Long weekends are my favourite kind of weekends ever.
Actually, wait – long weekends that I get PAID for are my favourite kind of weekends ever. Oh, the downside of not being a real boy – sure it’s nice to have an extra day off, but when it comes at the expense of say a full cart of groceries or perhaps a ticket for excessive speeding, it’s kind of hard to sit back and truly relax. As much as I enjoy sitting at my desk all naked and glistening, I’d much rather be getting paid.
This will soon be changing, apparently.
That’s right – wheels are in motion at my Space Station to finally – one year and three months after they should have – turn us into real boys. The Blue Fairy has a wand at the ready, and the paperwork is starting to flow our way. I should be happy about this, shouldn’t I? Except it tastes an AWFUL lot like “too little too late”, not to mention the excessive lack of details we’ve been given. All we have are provincial and federal tax forms to fill out, and a looming date of June 1st.
I am uneasy about this. This is just par for the course with me, given my boat-rocking skills – I pretty much refuse to sign diddly squat until I find out such petty details as:
- Is our pay rate going to change?
- Will we be paid salary or hourly?
- Will we be paid overtime?
- What are you offering in terms of vacation time?
- How retroactive is the vacation time?
- Benefits – are we getting them? How much? Are you flexible?
- How much are you planning on deducting for taxes?
- What of the previous 15 months in which you declared us non-employees even though we so obviously were?
- Discretionary days? Personal days? Sick days?
I know – I am so terribly uncooperative. It feels like I should be jumping with unbridled joy at our impending Real Boy status, but it doesn’t feel right. The “30 day probation” I was supposedly under came and went with nary a word, but the eternal fatalist in me still thinks that every whisper, every glance, every less than delighted hello means the Board is plotting against me. I’d love to be able to say that it’s all in my head, except the shit I went through in April plainly told me that it is not. So what next? Do I sign my life away and be delighted in whatever crumbs they throw my way until the next time someone has a cranky day and decides I am unfit for consumption? Do I try to find any kind of government agency to listen to my tale of woe and mismanagement and find out my options, if any? Do I wait, knowing there’s only a fine line between biding one’s time and wasting one’s time do you know what I mean?
When I explained the situation to the various people in my croo, their expressions mirrored exactly how I feel about this all – a furrowed brow and a “hmmmm”. I don’t know what to do, y’all. I don’t have the slightest clue where to begin. In fact, this whole thing is a lot like the sewing machine – it both confuses and scares me.
delicious juice dot com 
I think your list of questions is pretty reasonable, nothing you wouldn’t normally cover in the course of accepting a job… if it makes you anxious to be the only one asking, get a group of your co-boy-sans-wandwavers together and present the questions as a group. You have every right to know.
From an HR and legal perspective:
Is our pay rate going to change? If it does, and does significantly, you can choose to NOT accept the position, quit, and claim that you’ve undergone “constructive dismissal.” That’s when a fundamental term of your condition of employment changes with no prior notice.
Will we be paid salary or hourly? I don’t really see why this would make a difference to you? Unless the following question applies.
Will we be paid overtime? An employer, for the most part, must pay you overtime. If they don’t, then take them to Employment Standards. Just make sure that all overtime you work is approved in advance by your manager. Get him/her to sign off on it.
What are you offering in terms of vacation time? Again, this is regulated by Employment Standards – minimum of 4% of your wages for vacation pay and minimum two weeks annual vacation after twelve consecutive months of employment.
How retroactive is the vacation time? You’re probably going to lose out on this one, unless you run screaming to the government.
Benefits – are we getting them? How much? Are you flexible? Again, I wouldn’t bank on this. If they’re only now in the position to be able to pay for employment related taxes, I don’t imagine they have the money to shell out for benefits. They’re not cheap (the benefits, that is).
How much are you planning on deducting for taxes? Again, regulated by the federal government. Check the tax tables.
What of the previous 15 months in which you declared us non-employees even though we so obviously were? You’re dreaming, right? :-)
Discretionary days? Personal days? Sick days? I’m not even going here.
Hope this helps somewhat.