Ed, while tolerate of my website in that he rarely asks me for details on my day’s events anymore because he knows I will just stare at him and point to the internet, sometimes complains that I never write about him unless I am angry and wanting the world to know how much he is not going to get into my divine woman flower any time soon. He does have a point – it’s easier to complain when things are not going well than it is to be textually chipper when things are just hunky-dory, which is the norm. So, in the spirit of soothing the savage ego, here is a list of Reasons Why I Like Ed:

• He is awfully nice to me even when I don’t really deserve it
• He usually smells good
• He brings me Diet Coke refills whenever I ask, sometimes even when I don’t ask
• He makes me laugh
• When I pull his finger he makes farting noises which the four year old in me finds absolutely fucking hilarious
• When I pull his finger he doesn’t *actually* fart, which would completely horrify me
• He doesn’t watch me pee (long story, honest)
• He seems tentatively open to our getting a pug
• Two words: giant man-root
• Knows and accepts that his wife is a complete gadget whore who frequently falls asleep surrounded by not one but four completely essential and necessary wireless getting-to-the-internet devices
• Gives excellent hugs
• Doesn’t seem to mind when I spend entire car trips making up songs about the things I see out the window
• Made me chicken noodle soup last night to combat my Norwalk sarspox
• Is generally an all-round cool dude

Awww. Don’t you want to just throw up in your mouth a little? I know I do every time I read mushy gushy love crap about significant others. So, in honour of cleaning out my mouth a little AND making sure the above praise doesn’t go to Ed’s head, here is a list of Things About Ed That Are Currently Driving Me Bat-Shit INSANE:

• WHERE THE HELL IS MY DRY CLEANING
• WHY THE HELL WON’T YOU GET YOUR GODDAMN PASSPORT – I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO INVITE PERFECT STRANGERS TO ACCOMPANY ME ON OUR BIG ANNIVERSARY SINCE YOU WON’T BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND HEY WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND A WEEK IN HAWAII WITH BALKI AND COUSIN LARRY

I feel better now.