Soooo.

Shan declared last night Bad Movie Night, so we went to see Eclipse.

It was really, really bad.

No, I mean it was really bad.

(how bad was it?)

It was so bad it made the first two movies in the series look like downright enjoyable camp classics. It was so bad I wept tears of sheer boredom at various points throughout. It was so bad I found myself getting angry at the mistakes, inconsistencies, pacing and oh god the dialogue. It was so bad I found myself in a 10 minute pity party that people have become billionaires creating this dreck for the unwashed masses to masturbate over. IT WAS REALLY BAD, OKAY?

I had a glimmer of hope about this one, given the Fancy Big Name Director and the enormous budget. Also, if I HAD to choose a favourite of the books, this would be it (although it’s kind of like choosing a favourite between various moldy pieces of food). Reviews of the movie were standard – “It’s okay, I guess” from movie critics and “OMG EDWARD IS SO HOTTTTTT I LUV HIM 4EVR THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE” from the rabid fan base – so I went in with a relatively open mind, and a large bag of popcorn.

Seriously, it was the worst so far. The kindest thing I think I could say about it is that everyone has really nice teeth, and that Bella shows almost two whole emotions throughout the long, long, ever so long movie. The “Vampire Army” (they stormed the ocean so hard they emerged from a lake!) weren’t so much terrifying as they were the cast of Step Up 3D, confusing liberties were taken with Riley’s backstory, for all the hype made over the girl from Silent Hill and the release of the short story her character wasn’t even named in the film, the new Victoria sucks (mostly because I think Rachelle Lefevre is fucking hot as hell), and .. fuck, I know way too much about these stupid books if I can pull up a laundry list of things that were wrong in the movie.

I think I’ll go see Scott Pilgrim again this weekend to redeem myself and bring my cool balance back up to a respectable level.

Also, my movie-going theme this year is to only see movies in which Metric appears on the soundtrack. Two for two!

Look where we’re going!

nerd ho!