Ed’s birthday is tomorrow, but more importantly, my birthday is in 20 days. While I have vaguely hinted at some things I might like to be showered with (pugs, nerd toys, ostentatious jewellery, adoration, sticky love juices), what I *really* want is rather simple: backscratchers. Lots and lots of backscratchers. Do they make collapsible or portable ones? I need ‘em. I am itchy, and I can’t take it much more.

Since the accident that landed me in the hospital (as opposed to my other accidents which usually don’t require a ride in an ambulance), I have reduced mobility in my right arm. It doesn’t hurt anymore (except when I stretch really hard), but I can’t bend in certain ways – for example, I can’t scratch my back anymore. Naturally, my back itchiness has increased a thousand fold – I am pretty much constantly itchy up in my spinal bidness. We have a backscratcher at home, but I can never find it when I need it. At work I have disposable chopsticks on my desk that I use for the sole purpose of back scratching, because it’s either that or ask creepy people to touch me. Obviously I do not want that, so I make do with whatever I can – chopsticks, pens, the wall, particularly pointy-looking people I see on the street – nothing really helps except a good hard pounding with a real backscratcher.

I have no idea where we got the one we have, though. Where do you get backscratchers? I don’t recall ever seeing and thinking “hmm, I could really use a backscratcher; perhaps I shall buy this one” and you generally don’t see people saying “GODDAMN I NEED A BACKSCRATCHER RIGHT NOW” (except for in this post) – so where do they come from? I’m itchy.

For Ed’s birthday tomorrow, we’re gathering the North Shore Hipster Squad plus some Special Guests and going to the Memphis Blues BBQ House. Everyone is very excited at the idea of lots and lots of MEAT, but I am a little apprehensive because dang – that is a lot of meat. I’ve been perusing the menu in preparation, and am overwhelmed by the sheer meatiness of it all. I had to look some things up, because I am just not that familiar with all the edible parts an animal has – but luckily, Wikipedia has once again stepped up to the plate:

I think I’ll have a salad for lunch.