For a thousand different reasons, I haven’t had a stereo in the bedroom since I left my parent’s house. Today during the Great Rearrange of ’07, I put our little-used spare room stereo in the bedroom.

It’s like a whole new world in there. Not only can I listen to music, I can drown out my horrible neighbour’s horrible voice. Seriously, it’s like the clouds parted and angels broke into chorus and the sun beamed down some glorious golden light made of pixie dust and daydreams – I can’t hear my horrible neighbour! I can’t hear her cackle! I can’t hear her sing along to her terrible music! I can’t hear every detail of her phone calls, or listen to her talk to herself or anyone else within earshot! I can’t hear her moan or squeal or anything! I may have to listen to music ALL THE TIME now!

It is beyond disturbing to stumble across Facebook pictures of your little tiny niece* holding a giant purple dildo. It’s not that I object to the dildo – god knows I’m all for giant purple sex toys that look more like tree trunks than the penis they’re supposed to replace – but dude, she’s my niece. Isn’t she still , like, 7? Put that strap-on down and go play with your dolls!

*Okay, so she’ll actually turn 26 this month – STILL. I am scandalized.