forks you, man

WORDS! FOR YOU!

We left Vancouver on Saturday morning, a little later than we intended – neither of us felt like getting out of bed when the alarm went off, so snooze was hit repeatedly until my bladder could not be silenced any further. We were out of the house by 9, and at the border by 10 along with the rest of the Lower Mainland. An hour or so later, we managed to get through the crossing and into the US (after only a mild scolding from the guard because Ed kept putting his sunglasses back on so he could see). I insisted on a stop at Trader Joe’s for snacks; something that would come in extremely handy during our long drive.

The start of the 101 is awesome; it rivaled the lower Oregon Coast. Chuckanut Drive is hugely popular, and it’s very easy to see why – the scenery is unbelievable. Our new goal is to scoot/ride the Chuckanut because in addition to being fun to say, it is all of the awesome and would be SO FUN on two wheels. After landing in Burlington, we headed west towards Anacortes – we had a ferry to catch!

I’d like to claim I totally did this on purpose so we wouldn’t have to worry about keeping a schedule, but the truth is I just forgot to check the ferry times. As luck would have it, we arrived at the Keystone terminal 2 minutes before they started loading the 1:30 sailing. Unfortunately, without a reservation, we were at the mercy of the cars ahead of us. If we didn’t make the boat, we’d have to wait until the 3pm sailing – no great hardship because we didn’t have anywhere we needed to be and it was gorgeous outside, but it would definitely stop the momentum we had so far.

The cars started loading onto the ferry. As they got down to the last 5 cars, the boarding slowed as they shuffled people to and fro on the tiny, 1-deck boat. The second to last car in lane 5 went, and they stopped. There were three cars left – a giant Hummer in lane 5, the Mazdabator, and a minivan behind us. We all waited with baited breath as word squawked over the radio – there was room for one more. BUT WAIT! The Hummer was too big, so they’d have to skip it and take the next car .. which was US! We were the very last car allowed on the ferry by virtue of being smaller than a Hummer! We giggled our way up the ramp and onto the boat, feeling so very smug about it all. Take that, giant car! Enjoy the 3pm sailing!

Half an hour later, we landed in Port Townsend and continued our trip. We took the US20 south to the 101 towards Port Angeles. The ride was good, but a little boring – this part of the 101 is quiet inland, so there wasn’t much to look at. Besides, I had ulterior motives – we had to get to FORKS.

We pulled into Forks just before 4pm and found a spot to park. Forks is little more than one main street with a few residential offshoots, and most of the Twilight action is on the main drag. If you check the Forks website, there are various places you can go – “Bella’s house” (a random house they decided was close enough to that described in the book), “the Cullen house” (same thing), and .. the hospital, and stuff. Yes, these things are in the book – much like someone mentioned a tree or a bench or a particularly puffy cloud – but they’re not the ACTUAL THING, as SMeyer pulled it all out of her ass while writing. I feel really, really bad for the people who live in those houses, because even though the website says “please be respectful of the people who live there”, if you’re rabid enough to go to Forks to look around, what’s one further act of fandom to peek in a window or take a piece of souvenir siding?

Ed needed to take a nap to recharge his batteries, so I was on my own for Forking it. I took pictures of as many embarrassing outside things as I could, then ventured into the first of the two Dazzled by Twilight stores – there were two, on the same street, three doors apart and next to the Twilight Lounge. The store was small and filed with many, many things – but was NOTHING compared to the Twilight Alpha Base.

The store was huge and crowded with both merchandise and people. As awkward as everything was, I have to give both stores props – they let me take pictures of anything I wanted (and offered to take pictures OF me, to which I couldn’t say “no thank you” quickly or vehemently enough). I was so very Canadian here; I didn’t want to just ASSUME it was okay to take pictures in the store – a lot of places don’t allow it – but thankfully they were totally cool with it. So, I took pictures. A lot of pictures. I tried to take a shot of every single ridiculous product I could find because some were clearly worse than others. I was shocked at the variety of things they slapped a Twilight logo on just to sell random crap, but it’s clearly working – just as I’ll buy pretty much anything if it has Katamari or a scooter on it, people will buy Twilight stuff. Among my quote unquote favorites:

get it?

you really need to read these - click for big

help stop the needless slaughter .. give us money so a fictional character can eat

on the window of the candy shop

every business in forks sells twilight stuff. here you can send packages, get keyless remotes programmed, and buy twilight souvenirs!

my heart belongs to my husband but my neck belongs to edward cullen

Seriously, just look at the rest of the set. There are some gems in there.

