pot review: dutch crunch

Today’s pot is a fancy times: Dutch Crunch, a hybrid of Dutch Treat and Jack Herer. I got my tax return, so I splurged* and treated myself to some small batch AAAA oak barrel triple aged stuff cultivated by dudes with long beards and $200 fades. They wear starched aprons over khakis and button-downs with the sleeves rolled up to show off the ink. If this was beer, it’d come in growlers served at a splintery plank counter and some kind of gimmick like they’re technically not allowed to sell beer so instead they sell $20 banana muffins that each come with a free bottle of brew. Everything is plaid.

Anyway, the weed. It is actually very super awesome. Dutch Crunch might be my new favourite by a lot. It came in a fancy vacuum-sealed tin with a pull tab, like top shelf cat food. It smells insanely green – I would wear it as perfume or eat it as a salad. Those are complimentary things, right? I don’t think I know how to praise a plant.

Stunned amazement brought on by the weed aside, I’m not entirely surprised that I like this strain so much. Before I took over management of the household vices, Ed had once ordered some Dutch Hawaiian that I enjoyed until it was all gone. I’d been on the lookout for something similar when I came across Dutch Crunch, so I ordered it on a hunch that all things starting with “Dutch” would be similar. I could tell because they have the same name, you see. I am very deductive.

Incidentally, if you find yourself a strain that you really enjoy, I recommend getting an ample amount. I have yet to be able to restock a specific strain once it’s all gone, which leads to a lot of rueing on my part. Unless you have time to rue, order more. You’ll thank yourself later.

I keep getting distracted for some reason .. . Back to the weed. The high is very visual – these are many words and they are not coming easy**. It’s a much different high when I’m Obnoxious Word Kimli because I don’t even really have to do anything my fingers just make nonsense go. In this case, I can visualize what I’m trying to describe, but the words are super stilted and I’ve rewritten parts several times. Still fun, tho. I’m on our balcony, listening to the creek and some horny birds. It’s really very quite nice.***

*: In this instance, “splurge” meant $150CDN for half an ounce/14 grams which is an astonishing amount of weed.

**: The words were not coming easy when this was originally written on Facebook, several weeks ago. They are much easier at the moment. Sorry.

***: It was very nice!

Remind me to tell you about Crunch Cakes, okay?

pot reviews: drugs to chop to

Two small reviews today! The first strain is an AAA indica called Sugar Black Rose, 100% picked because of the name that evokes early 90s boudoir decor. It’s a cross of Critical Mass and Black Domina, both of which are somewhat uninteresting names. Yes, the name of the strain plays heavily into my reviews. It’s important.

Unfortunately, even though I had high hopes for this strain based on the name alone, I didn’t enjoy it very much. It didn’t seem to do much other than increase my headache, which is far from the reported effects of “body high, relaxed, uplifted”. This strain does have really good reviews (to be fair, weed enthusiasts seem to be really positive about EVERYTHING), so I’ll definitely give it another try but at the moment it’s not at the top of my significant list of pot drug flower times.

The next strain I tried was Purple Bubba, another AAA indica strain. This one I liked significantly better than SBR – I didn’t necessarily find it “calming, uplifted, happy” but it did put me in a nice mellow “let’s do fiddly stuff” mood, which served really well for the chopped-ingredient-heavy dinner I was preparing. Some Purple Bubba, a hat that plays music, and the kitchen: what could go wrong? Not much, actually. I zoned out with some tunes, chopped a whole bunch of vegetables, and had a pretty enjoyable time. Nothing I’d write home about (because my mother doesn’t have email), but nice enough that if I had to do a somewhat annoying set of chores, I’d light this up then go to chore town.

I’m officially at the “take artsy photos” stage of my new hobby, so I was pleased to discover that Purple Bubba is in fact purple as advertised:

the wiggly things are the fun part

It’s not immediately obvious in bud form, but once it was ground and inspected with a handheld Bluetooth microscope (that is a thing and naturally I have one), I could clearly see the pretty purple leaves in with all the green. Science! It’s also for drugs!

