Gillian (whom I miss dearly) just pointed out something awesome to me: I am the most relaxed person in the universe.
I have no stress. None! While others think of chillaxin’ as something they like to do during downtime, I think of it on par with oxygen – I don’t have to think about breathing, I just do it. Likewise, I don’t have to set aside some quiet time for myself: my entire life is a warm ocean breeze along a pure white beach dotted with palm trees, Diet Coke machines, and no pants.
CNN Money just released a list of the 10 Least Stressful Jobs, and I’m on the list not once but twice:
- Education/Training Consultant
- Physical Therapist
- College Professor
- Software Developer
- Technical Writer
- Telecommunications Network Engineer
- Speech-Language Pathologist
- Software Architect
- Occupational Therapist
- Civil Engineer
I have the 5th and 1st least stressful jobs available. YEAH! I am relaxed and fancy free! I’m so chill I take uppers just to get to baseline. I mainline hardcore drugs just to get above status quo. I cut myself just to feel. I bleed just to know I’m alive. I .. quote Goo Goo Dolls lyrics when no one’s looking. Sorry.
Seriously though, I laughed long and hard at that list – but then I thought about it. The majority of the stress I feel doesn’t actually come from the act of writing things technically, or training people to do things like tutu-wearing grizzly bears – my stress comes from the other things I do, like, like wrangling routers and creating highly detailed video game organizations in CRM for my own amusement during testing and dealing with irrational managers with god complexes. If I did nothing but my job description, I’d be stress free (and bored out of my mind). Where’s the fun in that? A little stress does a body good. It also makes me swear like an incontinent sailor, much to the amusement of those around me.
Now, last night? Last night I was stressed. I had to call my mother and ask if she’s thought about the huge favour I asked of her. She has, and the thoughts came in the form of screaming: it’s my fault that our car got broken into and that we don’t have thousands of dollars lying around all willy-nilly and that we’re not over the age of 55 and/or terminally ill. There was a lot of screaming and while she wasn’t exactly coherent, it is likely that I am also to blame for her car needing new tires, cataract surgery, the fact that she needs a new crown on her tooth, and property tax. All these things are my fault. Sorry.
Of course, there’s always the possibility that my mother just plain sucks.
I may be a terrible daughter, but she is fucking insane.
(post title is a line from “Relax” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, which was Zoolander’s trigger to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia, which is my mother’s nationality: I love it when things go full circle)
howl at the moon
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Yay I am #4 AND #8! I knew I lived a fairly stress free existence…
I would say that probably 10 days out of a work year am I at a point where I could definitely say I am stressed.
nice full circle on the last line, there.
so jealous of your freedom from stress (in theory)! not that my work is particularly stressful, considering i am bored out of my mind at work and can’t concentrate at all.
funny how journalism is not on that list…but do not stress much anyway. As far as crazy mums is yours related to mine?
OMG all our moms should totally all get together and have a conference. On the agenda:
9:00am – 10:30am (Plenary Session): Criticism
How to witheringly destroy your child’s self-esteem in the most efficient way possible. Includes tips on how best to criticize your child’s weight, life choices, and relationships.
10:30am – 11:45am (Breakout Sessions): Talking About Yourself
Need to make sure that every topic of conversation becomes about yourself and your interests? Learn how to become more effectively insensitive. Top tips from experts on including health ailments and financial problems in everyday banter. PLUS: Strategic forgetting.
10:30am – 11:45am (Breakout Sessions): Lashing Out
Tantrums: Are they effective? Making the most of screaming and ranting. Learn how to gain the upper hand in any confrontation. Also, great tips on lashing out – make it strategic! Discussion will focus on how to turn an audience’s anger into guilt in three easy steps.
11:45am – 1:00pm: Lunch
Please indicate dietary preferences. Diabetic meals available.
1:00pm – 2:30pm (Plenary): Denial – not just a river in Africa!
How to make sure that you can’t remember all those soul-destroying things that you said to or about your kids. Beginning to wonder if things were your fault after all? STOP this kind of thinking in its tracks! You did a great job. Learn how to take proper, loud credit for all of your kids’ good decisions and successes, while avoiding blame for the bad ones.
2:30 – 3:45: Meet and greet
Network, find parents whose children are as badly behaved, financially irresponsible, and physically unappealing as yours are. Swap tips on how to better help your kids improve their lives – trade cutting remarks, and share success stories.
3:00 – 3:45: Special session
Christmas! The holidays are almost here. Big family discussions about death or finances coming your way? Come hear an expert talk about leveraging that holiday stress and guilt, and using it to get what *you* want before the turkey is out of the oven.
3:45 – 5:00: Wrap-up session
GUEST SPEAKER: Our special guest speaker will tell you how to put what you’ve learned into everyday practice. PLUS: 12h spa give-away, door prizes, and more.
Holy shit ‘nee, that is hysterical. Everyone sign your mom up today! :D
I’ve clearly been to far too many conferences.
(And I’ve never even won a single door prize, either, goddammit =) )
I nominate my mother as moderator for the Denial session – she is nothing, if not a pro, at this particular topic.
R., you totally deserve a door prize for that brilliance! :-) I’m signing up my mom just as soon as you email me the enrolment form.
I have an insane mother… which is why I chose NOT be an insane mother. I would like to sign up my mother for the seminar. However, when she finds out, she will go crazy and rag at me for thinking she is insensitive. I will have then created a vicious circle of ongoing insanity. I may even end up insane myself. Then Shan has better watch out!
“Trade cutting remarks” lulz
My mom can organize the conference, that used to be part of her job. My stepmom should attend, I don’t think she sends me enough passive-aggressive emails telling me how I’ve hurt her feelings.
I agree about job stress, it’s often not the work itself that’s stressful but peripheral stuff you *have* to do that keeps you from doing your real job. Or in my case, most stress is from other people. I got into IT to get away from people but that totally didn’t work out.
WOAH beautiful photo Kimli! I love it.
Damn, my job isn’t on the list. You are lucky! :)
Wait, what? Software Developer isn’t stressful? I guess for rank and file drones at a big company, maybe. But for someone at a startup it can be pretty stressful at times.
Or maybe I’m confusing hectic ZOMGCRAZY deadlines with stressful ( two months of 12+ hour days plus the occasional working on a Saturday, last Feb/March ).
That said, being lead developer on something is stressful, at least the first time it happens. Not sure about subsequent times, because this is my first run at semi-lead.
Also, Telecomunications Network Engineer? That seems like the kind of job that has some serious stress. I see two types of stress in that job:
1) slow building: “So far, nothing has gone wrong with this totally new network deployment that will upgrade service for 50% of our customers. So far.”
2) all at once: “The entire downtown phone network is down because of some punk with a Captian Crunch whistle. Awesome.”
Or maybe it’s just me.
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