We bought the Mazdabator just before the mp3 craze truly took off, which means our car is pretty much the only one on the road that doesn’t have an auxiliary port to plug in an iPod. We’re limited to CDs and the radio, and that sucks – it’s what I imagine life was like before the Industrial Revolution, complete with cholera and Typhoid Mary’s deadly peach melba reducing life expectancies everywhere.

To get around only being able to listen to 20 songs at once instead of several thousand, we use an FM transmitter. It used to be an excellent workaround, until technology took another leap forward – now I’m experiencing a wide variety of increasingly ass-marbling problems that have me wanting to sell the car and get a new one, all because I hate the radio.

Yes, I’m aware of how utterly ridiculous and first world that sounds. I kind of hate myself for it, but only until I get into the car again and oh look it’s the 1700s and I need doctor orgasms to cure my hysterics. I’m tired of the static, clunkiness of the transmitter, and other people: if I drive by anyone using any kind of device on the same frequency, it bleeds over and plays through my radio instead of my own music. It happens way more often than it used to, and is getting worse – this morning I was stopped at a traffic light when someone in a car near me unintentionally forced their music on my ears. This would be annoying enough – I was really into whatever the hell I was listening t0 – but the final insult to injury was the song that bled in.

Mother FUCKER.

Ed, we need a new car.

what up, jerk cat