It’s not my intent to only review indica strains, but that’s what I have a lot of on hand at the moment. I also have a vast Cavern of Edibles to talk about, and I have not yet shared what has become my gold standard for pot (because I am too busy enjoying it to stop and write about it). Soon, though.

Happy almost Spring!

pot review: Sky Cake

(originally posted on Facebook on 02/23/21 then expanded on coz I like words)

Today’s strain is Sky Cake*, an indica-heavy AAAA hybrid cross between Rocky Mountain Blueberry Kush and LSD (who names these things?). While I’m not necessarily a big fan of the “Cake” strain – I’ve had it before in Papaya Cake which I bought solely for infusions – I purchased a Flower Sample Pack from my favourite online vendor and this was in there. I decided to try it because it’s labeled as “Energizing, Uplifted, Soothing, Uplifted” so clearly it’s double the uplift, double the fun. Ultimately, I chose it for the “Energizing” – I knew I should really do some housework I’d been putting off, but I didn’t wanna. So, I did a drugs.

Half an hour after my smoke session, I found myself in the kitchen doing a complete inventory of our freezers and pantry. I even organized things by meal type, prep stage, main use, and frequency used. It made the chore fun (to be fair, I really love making lists so honestly I would have found it fun sober, IF I could have gotten enough gumption to actually get started), and with dancing music and an ample supply of Diet Coke, it made for a surprisingly enjoyable Sunday afternoon of drudgery.

I received a decent amount of Sky Cake in my order, so I set some aside for the next Thing I Should Do but I Don’t Wanna: organizing my closet space.

*: I’ll try to always link a strain to the corresponding Leafly page, but I can’t find Sky Cake on there. Different vendors often name the same strains different things, so Sky Cake could be known as literally anything else. This particular strain was made in-house, so the only information I could find came from the vendor’s website:

With its large, tightly-wound nugs, this popular hybrid cultivar features an expert trim, ample trichome coverage, and a mottled green palette with rusty orange pistils.

I don’t like those words. I mean, I’m a huge fan of words and especially of too many words, but that description does not make it sound at all appetizing. I guess that’s why I’m doing my own reviews, though. I can guarantee that I will never describe something as having “ample trichome coverage”, “expert trim” sounds like I’ve just gotten my pubic hair styled, and I only ever use “nugs” ironically. Hope that works for you.

pot reviews

It’s no secret that I’ve been coping with this apocalyptic insolation with weed, but I’ve always felt this little goblin in the back of my head pointing a goblin finger and shaking goblin head with great goblin disapproval at me. I know weed is legal. I pay taxes out the ass because of this (which I am not complaining about; I appreciate not having to worry and wonder if my weed has been doctored in any way). There’s just this overwhelming amount of self-stigma I feel whenever I talk about pot, which is awkward because like every other thing in my life, when I get into something I get REALLY into something and I want to share everything I’ve discovered along the way. I’ve been warring with this for months, but finally – today – I realized that this is stupid, and I NEED to use my words to feel connected to .. anything. Right now, that connection is to weed. I’m officially swallowing (heh) that little goblin, and will be posting my various weedy ramblings on this perfectly good blog I have, instead of on various social media accounts. I know the subject isn’t for everyone, but right now, it’s for me and I’ve missed my words more than I realized.

I’ve missed you, me. And I’ve missed this space. Delicious Juice Dot Com turns 20 on March 30th, and it deserves more love than I’ve been giving it lately. That changes today!

I’ll post the reviews (both mid and post-high; the mid-high reviews will generally be goofy because hi it’s me) here under the category DRUGS (why be subtle). I will link out to products when I can, but I’m not getting anything from vendors for reviews – my blog will remain as minimally beneficial to me as possible, as always. I may not much, but I have my integrity.

Integrity, a staggering amount of marijuana, and this amazing rack.

It’s good to be me.

ignore the filthy table plz