This is rapidly losing the hilarity factor.
I am hurt. How? I don’t know. What did I do? Nothing. However, I have an unbelievable sharp pain in my left side, right under my ample bosom. It hurts when I breathe; it hurts when I don’t breathe, and moving? Yeah, that makes me swear a lot and wince and cry out and generally move around much like I figure an old person does when all their bones and organs start failing.
Since I am excellent at self-diagnosis, it’s been narrowed down to two things: a broken rib, or spontaneous pneumothorax. Naturally, I am hoping for the latter because it sounds totally wikked.
Even though I spent most of the month of April lying on the ground after falling down, I don’t think I did anything that would break a rib – and certainly not anything that would cause a delayed reaction rib breaking. It frankly feels like someone is stabbing me with a large dirty knife and twisting it around to see what would happen and I do not like it one bit.
So, back to the spontaneous pneumothorax. The internet tells me I likely have a wikked case of pleurisy, which to my surprise is not a pokeman. Pleurisy can be caused by a number of things, each more excellent than the last:
- a viral infection
- pneumonia
- air leaking into my pleural hole
- broken ribs
- tuberculosis aka teh consumption
- arthritis
- lupus
- sickle cell crisis: the latest offering from Tom Clancy
- pulmonary embolism
- pancreatitis (most commonly caused by excessive use of alcohol – I DID have a quarter bottle of raspberry cider last night)
Every single one of these says in large letters GET THEE UNTO THE HOSPITAL. So, that’s what I’m doing. I was unbelievably sheepish when I called my coworker – the poor girl, I’ve left her to fend for herself so many times because of my utterly fantastic injuries that I’m sure she hates me – and now I’m going to pile myself onto Sally and scoot to the doctor’s office where I will get to wait for a very long time before they tell me I have seven tumors and three pulmonary embolisms, which apparently can cause death. If I don’t check in later today, I’m dead from my mystery rib pain. Lisa can have all my smut, and Shan gets all my Converse.
Fucking ow :( :( :( :( :(
delicious juice dot com 
OMG, *smut*?! I mean, are you ok?! This is SO WEIRD. My kid (age 15 now!!!) called to come home early the other day, complaining of painz when he breathed or moved his arm. I was all WebMDninja to confirm my suspicions – it COULD BE pneumonia! Or pleurisy! Gasp! Didn’t Jim Henson DIE from some form of pneumonia, though he didn’t feel bad until it was too late? (I’ve not checked this for accuracy). Now the world is lost without the REAL Kermit the Frog?! I know *I* am!
Anyway, I haul his ass to the doc, who gets more of the story than I did. Doc says he’s likely pulled/pinched a muscle, might not have noticed at the time… and now it hurts like a beeotch. NO death-‘monias. Phew. And since you’re all too familiar with DOWN lately, perhaps a nasty pain caused by something you hadn’t felt yet?
Pain-killer wishes and hot-doctor dreams to you.
This sounds kinda like what I did to my rib after falling down really hard last year. It might just be a bruised rib, which apparently hurts about as bad as a broken one!
I vote for pulled/pinched diaphragm or other muscle. I am so sorry you’re going through more crap, do check in to let us know you’re OK when you get back! :(
yay converse!
oh. I mean, I hope you’re okay! :)
Seriously.
I have produced a similar pain in myself by doing nothing more than lying on my side with my arm under my head. It turns out that you can stress/stretch rib cartilage, sez my doc. Hurts like a motherf’er, but not fatal.
Here’s hoping it’s not teh pneumo-herpes.
This is a pinch or a pull– believe-you-me, if you had just broken a rib, movement would cause a reaction involving less wincing and more passing out. I’ve both broken one and bruised another — while the immediate pain with a broken rib is a gazillion times worse (oh, man, you KNOW it’s broken the second it happens), the duration of the pain is a lot longer and more obnoxious with the bruised rib.
ugh, K had a nasty case of pluricy back in Victoria and has never been the same since. Apparently it’s the worst kind of pain you can have, worse than childbirth. They rammed a big long needed right through her back into her lung to drain it off (with no anesthetic). I really hope you don’t have that.
A few years later I had some horrific chest/back pain that they said was some spontaneous thing people, usually guys my age at the time, would get. It lasted three dayus and then never came back, with no treatment needed.
I hope you have that.
pain sucks. you rock. You should not have pain.
Uh oh, you missed the “later today” check-in