Eating jalapeno poppers at midnight can officially be filed under Bad Ideas, no matter how delicious they are and how much fun it is to squeeze all the cream cheese out before eating them.

I had the WEIRDEST DREAMS. At one point, I kicked both Lemon and Ed while running away from a weevil (who appeared as claymation Sphynx crossed with this thing). There were two of them; the second was mean and had a gun and said I was lousy in bed. I do not like the weevil. It is not nice.

Worse than the gun-toting mean-spirited weevils though; I dreamed I was pregnant. It was no good at all, but it was also funny to note how my dreams play out exactly like my waking life. When I discovered I was 4 months pregnant, my thought patterns went like this:

• Well, fuck
• I should call Ali and find out what to expect
• My stomach hurts
• If it’s a girl, I’m totally going to call it Dora
• Maybe I can give it to Kim; she wants to adopt
• OH MAN I CAN’T WAIT TO BLOG THIS

It’s good to know that my nightmares can retain some sort of connection to real life; no matter how terrifying.