Daily Archives: October 2, 2007

for sale: one (1) video game manual writer

Posted in nerd by

Lmpe ejsy O esmy yp fp? Know what I want to do? Other than learn how to type and the true meaning behind “home row”, that is?

I want to write video game manuals.

I got a chance yesterday to wax poetic about what I want to be when I grow up, and the answer just sort of came to me like a blinding flash of the obvious: I want to write game manuals. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I like to write and occasionally I have been known to play video games. It would make a whole hell of a lot of sense if I could put the two together and somehow still be able to pay rent each month. Whenever I am looking for a job (which seems to happen with startling frequency – good thing I own my own life preserver), I’m inevitably asked “Why don’t you write for a living?” While it’s supremely flattering to think that someone likes my finger words enough to believe that others would pay for the privilege of reading them, I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea where to begin, what to write about, or how to truly form a coherent sentence without abusing my most excellent friend, the dash.

I’ve bandied the idea of game reviews around too, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I’m extremely particular about the games I play (she says, looking at her bookshelf full of DS titles that are rarely touched except when it’s time to trade them in for more), and I don’t think I could do games I hate justice. While I could easily try to submit reviews for the games I do play and enjoy, I really don’t see me making a living at it. How many times can someone read “this game is okay, but it’s no Katamari Damacy” before they just give up? I’m thinking not very many.

I don’t think turning your favourite thing ever into a job is always that smart. You do things as a hobby to relax and get away from the real world, and I’ve seen first hand what happens when worlds collide – things get less fun, and as a being who is solely, 100% completely and utterly all about the fun, I don’t think turning my happy times into a daily grind is a good idea. That’s where game manuals come in. See, I very rarely consult a game manual when I dive into a new title. However, that doesn’t mean they’re not important – most people are not like me and tend to not think they know everything about all games ever, and will actually read or consult the manual before they start to play. Other people are like Ed, and will disgustingly and horribly read game manuals while on the toilet. Game manuals get read. They are important and occasionally awesome. I want to write them for a living – it’s combining two of the five passions in my life (the other three being Diet Coke, scooters, and bugging Ed for a pug) without encroaching on any of my hobbies. It makes perfect sense. I would be an incredible game manual writer. I’m detailed, amusing, anal retentive, and an excellent documentationist. I have a broad background (shut up) in video games, not just as a player but as someone who works in the industry sort of. I am cute and bubbly, and according to the lovely receptionist who ushered me into my meeting yesterday, have both a beautiful smile and first name – very important things in the world of video game manual writing. So, I’m all set.

All I need to do now is find a company looking for a video game manual writer. Naturally, I don’t have any idea how to do this. Short of parking myself on the doorstep of the many game companies in Vancouver and begging them for my dream job, I am at a loss for how to begin. This is what I want to do. How do I get there? Help!

25 years ago you really pissed me off

Posted in everyday kimli, i'm an astronaut by

Confidential to the woman who wouldn’t lend me a ladder as an 8-year old, saying “No dear, because I’m pregnant – there’s a baby in my belly”: My question was “do you have a ladder I could borrow because I’m locked out of my house”, not “would you like to ride bikes with me and try this wine I found”. Also, I was 8 and not 4 – I knew damn well you were pregnant, and what that meant. I needed a LADDER, not a retelling of Waiting for Baby. You suck.

This old memory resurfaced last night as I was trying to fall asleep, and I felt it really needed to be addressed. My indignation at being talked down to was almost as fresh as it was the day I left my keys in my other jacket and couldn’t get into the house after school; proof that I hold onto my grudges for WAY too long. I did eventually get into the house though, without a ladder – all it took was a screwdriver to pry the screen off the window to the den, and I crawled on through. I really fucked up the window, though. My dad wasn’t very impressed with that, even after I had tried to fix my damage with a hammer. I had to PEE! What else was I supposed to do, wait the 2+ hours until someone came home to rescue me? I loved being a latchkey kid, though. I got into so much trouble my parents never found out about in the few hours I was left to my own devices each day.

Crap and hell – I’m checking up on my references, and I can’t find one of them. Space Boss Charlie, my boss from the original Space Station, appears to be missing. Space Boss Charlie was awesome to work for and he promised to give me a super duper reference, which I still need. Even the internet is failing me on this one. This is why everyone should have an overly detailed blog, people. How am I supposed to go all Private Eye on your asses if you don’t make it easy for me?

I am waiting for UPS. They apparently have a package for me that I owe $6.78 on, and I don’t know what it is. I love presents, even if I more than likely bought it for myself. The mailman is here too, but he went next door first. I am sure he has goodies for me because I’ve gone on another online shopping spree to cheer myself up. Also, I just love getting things in the mail like the fancy rainbow styli below.

This life of leisure thing sure is boring.