After I left the store, I wandered down the rest of Main Street before heading back to the car to wake Ed up. It was too early to stop for the night (and the hotel with the Twilight rooms had no vacancy), so we hit the road again and ended up in Aberdeen for the night. Aberdeen was cool, but I think my favourite was Astoria – there was a fucking Goonies festival going on! I wish we had more time there, but Sunday’s weather was pretty terrible and we both just wanted to get to Portland to relax.

As so we did! We arrived at our hotel last night around 7:30, in the middle of a crazy rain storm. It is very fancy here – there are guys in suits and gloves who insist upon doing things for me, and I keep having to give them money. The location is fantastic though; we’ve been able to walk everywhere and enjoy delicious things. Portland’s food carts are fucking awesome, and I can’t WAIT until we get them in Vancouver (assuming they will be as delicious and plentiful and varied as they are here). Last night we turned to Yelp to help us find somewhere to go, and we ended up at a very ritzy place that we normally wouldn’t be able to afford – except it was Happy Hour, and the menu was insane, with absolutely fantastic food under five frickin’ dollars. Our bill came to $25, and $13 of that were the drinks we had. Ed definitely won the evening with that find, but I’ll get him next time Gadget.

Today was fun. We drove around to the places we (I) wanted to go that weren’t in walking distance, then wandered downtown Portland for a few hours. We went to Powell’s, and once again I want to just live in the basement because it is so fucking awesome in there. We found an Apple store, and it was decided that I will NOT be getting an iPad – I want one, but I don’t WANT one so clearly it can (and should) wait. Tomorrow we’re going to the video arcade, and Stumptown/Voodoo Donuts, and to check out the Rose Festival going on at the waterfront. It should be another fun, full day!

road trip 2010! um, half of it. we have to go home sometime.

forks welcomes you

vampires (do not) live here

I’m trying to find time to write about the trip, but I’m either out experiencing it or I’m exhausted. I promise there will be a full write up of our adventures, including the much-anticipated trip to Forks – but right now, I have Portland to explore. The picture above leads to the Flickr set for this trip; click on it and check out the pictures. I did have time to add commentary to most of the images, so there’s that. Have fun. Try not to wince yourself into a headache.

Portland ho!

smells like teen spirit

Good morning from Aberdeen Washington, the Birthplace of Grunge. Ed and I landed here last night around 8pm, and found a nice little hotel – Aberdeen’s Finest, according to the neon sign – offering free wi-fi and decided to stop for the night. It was a good decision – we were both tired and hungry, and Aberdeen is big enough to have three 7-11s so clearly it is a sprawling metropolis with many options.

After checking in and asking the clerk where to eat, we found ourselves at Billy’s. Billy was a local legend around these parts, and Aberdeen itself is chockfull of seedy history:

By 1900, Aberdeen was considered one of the grittiest towns on the West Coast, with many saloons, whorehouses, and gambling establishments populating the area. Aberdeen was nicknamed “The Hellhole of the Pacific”, or “The Port of Missing Men”, because of its high murder rate. One notable resident was Billy Gohl, known locally as Billy “Ghoul”, who was rumored to have killed at least 140 men (Gohl was convicted of 2 murders).

Hell. Yes. I didn’t know any of this before we stopped here, but if I had, I would have made a point of it. At Billy’s restaurant, Ed had a yak burger and a pint of Dick’s and I enjoyed a delicious but less hilarious-sounding meal. We came back to the hotel room, set up our various internet devices, and pretty much passed out for sleeping times. I had truly wanted to write an epic update – I have SO MANY PICTURES – but that’ll have to wait until later.

