Men’s deodorant is confusing. Yesterday, in an attempt to be helpful, I picked up not one but TWO different kinds of men’s deodorant for Ed. Naturally, they both turned out to be utterly wrong. Why is deodorant so complicated? Why is this the third entry I’ve written on deodorant within the last two months? If I were a pundit, I would make some sort of crack about something stinking but alas, I am just not that clever.
I woke up with a fantastic headache. I’m a little worse for wear this morning, but Cheddar is distracting me by being disarmingly cute. Also, the mailman has been playing ketchup and is delivering me outstanding goods at a rate of two per day – this morning I received another fancy gift from Nintendo and a package full of Christmas gifts for various people that I am quite excited about. If my head didn’t hurt so much and I wasn’t so unequivocally, spasmodically unemployed, I would be really quite upbeat about it all.
Lastly, here are some words.
coaxial: there was something i was going to ask you
Kimli: i’m already married
coaxial: dang
coaxial: what are your feelings on monogramy
coaxial: whatever that is
Kimli: it’s a single letter sewn into your clothes
Kimli: like the scarlet letter
coaxial: i see
coaxial: not as awesome as I’d imagined
Kimli: well, the scarlet letter is because you’re a shameless whore
Kimli: so it’s not all bad
coaxial: sweet
The concept of “monogramy” makes me laugh, a lot.
delicious juice dot com 
See the thing is about dude deodorant is that it all stinks! I think it is all part of some feminine plot to assist woman in spotting the Gay guy, or help determine whether that guy who is hitting on you at the bar is really as single as he claims! Simple smell check will tell you? Does he smell good? Gay or Taken! Because left to our own devices we will end up buying smelly crap that is marketed well (IE AXE! Smells like ass but we are told that woman will kill each other by the dozen in a KY jelly wrestling pit just to have the chance to mate with us, so we buy it) When you finally do find the stick that you like, be wary for they will change the packaging three times a year, and swap the colours around so you are never really sure the you have purchased the right one till you roll it on, only to discover that you smell like a bad 70’s action/porn movie, and discover that you now drive a 1976 Camaro with flames painted on the front fenders!
Yeah I lead a life of dissatisfaction with all deodorant until I discovered this classic old spice stuff which is pretty good. In a few short years it has changed to Old spice Red Zone High Endurance Invisible Solid Nascar Collectors Edition Original! or something (I wish I was kidding), for a long time you couldn’t find it anywhere, and now it is back again with yet another product name.
I get the Mitchum unscented gel with 1,000,000% aluminum chlorwhateveride in it. It keeps me from stinking by not coving up my own natural smell of Mike with something that makes me smell like I’ve rolled in musky cologne while being smelly myself.
They also come with stickers that attempt to help me identify myself as a Mitchum man. Do you only go to the doctor when something is broken? You migh tbe a Mitchum Man. Do your socks almost match? You might be a mitchum man. Is your idea of shopping a trip to the hardware store? Are you unsure about whether you own an ironing board? etc. etc.
I beleive I am a mitchum man because they get money from me, and thus they own me.