Hey, Kimli!

One of these people just gave you high marks on QuickMatch. Congratulations! Was it:

• The adorable but awkwardly young punk girl with the pigtails?
• The guy with the snake around his neck?
• The guy with the profile picture that looks as though it was taken to announce his appointment as Activity Planner at Golden Acres Retirement Home?
• The appealingly scruffy hipster?
• The baby-faced bi guy that I not-so-secretly fantasize into dirty, dirty scenarios?
• The girl with too-big glasses and too-short pants?
• The balding, bearded kinky polyamorous fat guy in glasses and a wizard robe?

If you guessed the last one (or “Pagan Sex Dragon” as he prefers to be called), then you are bang on the money! Do you want to become his third high priestess concubine? Click here to continue!

I didn’t join OKCupid to find sex partners, but it’s a little disheartening to discover the only people at all attracted to you are the creepy intense guys you stayed away from at Circle or Fetish Night because they keep offering massages and telling you how great you’d look cuffed to the bed in the danger room. I have nothing against pagans or kinky good times or polyamory or beards or group sex or men old enough to be my father – but I don’t want to have sex with them. I admit, it stings the ego a little; only being attractive to people that kind of frighten me – but then again, everyone frightens me. I’m also oblivious to everything anyway; someone would have to jam their tongue down my throat before I noticed an attraction and even then I’d think they were kidding. And in the end, none of this matters anyway.

I’m just a little cranky, it seems. Things are fine but boring, and I hate boring. I need some excitement; something to look forward to. I need to stop having a boring tuna. I want to be happy and feel pretty and wear sequins, all at the same time. That isn’t unreasonable, I think.

Today I got a sequined vest and purple-striped tights in the mail. I’m fairly certain I need to wear these things together, and soon.

I’m working from home – they’re testing the fire alarms in the building, and at some point someone is going to come into my suite and do something. The alarms have been going off near non-stop since 8am, and I’m done with the noise – they WORK, okay. Cut it out. It is shrill and interrupting my excellent conversation with Gillian via MSN about genitals and the names of people we lost our virginities to. Oh, and also work. It’s hard to plan CRM Week when the poor cats are Freaking Out about the noise.