Things that go through your head seconds before you’re turned into road paste:
- Oh shit, this is going to hurt
- You could have worn the cute lacy pink panties today, but you HAD to wear that old, holey pair that says “kiss me” over the crotch – classy
- Fuck, this is my favourite sweater – if they have to cut it off my corpse, I am going to be PISSED
- Wait, I’m going to be a corpse – I guess I won’t be needing that sweater
I was almost killed this morning on Marine Drive, by an oblivious woman in a red rental car.
Scenario: I was behind her in the left lane driving down Marine. I was behind her for 3 or so blocks, enough to note that a) she was driving a new red Cobalt, b) it had stupid looking brake lights, c) it was a rental car from Enterprise, d) I wonder if she’s going to pick someone up or if that’s actually her rental car. Right around Marine and Mackay, I moved into the right lane. All was good. I scooted along happy as can be, doing my usual scoot n’ scan – watching the traffic around me as well as the road ahead. Right before Pemberton, I noticed the red car out of the corner of my eye. It looked like it was getting closer. Sure enough, the lady decided at the last second that she needed gas RIGHT NOW and moved from the left lane into the right lane – into ME.
I slammed on my brakes, with the aforementioned thoughts going through my head. I was too busy braking and trying to stay upright to honk. The road is lumpy at that intersection, and I almost lost control of Oscar while trying to keep out of the path of the car. I was certain I was going to crash into her rear passenger door – she was about an inch from my front tire when I managed to slow down enough to keep from hitting her. I was also sure I was going to end up under her car – if I hadn’t been able to keep Oscar upright, I probably would have slid under her rear tire.
She turned at Pemberton, then into the gas station. I too turned into the station, thinking she was terribly embarrassed and wanted to apologize for nearly killing me. I live in a dream world, though – the woman drove her rental car up to the pump, rummaged around in her purse, and got out to fill her tank.
I scooted up beside her, and waited until she got out of the car. The moment she was completely out, I let loose: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CLOSE YOU CAME TO KILLING ME? YOU CHANGED LANES RIGHT INTO ME! WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING! YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!
Ever seen a person look like this? :O
She had absolutely no idea I was there. She had no clue she almost hit me, almost killed or seriously injured me, and almost needed that rental car insurance. NOW came the shock and horror I had expected moments earlier. She apologized, of course – she was so sorry, so very sorry. I slammed my visor down in disgust and rode off, aware and pleased that she was now getting stares from the other cars that had stopped in the area.
I hope I ruined her day. She certainly ruined mine – I *hate* starting my day out with near death experiences.
I am very proud of myself for three reasons, though:
- I kept Oscar upright and myself alive
- I didn’t swear when yelling at the woman who almost killed me
- I didn’t kick her door panel in when I pulled up next to her (I probably would have if it wasn’t a rental)
I can’t wait to see what the rest of my Wednesday brings.
delicious juice dot com 
grr.. such bad drivers here, good thing you were able to avoid her path of death and destruction. They need to make it so anytime you suddenly slam on both brakes it automatically honks the horn for long periods of time. Anytime a car nearly kills me (fairly often) I’m also too busy saving my life to even think about honking. Any time I’ve confronted a kamikazee driver who’s come within inches of ending me they have also had no clue I was even there. It’s all about the “I am actually entirely invisible” mindset and riding accordingly. I ride as if every car is driven by a murderous raging drunk and is about to start doing 360 degree spins at any moment, and give them the appropriate amount of space for that at all times.
When do you get your armor and full helmet :)
I really enjoy these brit motorcycle safety ads http://youtube.com/watch?v=j-mdoambAQQ
Holey crap! (Get it?!) I’m pretty sure she would have had a boot sized dent if I were in your shoes girlie (actually, I probably just would have seethed and kept going, so good for you for stopping and letting her know…oblivion is not a good state of mind to be in when driving.)
Glad you didn’t find down!
Glad to hear that you were able to keep the rubber side down.
Josh makes a good point… Armour and no skirts… :)
I ride a motorcycle and totally know the feeling. Best investment I made was a $15 high-decibel horn (think semi truck horn) from an auto parts store. It should be pretty easy to switch out Oscar’s regular horn for a louder horn. http://www.wolo-mfg.com/elec.htm
Happy scooting!
Not sure if 100 miles per gallon is worth it. But then again I have always been a 4 wheels kind of guy.
I bike, but have the same car-related issues! What is with these drivers who do not notice the world around them, while driving thousands of pounds of death-dealing metal???
I have developed passionate feelings of hatred against drivers of cars who MUST talk on their FUCKING CELL PHONES while driving. And it always seems to be either soccer moms in their big stupid minivans who are yakking away on their phones who are so dangerous (“But, I never saw you!” Like that makes a difference after you nearly killed me), or senior citizens too teeny to see over the steering wheels of their Boats of Cars and panic when they notice bikers (this panic seems to drive them straight towards us – not really sure how that happens).
I know it is not really reasonable, but after nearly being taken out by a woman in her huge car (she turned right out of her driveway, crossing a two lane highway and headed the wrong way in the far lane, so she could get her mail from the mailbox across the street – lazy cow; I was not really expecting that maneuver but managed – barely – to dodge her), when I bike past her house I slow down and spit in her driveway. Childish and pointless I know, but it makes me feel better about my near death experience. She did prompt me to get Road ID bracelets for my husband and myself, so the next person who actually hits one of us will know who to call. (www.roadid.com) So, I guess she kind of did me a favor?
Bitch.
Yay for scooters and bikes!!! :)