On Wednesday morning, I will be signing a 5-year contract extension with Team No Babies by way of a Mirena IUD. I did a lot of thinking and while I really want to Fight the System on the “never say never” policy, I just want something in place already. Also, we’re running out of condoms. I don’t want to spend the next year or so in ovarian limbo as I try to find a doctor who will tie my tubes and then wait some more for the surgery – I want to have freaky no-baby-making sex NOW, and being able to bathe my eggs in random sperm with no fetal repercussions is a priority.
I’m ready for this. I’m mentally prepared for the discomfort, thanks to the repeated sharing of IUD horror stories by people who suck at quelling fears. Ed is coming to the appointment with me then taking me home – the doctor suggested I take the day off, because it’s gonna hurt – and tomorrow evening I will stockpile the bedroom with everything I might need during my convalescence such as reading material, DS games, computing devices, kittens, and Diet Coke. It will be fine. *I* will be fine.
I think.
Yesterday, I picked up my Mirena prescription. I discovered there are two things nobody bothers to tell you if you choose this method of birth control:
- It’s EXPENSIVE. Price was never discussed, which is good because it might have made me change my mind. The device cost $396.28! Holy shit! Okay, yes – when you price out 5 years of birth control at approximately $35 a month (60x$35=$2100), it’s a bargain. I’m lucky enough to have benefits that cover 90% of the cost, meaning I only paid $39.63, but man. That shocked me a little. And only a little, because I was too busy being shocked over:
- The size of the friggin’ box.
I’ve never actually seen an IUD up close and in person, but logic tells me it’s probably pretty small because it’s meant to fit in your uterus, which is not enormous usually. Nothing could have prepared me for the shock and awe I felt when the pharmacist handed me the box: it measures 16”x4”x1”. It is big.
How big?
Here are some images to help you determine just how shockingly large this box is:
Mirena vs Domo-kun
Mirena vs my new boots
Mirena vs Macbook
Mirena vs a half full bottle of Limoncello
Mirena vs Sasha
WHAT THE HELL!
WHY IS THAT BOX SO BIG??!
I wasn’t scared until I saw that box, and now I am terrified.
I like my men like I like my burritos, but never have I ever requested a 16″ burrito.
I think I’m going to have to do some stretching.
AHH!
delicious juice dot com 
I hurt just looking at that
*LOL* Let’s hope there’s lots of internal (the box, not you!) unnecessary packaging and recyclable material.
Oh yeah, and congrats on the contract extension in Team No Babies! We’ve got a lifetime membership over here! :-D
PS – Where did you buy those boots? I <3 them!
Dude, no worries!! I almost bolted right out of the stirrups when that mofo came out of the drawer, but it turns out that the little sucker is loaded into a teeny tiny straw (I guess it’s a long straw, I wouldn’t look). It’s not bad at all, beyond that one cramp that makes you go “uh … ma’am?” and by the time you say that, that part’s over. I am so Team Mirena.
I am certain that i know of a much easier way to avoid children :)
Abstinence is for losers, and Ed has yet to explain his refusal for getting a vasectomy to the internet at large ..
I’m on my second IUD, so from the voice of experience… *cough*:
The applicator is long. It has to go all the way up your tunnel of looooove! The device itself is teeny tiny. Your repository of loooove isn’t so big as the tunnel of loooove. At least, not without a baby in it.
Don’t worry, it’s not as scary out of the box. :)
Also: Taking the day off is TOTALLY overkill for most women. I’ve talked to 2 or 3 who said it was really painful, and over two dozen who said it was the same as me: Mildly crampy for a few hours, about as bad as mild PMS cramps. Don’t jump up & down and you’ll probably be fine.
Warning: You might bleed a bit (or it’s possible that I’m just a bleeder). If you’re a bleeder, eat first. My second time around, I went first thing in the morning … aka, before breakfast, and got a little light headed on my way out and had to go back and lay down and have some water. Totally embarrassing. Eat first. :D
i seriously feel for you there lady. i say keep talking about the big v, just work it into like every conversation. :P
Holy crap! It’s like Rock Band big. Are you allowed to open the box? (YouTube IUD unboxing video, anyone?)
I love the effect of the order of the pictures. It took me a while to understand the size comparisons:
– From the product shot you can’t tell anything about size.
– Then the stuffed toy… could be any size
– Then the boots… Whoa, are those real boots or some keychain novelty thing?
– Laptop, bottle and grumpy cat… Run away!!
Can’t say I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ but a friend was telling me when she got hers, they did a little numbing of her cervix first… and that the thing itself is tiny, but I can see the need for a long straw o’ insertion.
Good luck to you! May your straw be very small and your cervix receptive!
congrats. but I must say a tubal ligation cost me nothing, and I was fine after a few days. I can fucky fucky with no worries of babies. and no cramps, and no weird foreign object in my uterus.
Ok, well I have had the pleasure, and I say:
1. it hurts going in; after that no problems
2. so sorry about the price :( in the US I paid my copay, I forgot CDA is on a different dealybob
3. Have your Dr. give you Vicodin — yay for pain meds!!
At first glance, because of the box’s color scheme, I thought it was a new add on device for the Wii.
BOTH. RockIUD, the amazing interactive game where you pretend you’re a doctor. Insert jokes, among other things, here.
Hahahaha. I thought the same thing about the box! I had mine put in last week. It’s full of…inserting materials. Honestly, it looks like a giant candle lighter. Bull shit about it not hurting though. It hurt like a bitch! Only for the actual procedure though, after that it wasn’t nearly as bad.