I know some people (okay, just Shan) will be disappointed that we didn’t spend the night in Forks, but I have other, non-creepy things I want to do before we get to Portland so it was good that we kept going. We did stop in Forks for at least an hour, and I explored the main drag with my camera. I want to properly name and describe the photos that I have but I was way too tired to do so last night and we’re about to hit the road again, but I will try to get to it tonight. I have words. Words about Forks. I will leave you with this, though: Even though I am not into Twilight at all and think the entire thing is ridiculous, I found myself a little melancholy after leaving the town because they do such an epic job of ruining the fantasy.

Here is a picture. There will be so very many more.

at least it's spelled right, i guess

deaf and bow-legged

I do not understand how Ed is not deaf and bow-legged.

I borrowed his scooter to run an important errand – picking up dinner from Anton’s – because Lola is still in the shop and I didn’t want to try to find car-sized parking on the street during the dinner hour. I still have Oscar but he’s uninsured, so Ed’s ride was my only choice.

I don’t think I’ve had a more awkward scooter ride; even that time I tried to scoot in a PVC skirt as a mockery of rain gear was better. His scooter is UNBELIEVABLY LOUD! As annoying as I find his ride because of the noise, it’s even LOUDER when you’re on it. Holy shit, I thought I was going to go deaf in the 6 minutes it took me to get to Anton’s from Sparta. How can he stand it? And the stance! His seat is so wide it felt like most of West Burnaby was privvy to my underpants. The whole thing made me feel really exposed – the seat, the stance, the fact I couldn’t use the mirrors, the wind up my vagina. My helmet is at the shop with my scooter, so I wore my backup half  helmet and that didn’t help the whole “feeling exposed” thing. It was awkward. I’m glad the food was worth it; you can’t go wrong with that much sausage.

We’re off to adventure bright and early tomorrow morning! I don’t know where we’re stopping for the night tomorrow, but I will check in with stories if the hotel has wi-fi. If not, I’ll check in from Portland. Hooray!

explode

I can’t take it – this is so fucking cute I am going to explode:

hobble and lemon

they normally keep to themselves

oh god why are they so cute

Click the images to see the rest of them. They’ve been sleeping like that since ten am, and it’s now three hours later and neither of them show any sign of moving. It’s got to be illegal to be this cute. I can’t take it.

To cut the treacle, here is a clock made of lies:

it "runs" on "steam" aka LIES

dissolved resolve

Justification(s) of the Day:

  • If I drive the car to work, I can get cat food on the way home – we’re completely out, and they’ll appreciate me getting the food BEFORE I come home (and also I won’t have to take the stupid fucking bus)
  • If I get an iPad, I can get electronic copies of a lot of the books on my shelves meaning I can donate them to others AND free up some precious shelf space – the Harry Potters and Stephen Kings take up most of one bookshelf alone! Buying an iPad would mean I have a CLEANER HOUSE!

Last night at the Police Museum, I got double-teamed by John Biehler and Tris Hussey. They both pulled out their iPads and spent a goodly amount of time showing me the many cool things you could do with it, and I could immediately envision where I could use the thing in my everyday life. I hadn’t actually ever played with one before last night, and was a little taken aback at how gorgeous the display was. John brought up the Marvel Comics app, and I nearly jizzed in my pants – godDAMN, that looked fine. It didn’t help my resolve all when John showed me the camera attachment either; instantly importing the pictures I had just taken with my Tiny Cam and editing them on the screen. Damnit, I already said I didn’t want or need an iPad – and now it’s all I can think about; the number of ways I could use it and how incredibly sexy it was (and would make me by association).

I am pretty much ruing in advance our trip to Portland; home of the tax-free shopping and plentiful Apple stores.

