It’s absolutely true – I did not expect the Spanish Inquisition.

I was elbow-deep in FAQs and cats when the apartment buzzer rang. I answered it and said hello, but I didn’t get a response – all I could hear was static and Spanish chatter. I assumed they were looking for our drum circle-loving neighbour, as he and his friends speak Spanish at great volumes all the time. I hung up the receiver and went to look out our secret doorstep viewing window – no one was there, so I headed back to my exciting documentation without a second thought.

Then there was a knock at my door. I looked out the peephole and saw a trio of people; two men in pseudo suits and a small girl. The guys looked like Mormons; they were wearing the black pants and short sleeved white dress shirt ensemble. I was busy scanning for the obligatory Latter-day Saint nametag when they knocked again. I wasn’t about to answer the door – I’m naked, naturally – so I treated it like a phone call.

Hello?
Hello! (pretend all this is in a heavy Spanish accent)
*knock knock*
Hello?
Yes, hello!
.. can I help you?
Yes we are looking for the Guillermo family?
Um, they don’t live here
Are you sure?
Yes, I’ve lived here for over a year.
Perhaps they moved?
Probably; they’re not here.
Do you know where they are?
No, sorry.
You don’t know where we can find them?
No, sorry.
Okay, you have a good day!

Wacky. Wonder what they wanted. Did I miss out on being saved, Spanish style?

My left eye has been bugging me non-stop. I really hope it’s psychosomatic, but I am terrified that there are bug eggs hatching all up in my eye goo. Surprisingly, there is not a lot of information on the internet about what to do when a bug goes in your eye or how to tell if you have eggs in there. I am contemplating microwaving my eye somehow to kill anything that might be planning on eating its way out. This sucks ass, and is horrifying.