Regrets I have at 2am:

• That it’s not socially acceptable for me to vacuum right now
• That I didn’t take pictures of the blow job happening in the car outside our apartment this afternoon

I’m getting sick, so I slept from 7 until 11pm feeling sorry for myself. Then I woke up and started cleaning the house at midnight, and there are huge piles of crud and cat hair that I’m dying to get rid of – but I can’t, because it would be “rude”. Fuck rude – there is DUST on my FLOOR and how am I supposed to live with that at 2am?!

Miranda and I caught my downstairs neighbour giving a blow job in some guy’s car outside our apartment this afternoon. We got home from shopping (I bought heels. Coming soon: Ed’s recap of my hospital visit because I’ve fallen and broken many bones!) and I noticed a young man reclining in the driver’s seat of his car. It was a little strange that he might be napping at 4:30 in the afternoon outside our building, but whatever – then I noticed that he in fact wasn’t napping but rolling his head around in pleasure. I immediately Nancy Drew’d that he was getting a blow job, and sure enough, we saw a head bobbing up and down in his genital region. Naturally, Miranda and I raced upstairs so we could watch the blow job from above. I peeped every few minutes to see if they were done, and after ten minutes or so someone got out of the car. Imagine my utter hysterics when I saw that it was one of the two sisters who live next to Josh and Shan; they of the over-protective parents who wouldn’t let them rent the apartment until they had quizzed all her potential neighbours about the safety of the area (we lied). Turns out that maybe her dad shouldn’t have been so worried about the crime in our ‘hood so much as the fact that his daughter gives blow jobs to guys in the comfort of the front seat of a car. Klassy! She got out laden with shopping bags, and he drove off his seed firmly planted in her stomach (I assume; although she doesn’t look like the type to swallow). All in all, it was hilarious. Blow jobs: funny.

Except for the fact that Ed is officially sick and I am getting sick, I had a great Friday with Miranda and my house is clean for 2am. I think I will go drug myself back to sleep, after I look to see if there are any more blow jobs happening outside.