Oh, strange lady in the 7-11! All I want is ice, Diet Coke and my Chupa-Chup (with surprise!) – why are you telling me the following things:

• You hate not being allowed to smoke wherever you want
• You’re not hurting anyone
• Instead of punishing you, why don’t they go after the 15-year-old girl who taught you to smoke when you were 12
• She was really cool and you wanted to be just like her
• Britney Spears just wanted someone to inseminate her and give her babies, so now she’s done with K-Fed and they’re both better off
• Britney was a government experiment made in a lab somewhere, because her sister looks exactly like her
• You forgot to get gum

I am so glad I was in line ahead of her and therefore able to escape to the safety of the space station before she told me more things I did not want to know.

My surprise, by the way, is a humping turtle pencil topper. It is bizarre, and really actually fits in with the entire trip to 7-11.