i gave a speech (that wasn’t about the merkin)

Once upon a time I was feeling brave. I try not to feel brave very often, because when I do, the crazy little ideas I keep buried in the back of my head solidify and turn into crazy big plans that take on a life of their own.

On a whim, I submitted an abstract for something I had been thinking about for a while – namely, my fear of other people and how I’m slowly learning to gracefully dance around my issues by stomping the ever-living fuck out of them. Just like I (eventually) grew tired of being crazy, I grew tired of waiting around for life to be interesting so I went and Did Something about it.

That something appears to have culminated in giving a presentation to a shockingly full room of people, most of whom I did not know. Outside of work, it was the first public speech I’ve had to give that involved actual preparation – casting doesn’t count because there’s no prep work and I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone (because then I’d miss the action I was supposed to be calling). It was terrifying. I felt very small and very silly all at once, and I don’t remember half of what I said.  I know I repeated myself several times and lost my place more than once, and most of my advice can be boiled down to “don’t be an asshole”. I ended my presentation with presents for the audience so they’d forget how many times I fucked up or stumbled over my words or just plain made no sense – don’t forget, I submitted the abstract thinking there was no way in hell it would actually be accepted so imagine my surprise and terror when I started hearing that people were actually INTERESTED in the topic – and instead concentrate on the awesome things my talented friends provided. I’m afraid of people, but I can be cunning when the situation calls for it (or when there is spy music playing in the background).

But .. I did it. I planned, built and delivered a presentation on overcoming the very thing that tries to keep me in the corner of the room trying desperately to sink into the floor. Not only that, but I think I may have pulled it off – people were saying some ridiculously nice things about my session on Twitter and to me afterward. Some of it was about the presents – let’s face it, the swag bags were *awesome* – but I think I got my message across. I don’t actually remember what that message is – it’s been a very long and overwhelming day – but I think I might have done good.

I think I might be proud of myself. What a weird feeling.

let your backbone slide(s)

Overcoming Social Anxiety – Kimli

This is the slide only version – video coming later, if it doesn’t make me and to crawl into a hole and die.

Um, and maybe the first version which basically didn’t need me to talk at all because all my content was on the screen.

live blogging, kinda

I’m at Northern Voice, currently sitting through the keynote presentation (I think). We’re in a different building this year, and the main room is an atrium – I can’t actually understand anything being said because of the echo. I will assume the speech is very inspiring and motivational, but I can’t say for certain.

I will be popping in and out all day, as I don’t really have a game plan for the conference with the exception of my presentation at 2:45. I am petrified and trying not to think about it, but people seem to be rooting for me. That is good, and also heh heh “root”.

There is a large chicken here. I am hoping the Hootsuite Owl makes an appearance, and the two of them fight.

Doing my part to keep the conference classy:

the outfit didn't pass inspection, so it's clearly perfect

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