If you’re fortunate to live near a Cobs Bread, go try their new scones. I’ve never had a tastier handheld breakfast, and the cinnamon one is particularly delightful. Don’t let the terrifying thumbs up man scare you away – they are fantastic.

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating – I HATE it when online news stories are video only. I like to READ my news, not have it spoon-fed to me. I am mildly curious – in passing only, of course – at how a parrot managed to save a 2-year-old from choking (I imagine it has something to do with the parrot flying down the child’s throat and retrieving the obstruction), but I will never know because I can’t read the article. Is this great internet of ours creating a generation of idiots who have to have everything read out loud before comprehension sets in? Are we really headed for a future where libraries are an anachronism of the past? What if the parrot story was destined to change my life? Shit. Maybe I should watch the video despite my protests.

Today is a Big Day for my private parts – Validation Day! Not only do I get to show her that look, something is not right down there and let’s talk about fixing it already, but I get to introduce my shiny new theory: KELOID! Hooray! I have a sneaking suspicion that my last cyst did indeed rupture, but instead of going quietly into the night, decided to scar over and be all lumpy and itchy. Let’s see her try to say THIS is all in my imagination! Take that, doctor!

Stupid vagina.