What the hell is Twilight, and why is everybody so excited about it? Every company I’ve ever purchased from online is suddenly sending me spam about Twilight tie-ins, and I have no idea what it is. What is this Twilight thing? Should I be excited or concerned about it? Do I need to know who Belle and Edward are? They sound like jerks. Are they jerks?

I have a headache. It might be related to Twilight.