Go on – ask me how awkward it is to buy sex toys in front of a four-year-old child.

Last night Shan and I went to the Open House at the Lonsdale Quay. All the stores on the second floor were offering free food and discounted hoohahs, in addition to the various artisans displaying their wares. We wandered around a little, had some free nibblies, and made some small purchases in the name of giving to others but really to ourselves. Each store was featuring a different type of food item, so in making the rounds we had a relatively full meal from each of the major food groups – salami, crackers, cheese, cherry tomatoes, cupcakes and chocolate.

The sex store in Lonsdale was part of the festivities, and they had a chocolate fountain with marshmallows and strawberries and sticks. I eschewed the marshmallows in favour of the fruit, and it was delicious. The logistics of owning and operating a chocolate fountain seems like far too much work for me, but I did enjoy experiencing someone else’s. Since everyone enjoys chocolate, the sex store was one of the more popular places in the evening. This is excellent; everyone should buy things from sex stores. Unfortunately though, *everyone* likes chocolate – including small children. There were many small children huddled around the chocolate fountain, eating all the marshmallows. Fine by me, I wanted the strawberries. The sex store was also having a “15% off everything!” sale, so we both looked around at the saucy items and I eventually opted to pick up a couple things.

This is where the four-year-old comes in. The girl working the register was deep in conversation with several friends, some of whom brought small children. She, being very tall, had hoisted the small boy child up into her arms so he could contribute to the conversation, things like “babies are small” and “I have a card”. Everyone ooh’d and aww’d at this apparently astounding display of smarts, and I had to heartless interrupt their good times by wishing to give the store some money. Small child still perched on her hip, the very tall girl made it to the register, set the small child on a stool so he was eye level with the items I was purchasing, and started to make things go beep.

This was not at all awkward.

The small child cast a curious eye towards my purchases, then thankfully opted to babble about a clown. The tall girl eventually handed my the debit keypad, then finally a black bag full of saucy items and I was able to make my escape (after another strawberry).

Did not like. I am in my element in a sex store. I am extremely awkward around small children. Purchasing dildos and leather restraints and ball gags in front of a small child is not at all as fun as it should be.

As uncomfortable as that entire scenario was, the highlight of the evening was undoubtedly the two tiny old ladies stomping around the lubricant aisle with one of them sagely saying “All it took was chocolate to finally get us into a sex store!”. Too cute. And props to them for not just taking the chocolate and leaving but actually going into the store to have a peek around!

At one of the stores we saw a line of knitted, beaded jewellery being sold that looked very, very familiar. I know I didn’t invent the idea or anything, but it was damn near identical to the stuff I was making during the Purl Necklaces days. I’ve actually been thinking about Purl Necklaces a lot – I miss being all crafty and I had a lot of fun with it. I still have a staggering amount of pretty shiny beads, so I just ordered some sterling silver wire off the eBays. It’d be nice to start it up again, even if only for myself. Hell, if someone can sell a pendant almost identical to this for $80 in a boutique, then maybe I should rethink starting Purl Necklaces back up again. I could use $80!

Hmpf. I made this choker for a friend; they’re selling the same idea on a bracelet for $149. I could whip up a pretty exact copy in a few hours, and it sure as hell wouldn’t cost $149. Oh well. I’m not really cut out for business anyway; I gave away my Purl Necklaces on a donation basis and it was fun. I think I’ll bone up on my knitting this weekend.

Heh heh “bone”.