Things I do not do:

• Drink
• Swear
• Rat my hair
• Get ill from one cigarette
• Appreciate your filthy paws on my silky drawers (would you pull that crap with Annette?)
• Apologize when I’m not wrong
• Realize how lucky I was for making it 7+ years without a family member discovering my blog

It’s not like I routinely say nasty things about my family (or really, anyone who isn’t a neighbor) or share shocking secrets (real ones, not things that *I* think are shocking) or anything, but I was always very secure in my comfortable bubble of NO CONSEQUENCES – it didn’t really matter what I wrote or when, because there would be NO CONSEQUENCES to anything I said. I didn’t spend my time writing terrible things, but still – if I wanted to complain about my job or wax poetic about my vagina or talk of illicit but non-discrete drug use or say how stabby Ed was making me, I could and it wouldn’t matter.

Until now.

Thanks to Facebook and the increasing prevalence of the internet, I have officially been outed to Ed’s family. After my initial freak out (and believe it, it was an epic freak out of monumental proportions), I am okay. My first thought was to go back and censor 7 years of posts, but that would a) be completely against everything I stand for, b) take a really, really, really long time, c) make me feel horrible inside, d) be completely pointless. I’ve never censored myself (much to Ed’s dismay, I’m sure) – why start now? I haven’t *done* anything! So, no censoring. I am still All Out There. I am Highly Inappropriate at All Times, and not someone you’d want at a classy dinner party. Also, hi mom!

So, how about that local sports team?