I’ve started this paragraph eight times.

I really wanted to review video games today – March brought a large number of new games to our house for a myriad of different consoles, and I have extremely important thoughts about them all that you are obviously on-the-edge-of-your-seat dying to read. I had solid intentions of reviewing some of these games today; in part because I have nothing else to say but also because I have valid opinions damnit and people ask my advice on video games all the time so why not share my thoughts with a captive audience.

However, it’s exceedingly difficult to form coherent thoughts about anything at all when you’re still stoned off the Benedryl you took before bed last night to try and clear up some of the wicked-sick allergies that have been plaguing your every waking second. I’m in a serious fog today, to the point where I was questioning my ability to drive into work this morning (nothing spoke to me on my way out of the house so I figured I was okay). Also, I’ve spelled my name wrong over the phone – forgotten how to log in to an application I use every single day – gave a client completely wrong instructions on how to do something extremely easy – and was at the counter at 7-11 handing over my money before I realized that I was about to buy salt and vinegar chips (I *hate* salt and vinegar chips). I am Not Right in the Head today. I am a danger to myself and others. Do not operate heavy machinery near me; I’m likely to fall inside of it and be ground to a pulp.

Here’s a word to the wise from me to you – taking Benedryl before bed but after you’ve done your weekly eyebrow grooming is NOT a good idea. I had nightmares. Nightmares about eyebrows. In my dreamed I over-groomed my brows and when I looked in the mirror I had removed then completely except for a thick bushy single-brow right between my eyes. It was scary! I had a Hitler moustache unibrow :(. No more plucking before bedtime for me.

Duuuuuuude. My hands are sooooo smalllllll.