alternates between purring and hissing at me, I am being a productive January monkey.

Coming home to Victoria always gives me such weird feelings. There are so many memories attached to this place, and the overall bittersweet sense of longing clashes heavily with my free-wheeling “family is for suckers” nature. It makes me all thinky and introspective and tired (although that might just be the geriatric air quality here). I keep wanting to come to Victoria and have a Good Time complete with laughing and cupcakes and maybe some sparklers, but it never seems to turn out like that – I mostly just get sad, with an impending sense of duty. I’ve never quite figured out why that is, as no one really expects anything of me. Am I expecting it of myself? That I’ll suddenly wake up one morning and look forward to spending an extended period of time with my mother without turning into a petulant 14-year-old? One of these days I will surely become an adult about this, right?

It’s not going to happen this trip, though.

If you’ll excuse me, I have a cat to sit on.

i hope you had the decade of your life

Lots of memes going around about this decade ending in X days, asking what you’ve done in that time. Ten years is a solid chunk of your life, and this decade saw me go from my 30s to my 40s in several million blinks of an eye. I stopped blogging daily somewhere in the middle of the decade, so large parts of my life have not been dutifully documented for prosperity’s sake – this will inevitably come back to bite me in the ass when I am super old(er) and someone says “hey, what did you do on August 15th in 2017?” and I don’t know because the only thing I have to go off of is an Instagram post of a picture of 10-year-old Kimli holding a pigeon. That is not helpful. Why did I stop blogging? This is terrible.

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don’t call it a comeback

I am supposed to be in Nara, feeding tame deer and watching a fierce mochi pounding. Here are some thoughts I am having as I am not doing those things:

  • It’s nice outside
  • I really hate scooting Highway 99
  • I need gloves
  • I have gloves!
  • I sure wish I hadn’t dropped that glove
  • I need gloves on a string
  • Arby’s
  • My right hand is fucking freezing

I went for a scooter ride while Ed is having quality time with one of his Mikes. He has a lot of them.

Okay, roast beef sandwich time.

more waffles than waffle house

I have had more metaphorical waffles in the last three days than I’ve ever had in my life. Here are some of the things I am waffling between like it’s a goddamn sport:

  • I’m totally fine with being at home!
  • No wait, I am filled with angst and sadness!
  • Let’s go to Vegas for a few days to keep ourselves entertained!
  • Vegas is not Japan and I don’t gamble or drink so wtf why Vegas!
  • We can rebook the trip for next month!
  • It’ll be a rushed, truncated version of our original trip and that will not be as satisfying!
  • New York?
  • New York!
  • But I would have had New York ANYWAY, so I’m still missing out!
  • Did we make the right decision in cancelling?
  • Everyone else is going ahead with their Japan plans!
  • The pictures of all the flooding look awful, and a lot of infrastructure is still shut down
  • But I am so miserable being at home!

.. and so on, and so forth. No new developments on the Refund Saga, but a thousand piecemeal suggestions have come and gone in the last three days. I keep changing my mind. Yesterday, I wanted to go to Vegas. Later that evening, Operation New York was a go. This morning, I wanted to make late November work for a shorter Japan trip. After doing the dishes, I decided on requesting a compromise for travel in 2020. I’d like to say my last (excellent) suggestion is the best one and will definitely be what we do going forward, but I’d said that at least half a dozen times in the last 72 hours. I no longer know what the fuck, because the fuck keeps changing. I am a soggy, gluten-free waffle made out of quinoa and squash. I am a poor approximation of food.

We do have plans to go to New York in early November. It was going to be a working trip – fly in, work during the day, then explore at night like Tourist Batman. One suggestion I had early on was to instead take time off while we’re in NY, making it a real trip instead of one where we work out of someone else’s house for a few days so we don’t use up vacation time. This is actually a really good idea, and one we’re probably going to go ahead with. New York is a fun city, we’d get to have some daytime adventures and food, and it’s ultimately less time off work than Japan would have been (I don’t have paid vacation, so everything I do is carefully balanced with “how much is this going to cost me”). Win win, right?

Mostly, yes. I’m still a little angsty, because I would have had New York (albeit on a lesser scale) ANYWAY, so I’m still out the whole of a vacation to Japan. I thought on this a little bit while jamming forks into the dishwasher, and realized I could maybe use the situation to my advantage. See, our trip to Japan was to have been 10 days. This never really sat right with me, because it seems like a really long way to go for less than 2 weeks, but Ed uncharacteristically put his foot down and insisted we take a slightly shorter trip than I like. I agreed at the time, because let’s face it, Japan was international trip #4 of 6 in 2019 alone so sure, I could give up a few days. I want a longer trip though, so I suggested another compromise on top of the other 50 compromises we’ve both made over the weekend: I will stop attempting to cram a do-over Japan trip into our rapidly dwindling 2019 and be satisfied with upgrading New York from Working Trip to Actual Vacation, in exchange for a minimum of two full weeks in Japan in 2020.

This was agreed to. We hugged on it. It’s the plan at the moment and I like it, but it will probably change 7 more times before we get anything resolved with the airline regarding our unused tickets for last week.

I am so good at compromise, you guys!

I’ve been slowly unpacking my suitcase, and it is very sad times. I’ve been hitting the pumpkin pie a little harder than usual to help me get through it. Thank god for whipped cream.

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taking lsd before crossing the brooklyn bridge: check