I’m officially on vacation as of 5pm today, and it’s not coming a moment too soon. I am perpetually annoyed at work, and I need a break – time to clear my head, shake off my angst and think about what I want to be when I grow up. I’m really frustrated with a lot of things right now, the least of which is not the fact that I was docked a day’s pay for being sick last week. We get sick days, but our HR person put me on some kind of sick day probation for being absent too much last year. Okay, fine – I get it; I’ll come in when I feel like shit and be useless for the entire day. Unfortunately, our HR person left the company a few months ago and her replacement doesn’t start for another two weeks. In the meantime, I’m flagged in our system as “sick = unpaid” and no one can remove it. I seethed for a little bit, then did some research – according to the office assistant, I took 10 sick days in 2009, and 1.5 days so far in 2010. 10 sick days is a LOT, but 5 of those don’t really count – I had the Piggy Sniffles, and the company-wide policy was that H1N1 didn’t count towards your sick days and for the love of god, don’t come into the office until you’ve got the all clear. Since I had The Talk, I’ve actually been really conscious of my absences and have worked through many migraines and sniffles so I wouldn’t be penalized. I’ve taken 1.5 sick days in 6 months, which I don’t think is out of line at all – yet I’m still being docked a chunk of pay for it, which bites.

Using this new thing called “Confrontation”, I talked to my boss about it then emailed him the cold hard facts. He’s passed the info along to the Ghost of Karen (our HR person is working on a contract basis until the new person starts), who will hopefully a) lift this ridiculous probation on how often I’m allowed to be sick and b) credit me back those 8 hours of pay. After tax, that’s a good-sized piece of the iPad I don’t want. They should give it back to me.

Tonight I pack and do laundry. Tomorrow, I get rid of this Dora the Explorer haircut. Saturday, we leave .. for FORKS. Expect pictures.

music and passion were always in fashion

The Bad News: Darth Lola needs both her head and base gaskets replaced; something that requires a complete engine rebuild (a 5-hour job)

The Good News: The parts are in stock – if they weren’t, it’d have been a 1-4+ week wait.

The Better News: Lola is still under warranty, for another two weeks – this couldn’t have happened at a better time (assuming it had to happen at all)

The Best News: I’m going on vacation, so they’ll work on Lola next week and she’ll be done by the time I return next Thursday so I’ll have her back in time for a glorious summer of two-wheel fun!

HOORAY!

<3 <3 <3

not so bad

Okay, it’s raining. Has been for some time. Yes, it’s June. Almost summer, even. Blah blah stupid rain blah blah where’s the sun blah blah hate being wet.

People, it could be SO MUCH WORSE:

current weather condition: dusty

Still whining? How about the upcoming week in Djibouti?

feels like breathing fire

Okay, some people like it hot. But how would you handle a forecast of impending doom?

cloudy with a chance of apocalypse

It could always be worse. Remember how beautiful our February was? This’ll go away soon enough, and we’ll have our gorgeous Vancouver summer. In the meantime, carry an umbrella and stop complaining. At least it’s not raining fucking spiders:

oh sweet jesus why

.. on second thought, maybe I’ll just never go outside again. Just in case.

i deserve this fat

Well, fuck.

I had it all planned out: Lola is due for service, so I’ll drop her off on Friday before we leave for our trip and pick her up when we return. I made the appointment, entered it into my calendar, and gleefully checked it off my anal-retentive To-Do list.

Then Lola sprang a leak. I noticed a puddle under her when I left this morning, but didn’t think anything of it – it had been raining. When I got to the parkade this afternoon though, it was obvious she was dripping something. I inspected the wet but couldn’t place it – it wasn’t oil, it wasn’t water, and it wasn’t gas. What gives? I placed a panicked call to Ed – I may be an Independant Woman with all the sassy Beyonce songs that brings, but I fully admit that I am a mechanical dunce – I needed a knight in shiny armour; preferably one with a mop.

Ed figured the problem out quickly enough – Lola was leaking coolant. I called the shop to ask what I should do, and they suggested I bring her in immediately (as they closed in 18 minutes) and to be careful I didn’t go faster than 88 miles per hour (or as they put it, hotter than 20 degrees). I broke many laws in my race to West 4th, but Lola made it in one piece, before they closed, and without getting too hot or seizing.

So, I’m without Lola for who knows how long. I am a sad monkey who did NOT need this – I was already having a lousy day and now I am both convinced Lola is deathly ill AND missing Gina’s poutine Tweetup. This sucks.

I am currenty waiting in a Starbucks for Ed to come rescue me. I ordered myself a treat – a chai Frappucino, now that you can get them non-fat and all. I’ll keep the whipped cream, though. I’m having a bad day.