Dear Kimli,

As a member of our PetCare Family we are privileged to have the opportunity to provide peace of mind for you and Sasha. You can rest assured that Sasha is protected from the high costs associated with unexpected and unforeseen medical treatments.

Blah blah blah we’re raising your rates blah bliggity blah

We look forward to continuing to enhance your special relationship with Sasha.

…

Oh, so many responses:

• FUCK. YOU.
• Peace of mind for me and my dead cat? Where do I sign?
• I am interested in hearing how you plan to enhance the special relationship I have with the URN OF ASHES I have on my desk, and I would like to subscribe to your publication.
• FUCK. YOU.
• I’m eligible to enjoy a further 5% discount through your Microchip Registration Program? Excellent! I will endeavor to solder a chip to the dust and bone fragments, all that remain of my best friend ever, immediately so that we are adequately covered in case of unforeseen medical expenses.
• FUCK YOU SO HARD

As you might be able to tell, I didn’t take the letter very well. There were tears. There may have been rage and Hulk Smashing. I’m pretty sure I swore loud enough to be heard in West Van. I was not a happy girl.

We’re dealing with it this morning, because in addition to the 2 months of insurance they’ve taken from my account, we’re supposed to get $100 to offset the cost of death. They owe ME money, not the other way around. Also, they suck. The vet says they’ve sent in the paperwork twice, but the insurance company says they never received it – so I’m sending it in myself. There WILL be justice for Sasha, or I will seriously cut a bitch and enjoy every second of it.

Fuckers.