shaking a fist at gravity

The ONE TIME I could really USE some disposable underwear for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with menstruation or leftover semen, do you think I can find any? NO. I am beyond upset.

I am wearing a skirt today, and since it’s a light colour, I thought that perhaps wearing my usual goth panties might be a bad idea. I fished around in my underwear drawer and came up with a pair of plain white undies that had been shoved in the back. Excellent, I thought. These will go very nicely under my skirt and then everything will be super.

Well, things are not super. They’re not super at ALL. It didn’t dawn on me until after I had spent a good four minutes fiddling around under my skirt trying to hike up my wayward panties that perhaps there was an excellent reason this pair was hidden in the back of my drawer – namely, they are THE WORST UNDERWEAR KNOWN TO MAN. I can’t take three steps without having them fall down – I had to walk three blocks with my underwear bunched under my ass, my legs clenched tight lest they shimmy down to my ankles. Gravity has it in for me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I went to the drugs store looking for disposable panties so I could replace the cotton horror lurking under my skirt, but they were nowhere to be found. I am pretty much trapped in my work chair until I can go home – I’m deathly afraid of accidentally exposing my shame to all of Yuppie Town (where they frown on that sort of thing).

Oh, my angst!

I am not wholly convinced our new intern is not an axe murderer.

7 thoughts on “shaking a fist at gravity”

Well, you could throw them away and find some newspaper instead??

Can you safety pin them? I always carry some for that kind of emergency, because I am my own grandmother. Or, barring that, some kind of twist tie and duct-tape construction? I frequently have to MacGyver my life, and I know the underwear problem only too well.

Well damn, if the two “issues” mentioned are not the problem, can’t you just go commando?

dang bad underwear sucks! i too have been in that situation and have found in such situations that a well-placed staple or 2 works quite well! :)

The skirt I’m wearing is medium length – about to my knees – but it’s REALLY loose and billowy; I feel mostly naked when I’m wearing it. If I took the underwear off (and believe me, I’ve thought about it) I would be in near-constant paranoia that my skirt hem was flying up around hip-level, exposing my rear to the world. I’m scared enough when walking in this skirt WITH underwear on; when I was in my lower all-together I think I’d be in full on panic mode!

I’d have to pretty much staple the underwear all around the skirt; the material is such that if one side was anchored, the other would fall. This underwear is going in the garbage the INSTANT I get home!