I’m not sure what’s more disturbing: the disappointment I felt when my blood results didn’t show a surprise pregnancy, or the true reason WHY I was disappointed when my blood results didn’t show a surprise pregnancy: it would have made for some truly excellent long-winded conspiracy theory update topics.

The doctor says I’m super, which sucks – I want a reason for feeling so crappy. My iron is in fact a little low, but not enough to require that I go on iron pills especially since she warned me 9 times that iron pills make you not poop (which frankly is not a big deal given that I do not poop anyway). She gave me a big list of foods that are rich in iron such as beans and nuts and liver, then rather off-handedly mentioned that a census taker just happens to live down the street and that Safeway has a sale this week on fava beans and a nice Chianti. I’m not so much into the cannibalism as I’d have you believe, so tonight we’re having a Steak and Molding Clay Extravaganza because steak has tons of iron in it and molding clay is just plain awesome.

So, stuff is fine. I’m not dying of werewolf herpes, my withdrawal symptoms should go away in 4-6 weeks (um, what), and I’m feeling much better than I was two days ago.

However, none of this means a goddamn thing because Sasha is sick.

She did another marathon puke today, one I was thankfully not awake for. I called the vet, and we’re going in at 12:30 to find out what’s wrong. I am not good at this. I can’t imagine something being even mildly wrong with Sasha without bursting into tears – if something is seriously wrong, I’m going to need to be taken away by the men in white coats and locked up until I can stop sobbing hysterically. It does not help that Sasha is officially 13 now and that is very old; the likelihood of something being wrong with her is increasing daily. I am scared for her (and for myself because I will completely lose my shit if she dies) and oh, this sucks so much.

Could you please transfer any good thoughts you may have been thinking towards me for my ongoing mental health to Sasha? I’m much more robust than she is, and I throw up a lot less.